Ruthless Aggression #6: SummerSlam (August 20, 2006) Part 4

Previously on On the Card: Good Booker/Batista match and the DX/McMahon match was acceptable…

Cut to a promo for WrassleMania 23 in Detroit. Card isn’t up yet so they can’t even advertise anything.

Cut to Cena/Edge promo for the championship. We see Edge win the Money in the Bank ladder match at WrassleMania 23 and him cashing it in at New Year’s Revolution, losing it again to Cena at Royal Rumble before winning it back on Raw in a triple threat match between Cena, RVD and Edge. Then Edge slaps John Cena’s dad, the cheeky monkey. Edge threatens Cena and the Doctor of Thuganomics fights back. We see Lita being a dick and John Cena drops his R’s calling Edge the “Rated aww soopahstaaaw.”

Lilian Garcia explains the rules: there is no Champions Advantage here and if Edge gets DQ’d, he loses.

Cena’s music hits and down he comes, being all Cena, all the time. Someone in the crowd has a great “U Can’t C ME” sign with moveable hand. Great lad.

Edge’s perfect music hits and the crowd erupt. Another riot sign, this time saying, “If Edge wins, we riot”. Edge is apparently 6-1 at SummerSlam but Cena is only 2-0. JR reminds us that Edge will lose the title if he gets DQ’d but Cena is the same.

WWE Championship match: Edge (c) (w/ Lita) def. John Cena via pin in 15:41.

Cena wastes no time in running into Edge and pushing him towards the turnbuckle, only retreating to eye up his opponent and run back in. Cena delivers some great punches and kicks to our man Edge followed by a pin and only the two. Cena Irish whips Edge into the corner, where he almost hits the ref, but stops in time for Cena to hit a great belly-to-belly on the Rated-R Superstar. Cena dives through the ropes after a failed shoulder barge. Countout for Cena but he rolls in at 7.

Edge beats on Cena as JR reminds the audience about ways that Edge can be DQ’d, including maintaining holds after a five count. Cena is knocked to the outside and another countout starts. Ref gets to 9 before Cena rolls back in. Edge goes for another pin but gets only two. Edge hits Cena with a great spinning heel kick. Cena is from West Newbury, Massachusetts, which is near Boston, so the crowd are a bit riled up. Edge is a filthy Canuck.

Cena hits Edge with a great suplex but gets only a two-count. Shameful. Cena is thrown over the top rope, the sound is amazing. Good man yourself. Another countout and Cena breaks it. Edge keeps whipping on Cena and an Irish whip is countered. Cena tries to hit a crossbody but Edge ducks. A clothesline brings Cena to the mat once again. Rest hold city as both men take a breather.

JR cannot believe the “hideous conduct of our WWE Champion,” as Edge and Cena cuddle mid-ring. Lita watches on, worried that Edge might, once again, take part in a live sex celebration. Rest hold is broken and Cena fights back, booting Edge and getting a kick in response. Edge goes top rope but Cena punches him, getting ready for the superplex. Edge knocks Cena off, perches and awaits Cena’s rising, getting a great flying clothesline. Edge is very frustrated.

Rousing chant of, “Let’s go Cena! Cena sucks!” as Edge gets Cena in a Camel Clutch to break Cena’s back and make the man humble. Cena lifts Edge up and drops him on his arse. The two men lie about for a while and at the count of six, they’re up, Cena hitting Edge with a jumping bulldog. Lita gets the chair for Edge and the Rated-R Superstar shouts, “No!” and throws it away as Cena jumps up, hits Edge with the shoulder barges, Five Knuckle Shuffle and goes for the FU but gets a DDT from Edge instead. Edge goes to the top rope but Cena is up, going for a super-FU, Edge reverses and Cena reverses that into a roll-up. Edge goes for the cross-body, but Cena rolls through, going for the FU, another reversal and Cena is Irish whipped into the ropes. He almost hits Lita, stops in time and jumps out of the way as Edge hits his girlfriend by mistake!

Both men lie about for a while and Lita is sore by the announcer’s table. Edge is up first and gets ready for the spear which Cena reverses with the drop-toe hold into an STFU. Edge is crawling away, Lita gets the belt to use as a weapon, Edge says no, but as he breaks the hold with a grab of the ropes, Lita puts brass knuckles on Cena. The bitch. Edge goes to punch Cena, who dodges and sets up the FU. Lita jumps in the ring and onto Edge so that Cena lifts both up into a double FU. Lita goes first and Edge cracks Cena with the brass knuckles, getting the pin and retaining his Championship in 15:21.

2016 comments:

Good match. I would expect nothing less from Cena and Edge. I loved how Lita kept trying to make Edge cheat and he would shake his head. Great stuff all together, apart from the screwy finish.

2006 comments:

Ohhhh! Lita! You’re the worst.

Grade: A

Edge just gets out of dodge and actually forgets about Lita! Silly goose. Cena looks fucked ringside. He’s lost in his home state. Shame and disgrace.

The Go Home Stats.

Man of the Matches: None of the matches this PPV were that impressive. I mean, the Cena/Edge match was great and the Flair/Foley match was just blood and guts, but the rest weren’t great. I want to give the Man of the Matches award to… Rey Mysterio for giving it his all in his own match and botching very little.

Woman of the Matches: No Women’s Match again this time around and, other than the awful promo with Layla’s arse, the only women involved were crafty bitches Melina, Queen Sharmell and Lita. It goes to Lita.

Montel Vontavious Porter Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence: Lita!

Best Spot: Coast-to-Coast interception with Sweet Chin Music.

Hatches: Chavo Guerroro, Hulk Hogan

Matches: Big Show, Booker T and Edge all retained.

Dispatches: None.

On The Card Hall Of Fame

Every “Big Four” PPV (Wrestlemania, Summerslam, Survivor Series, Royal Rumble) I will choose a man and woman to be inducted into the hall of fame. A man and woman must have been named either a Man of the Matches or Woman of the Matches in the previous months since the last “Big Four” PPV. Once a man or woman is inducted, they may not be inducted again but can still win Man of the Matches or Woman of the Matches. Through this, we can course the dizzying highs and savage lows of the wrestling landscape throughout the years. If no one new has been given the title of Man or Woman of the Matches, then a candidate will be chosen from the highest-rated matches since the last “Big Four” PPV. If no one is to be found there, then we go to the next highest-rated matches and so on. If we (unlikely) get to the bottom of the pile, then the Hall of Fame will remain empty to show the excellent calibre of the wrestlers and shallow roster.

Man of the Matches: Shawn Michaels, Chris [REDACTED] Benoit, Randy Orton, Carlito, Paul London, Rey Mysterio.

The Winner and Entrant to the Hall of Fame is… Shawn Michaels for his dedication to the craft, excellent matches and just being great.

Woman of the Matches: Trish Stratus, Queen Sharmell, Beulah McGillicutty, [NONE], Queen Sharmell, Lita.

The Winner and Entrant to the Hall of Fame is… Queen Sharmell for being the best at what she does.

Closing Statements: SummerSlam ’06 was almost great déjà vu: it was a classic but not for the right reasons. The roster was so thick that many wrestlers did not try hard enough because they were big fish in huge, massive ponds and, as usual, the main eventers are not necessarily the best wrestlers, just those who the crowd pay for.

On the Card will return on Sept 17 with the Raw PPV Unforgiven 2006.

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Ruthless Aggression #6: SummerSlam (August 20, 2006) Part 3

Previously on On the Card: Cunt Hogan and Cunt Flair…

Cut to Vince and Shane with Armando Alejandro Estrada, who assures the McMahons that they can count on Umaga, who is their enforcer for their match versus D-X,

Cut to the ring and King Booker’s theme hits, that annoying one with one three notes that wasn’t supposed to play for more than ten seconds that he plays for hours as he walks to the ring and celebrates after. Sharmell is on the mic, reminding us to hail King Booker, which we do, and with great gusto. Booker is brilliant as he wakes to his adoring crowd, nodding and thanking them. Some actually hail him, some clap and others just watch. Great shot of a “If Cena Wins We Riot” sign that says, “If King Booker Wins The Peasants Revolt.” Very funny.

Booker enters the ring and Sharmell has said, “All Hail King Booker” about a million times. JBL calls her hot, which is a lot from that bigot, although he might be thinking of setting her on fire, as is his racist wont. The lights change and the announcer states that the match is for the World Heavyweight Championship. He announces Booker first, which is not how it should be, it should be challenger first, champ last.

But we know why he did that because when Batista’s music pops and The Animal comes out, he gets a mega pop. Batista is an actual monster, like, he is huge. JBL says that, “Batista cried like a little bitch,” when he lost his championship eight and a half months ago. Cheeky rascal.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Batista def. Booker T via DQ in 10:26

Batista and Booker lock up as Maggle rattles off a list of people who they have fought.

Straight-up Shoot Fact: Back in May 2006, as they were posing for the atrocious poster for SummerSlam, Booker and Batista get into a legit fight because Batista thought that he was better than the rest of the locker room, even claiming that SmackDown ratings dwindled in his absence. Booker did not take kindly to this, brought him to a room and for five minutes, they hashed it out, even coming to fisticuffs at one point before it was broken apart by a number of other wrasslers including Fit Finlay. The results of the fight vary depending on who you ask but Booker was sporting a lovely black eye at the Smackdown tapings after the fight.

Booker slaps Batista and the Animal shoves him to the ground. Just like the last Batista match with Mr. Kennedy, we never know if The Animal is acting or not. He catches a kick from Booker, turns it into a dodgy bodyslam and gets a two on the pin. Booker rolls out of the ring, grabs his Queen and Batista drags him back in, hitting Booker with a spinebuster and calling for the Batista Bomb. Booker hits Batista with a weak throw into the ropes and stomps on his quarry for some time. Snapmare takedown and chinlock city.

Batista gets to his feet and Booker cracks him with some knees and a Flair chop. Batista reverses an Irish whip and hits a belly-to-belly but gets only two in the pin. Booker rolls outside and as Sharmell distracts the ref, Booker cracks Batista with his sceptre. Back in the ring, Booker gets a two-count for his efforts. Arm lock city.

The two men fail at strikes and Booker falls on the top rope between his legs, hurting his balls. Comedy gold. Pin and two, again. On the outside, Booker throws Batista into the steel steps. In the ring, Booker only gets a two-count on Batista so hits him with a Book End, goes for the scissors kick and Batista dodges, hitting a great suplex to the champ. Some shoulder-barges in the corner leads to some Irish whips and a neckbreaker to a pin but gets only two. Booker goes for another Book End and Batista counters into a full nelson. Batista is about to go for the Batista Bomb when Sharmell runs into the ring and interferes, causing the DQ and giving Batista the win but not the championship in 10:26.

2016 comments:

Ugh. Not good. Batista is very over with the crowd but this match seems to be two men sandbagging each other. There is no energy here between the two men and nothing looks powerful at all. The interference at the end should come at a time when the crowd are super hyped and screaming for a win. Instead, it was very flat and without much of a reaction, more of a groan than a boo.

2006 comments:

I heard these two boys hate each other.

Grade: C

Booker is about to hit Batista with the scissors kick but Batista counters with a spinebuster and Batista Bomb. Booker rolls out of the ring, leaves with the championship and his mad shit-eating wife. Batista is very upset about the whole thing.

Cut to the men’s locker room where D-X are chatting to someone hidden behind the door. They leave the locker room with little fanfare.

JR calls the D-X vs. Mr and Shane McMahon match as “The most eagerly anticipated match in SummerSlam history,” which is a spit in the face of every other match in SummerSlam history. We see the prank wars between D-X and the McMahons with Shawn and Trips dressing up as Shane and Vince respectively and calling Vince gay. Hilarious. We see them throwing poop at McMahon and the Spirit Squad and… changing Vince’s mic to make it sound squeaky. My sides. Someone stop, please. I am a young man. I have so much to live for. In reaction, Vince and Shane fight back, getting Umaga, the police and bullying D-X, whipping Shawn Michaels, getting him arrested, booking a Trips vs. Umaga match and giving the Pedigree to Trips.

Back in the ring, the “Are you ready?” of the D-X theme hits and the crowd go bananas as the video causes a dozen seizures throughout the arena and hundreds more at home. Porygon be damned. Lilian Garcia introduces them and Shawn runs about the ring like a child. They hit stereo X-chops and Trips pulls off his shirt Hogan-style. He even runs to the ropes and listens for the crowd’s cheer. Trips has the mic. Oh this is going to be classy.

He asks if the crowd is ready. They’re not loud enough for him so he asks again. For the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world, he reminds them that Vince loves cock. He does his “Lllllllet’s get ready to suck it!” chant which is shit on its own never mind when followed up by Shawn’s “If you’re not down with that…” shout. No sense. Makes no sense.

“Here Comes the Money” hits and Shane walks out on his own followed by “No Chance” and Mr. McMahon. They both stand on the ramp before walking down with the Vince strut. They stop halfway there, turn back and The Spirit Squad come out, getting Sweet Chin Music’d by Shawn, Pedigree’d by Trips and tossed out of the ring. JR names them off as, “Nicky, Kenny… Dopey… Pedigreed.” Great.

Vine and Shane make another walk to the ring, stop and Mr. Anderson comes out followed by William Regal and Finlay. A brawl in the ring where Shawn hits a jumping shoulder, kip-up and eventual beatdown. Obviously D-X win, having ruined five men so far. Vince points to the back and Big Show comes down, fresh off his ECW win vs. Sabu. If D-X ruin him, then it’s saying that ECW is rubbish. Amazingly, Show goes over Michaels and Trips is destroyed by the boys outside. Jerry calls Show “Extreme” which is a bit of a lie. Show removes the top of the ECW table and chokeslams Trrrrriple H through it. JR says that “The Game’s back may be broken!”

Finally, Vince and Shane walk to the ring and roll in, gloating and calling for the bell even though both members of D-X aren’t at their corners. Bad at following the rules, boys.

D-Generation X (Triple H and Shawn Michaels def. Shane McMahon and Vince McMahon via pin in 13:01.

Vine and Shawn brawl mid-ring with Vince showing his strength by lifting Shawn for a bodyslam. Shane is in and running around like a headcase, gearing up for the punches and jabbing Michaels a bunch of times followed by a clothesline. JR wonders aloud why the EMTs and trainers are not out to check on Triple H, who is still lying in the wreckage of the table. Vince beats on Shane in the corner and when the ref’s back is turned, he chokes Michaels with the tag ropes.

Shawn takes a double clothesline and finally Trips awakens. Shane drives a pair of elbows into Michaels and slides out of the ring to beat on Trips for a bit. In ring, he hits Shawn with some weird neckbreaker things. Vince is back in and they hit Michaels with the double suplex. Trips tries to get up after Vince and Shane hit Shawn with a double elbow drop and Shane slides out to beat him back down. Jerry and JR lament the lack of paramedics in the arena. Shane hits a great elbow off the top rope and Shawn takes the beating without a pin yet. The match has now gone on for five minutes and Shawn has had no offensive in. Vince gets Shawn in an electric chair and Shane jumps off the top rope to a flying clothesline. Shane finally goes for the pin and JR wishes that it was over.

Shawn, amazingly, kicks out thrice and gets a great comeback, beating down first one then both McMahons. Trips is still outside, slowly crawling to the turnbuckle as the ref begins the countout. Shane is up but is beaten down by Shawn and finally Trips gets in with the hot tag and starts clearing house, hitting Shane with a beautiful neckbreaker, running knee and cracking Vince and Shane with great clotheslines followed by a great spinebuster on Shane and a bodyslam in Vince that Michaels takes advantage of with a diving elbow. Trips hits the crotch chops and Shawn and Shane go over the top rope. Jerry brings up Vince’s “Kiss My Ass Club” and JR chastises him for it.

The crowd boo as Umaga turns up with Armando Alejandro Estrada and Umaga goes to town on Shawn, hitting him with a great kick. The ref is distracted by Estrada as Umaga hits Trips with the Samoan Spike but just as he’s about to get Michaels, pyro hits and down comes Kane! He beats on Umaga and drags him backstage after a total of two seconds of airtime, which, for a libertarian like Kane is more than enough.

Vince goes for the pin, fails, and attacks the ref Mike Chioda. Vince rolls Mike out of the ring almost as Shane sets up the trashcan on Trips in the corner for a Coast to Coast. As Trips moves, Shane jumps and is intercepted mid-air by a Sweet Chin Music from Michaels. Vince gets one too and Trips hits him with a Pedigree for the pin in 13:01.

2016 comments:

It was a good match for what it was, which was to show how much power Vince and Shane had over Michaels and Trips. I think that Kane’s entry was a bit silly and that it would have been far better had the ref been knocked out at that point, Vince and Shane could have been on the ramp with Trips and Shawn. Kane could have stormed past and leisurely thrown Shane and Vince aside before getting into the ring with Umaga, trading blows, maybe a few specials. Maybe Estrada could have hit Kane and it didn’t faze him and he retaliates with beating Umaga up and out of the ring, leaving Vince, Shane, Shawn and Trips alone to have a genuine “match” where D-X win. I know it’s gest booking, but the match made Trips and Shawn look weak in comparison to Vince and Shane because they took too long to get back from the beating.

2006 comments:

Man that Coast-to-Coast interception was great.

Grade: B

As Trips and Shawn celebrate in the ring with minimal enthusiasm. Trips even goes to beat up a child in the audience, the rascal. Trips does his Hogan move and Shawn has difficulty raising his right arm to flex though neither announcer comments.

On the Card will return on September 10 with the fourth and final part of SummerSlam 2006.

Ruthless Aggression #6: SummerSlam (August 20, 2006) Part 1

The Ruthless Aggression Era was a time when the WWE roster was so huge and so varied that they had no way of continuing storylines each week on their two main shows – RAW and Smackdown – and so they created the draft where wrestlers and announcers would be drafted onto either one of the two shows. Smackdown wrestlers would not (usually) be able to appear on Raw or interact with Raw wrestlers and vice versa.

Ten years ago, on August 20, 2006, the PPV SummerSlam 2006 aired. It was a cross-promotional PPV, and the first of its kind since WrestleMania 22 back in April. Personally, the PPV came at a time where I had grown weary with professional wrestling, confused by the sheer number of wrestlers and unwilling to spend so much time per week watching hours of footage and trawling through shows, replays, promos and matches. I simply watched the PPVs. Over the next four weeks, I will review this PPV from the perspectives of a fan looking back at it after a decade as well as my original thoughts as a younger man watching it at the time.

SummerSlam 2006

The Biggest Party of the Summer

It is a wildly generic tagline. The poster is just as bad and shows Trrrrrriple H and Shawn Michaels wearing aprons and chefs hats with very long sausages in prongs (HHH’s sausage is significantly longer than HBK’s). Behind them, all the superstars are badly photoshopped in front of a pool, all smiling and having fun. The thing is this: they must have done a SummerSlam photoshoot because all the pictures are actual images of wrestlers, not, like, their faces Photoshopped onto other people’s bodies (especially because the guy doing the Photoshop is not talented whatsoever) but if they did a photoshoot separately… by not just get everyone together to pose? Why take a dozen pictures and then mush ‘em together? Would the wrestlers be unhappy that, for example, John Cena is front and centre with D-X while the Spirit Squad is a tiny pixel in the background? Weird. Wrestling is weird.

Promo package telling us that SummerSlam has been the biggest party of the summer for 19 years. Then it’s highjacked by DX and shows the DX vs. McMahon rivalry. We see King Booker and his mad wife Sharmell force Batista to kiss his foot, which Drax did not like at all. Cena and Edge are roaring at each other as well. Back at the last Raw PPV, Vengeance on June 25, RVD retained his championship against Edge. A week later, Edge would defeat RVD on Raw and went into SummerSlam the champ. Cena is very unhappy about that.

Overly complicated graphics package to show that SummerSlam is Raw, Smackdown aaaaand ECW. The SS symbol just reminds me of a cool, refreshing drink of summer soda. We are live, however, in Boston, Massachusetts, home of the Founding Fathers, of revolution, of independence and Fallout 4. There are 16,168 in attendance with a reported 541,000 PPV buys! That’s less than last year’s 18,158 in attendance and 650,000 buys, but well done nonetheless. We have a selection of announcers, referees and commentators. To introduce us is Maggle Cole and Cunt JBL for SmackDown! They are joined by Tony Chimel as ring announcer. Raw has the dream team of Jumping Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler with Lilian Garcia as ring announcer. Finally, Screeching Joey Styles and Sunglasses Indoors Tazz with Justin Roberts as ring announcer for ECW. As always, they are joined by the fantastic Spanish announcers, Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savinovich. That is a startlingly long list of announcers and the Spanish announcers aren’t even introduced! What?

(Note: Before the PPV began, there was a dark match featuring Carlito and Rob Conway. Carlito put on one of the best matches in Vengeance back in June and did not deserve this relegation.)

619 music hits and down comes former WWE champeen, Rey Mysterio. He’s facing it up and hands an absolutely astounded young lady his chain. Her face is priceless. I love it when wrasslers do stuff like that. He’s here to fight Chavo Guerrero, who screwed the chance Rey had to defend his championship against Booker T back in the Great American Bash. Vicky Guerrero is not happy about the whole thing, which is fair enough as the link between Rey and Chavo is Eddie, Vicky’s late husband. Cunt JBL calls Rey a “Disgrace”.

Cut to a promo showing Rey and Eddie being best friends. In both their books, they talk about each other a lot, obviously both of them being Luchas and breaking into the notoriously difficult American market when you’re not 6 foot 5 and 250 lbs.

Chavo comes out and we have a promo package for him and Eddie showing the best moments of their relationship. Comedy gold. Eddie looks so ripped in each of the packages. Chavo has come out of retirement for this one match. Rey dives towards Chavo and Little Naitch Charles Robinson rings the bell to start the match.

Chavo Guerrero def. Rey Mysterio via pin in 11:58.

You can almost smell the betrayal in the air as Rey batters on Chavo in the corner. Chavo hits Rey with a great uppercut. Rey does a springboard moonsault, caught by Chavo and Guerrero flies through the ropes. Rey jumps over the top rope and Chavo dodges into the ring, followed by a second suicide dive. Rey is in the corner, kicking Rey’s head, almost removing his mask in the process. Both JBL and Maggle are really making Rey, the babyface, out to be a bastard. You’re supposed to be putting him over, God dammit.

A couple of reversals and Rey gets his head bounced off the turnbuckle. Great backdrop from Chavo followed by an Eddie dance. The crowd boo him and chant, “Eddie! Eddie!” Rey’s mask gets punched off by Chavo! The cameras stay away from Rey’s face as he puts the mask back on. Well done, big man. Chavo goes to the top rope, however, and both men are up there with an embarrassingly ineffective bulldog off the top rope. Rey’s mask is still giving him trouble. Both men are up and Chavo gets a dropkick to the knee followed by Rey hitting a springboard crossbody. Drop tow hold reversal and a “Keep Khali off TV!” sign behind the boys. It quickly disappears.

Rey is back up to the top rope and Chavo goes for a super backdrop again, is reversed into an electric chair to hurricanrana that puts Chavo onto the ropes. Rey hits a wee 619 and Chavo springs about the place. Rey attempts to do a springboard seated senton followed by a hurricanrana and both ment are thrown outside, punching each other like a pair of headcases.

Does comes our girl Vicky, shouting and grabbing at Chavo. We knew this would happen. Those Guerreros are mental. Vicky slaps Chavo, Rey jumps through the ropes onto him. Vicky is telling both men off and Chavo hits a Three Amigos (triple rolling non-release suplex) but Rey escapes before the third one can be completed. Mysterio then hits the Three Amigos… and there are boos from the crowd? What? Rey goes to the top rope, shouts a Vicky for a while and the woman knocks Rey off the top rope. Little Naitch doesn’t get the DQ, however. Chavo hits a brainbuster and frog splash for the win in 11:58.

2016 comments:

I love Eddie and I love Vicky, but this match would have been far better with one than the other. Keep the tributes, keep the references, lose Vicky. I mean, I understand her point in the match and she represents Eddie here, but she was more trouble than what she was worth. If she had interfered by accident and was then removed by Little Naitch and the guys had wrassled for a minute or two more with Chavo getting the win due in part to Vicky’s interference, fine, but it cheapens his win and makes the ten minutes previous to her coming out seem inconsequential even though his best performance was after she arrived on the scene.

2006 comments:

I miss Eddie.

Grade: B

A good start to SummerSlam 2006. Vicky leaves as Chavo looks on, confused. He is wondering why Vicky slapped him. How can she slap?

Cut to Booker T, holding the World Heavyweight Championship close to his chest. I love the King Booker/Queen Sharmell angle. It’s a licence to print comedy. Edge and Lita pop in with her boobs on show. Edge says that as he is the WWE Champ and Lita is the WWE Women’s Champ, they are more powerful than the King and Queen. He then makes a football reference or a baseball reference. I don’t know. I don’t follow sports. Booker makes a friendly wager: If Booker retains and Edge does not, Edge must come to SmackDown! to kiss Booker’s feet. Edge has a counter-wager: If Edge retains and Booker does now, Booker must come to Raw and be Edge’s servant for the night. Bit touchy there, boys, careful with that racial abuse.

Cut to Joey and Tazz bigging up the next match: Big Show vs. Sabu in an Extreme Rules match for the ECW World Championship. In a previous episode of ECW, Big Show arrived to screw up the contract ladder match for both Sabu and RVD. The winner of the ladder match would face Big Show at SummerSlam, but the seven foot fool accidentally helped Sabu win. (Slow trumpet sound as Big Show looks the camera and shrugs theatrically).

Sabu comes out, carrying a chair. He points to the ceiling, throws the chair about. Big Show’s music hits and the man comes out. Very little posturing here. Neither men are that over at SummerSlam as ECW is the C show. This is an Extreme Rules match, however, so no DQs or countouts.

Extreme Rules Match for the ECW World Championship: Big Show (c) def. Sabu via pinfall in 8:55.

Sabu wastes no time in chucking a chair straight at Big Show’s head. Good start, my man. He batters Show with chair shots and follows it up with an Arabian Facebuster but gets a two-count. Show literally chucks him off him and then takes over with big shots to the head and chest of Sabu. Massive bodyslam from Show and Sabu looks like he’s rapping on the ground. Big bear hug from show and Sabu bites Show’s nose, hits a massive lariat, is caught by Show and does a move that neither of the announcers know the name of (it was a fallaway slam). Sabu throws another chair at Big Show’s face followed by a second. He then drops the chair outside the ring like a fool and hits a chair-dropkick to Show’s face but it only gets a two-count.

Sabu pops underneath the ring and pulls out a table, ready for Show to go through… although how he expects a seven foot, five hunnerd pound monster to go through a table is beyond me. He sets it up in the corner, hits Big Show with one bulldog off the turnbuckle and another running bulldog off the chair. Crowd chant for ECW and it isn’t long until both men are up and executing an electric chair drop off the turnbuckle. Big Show goes to Bret’s rope and hits a Vader bomb on Sabu. The steel steps are removed and thrown into the ring by Show. He gets another table from under the ring and takes his time getting in to set up his weird concoction of who stairs bridged by a table. Sabu jumps up and runs to the ropes, steps on the table and makes it slip. He quickly fixes it before jumping at Show and getting a spinebuster for his efforts. Sabu completely no sells it… oh wait, it was a DDT apparently. Another table is set up and Sabu goes for another DDT but gets chokeslammed and Big Show retains his ECW Chapionship by pin in 8:55.

2016 comments:

Garbage. No story, just jumping from spot to spot. Show was the only one who sold anything and that might be because he was genuinely tired. Back in the day, I probably would have loved an Extreme Rules match, but neither guys bled (not that extreme) and there were no spots to write home about. I respect Sabu for his dedication to the art of wrestling, but I hate that he can’t tell a story in the ring. This could have been a match where Sabu pulled out all the shots and hit Show with everything he could and it was either ineffective against the monster or Show’s superior height, weight and strength kept reversing Sabu’s attempts. They could have told a story here. They did not.

2006 comments:

I love Extreme Rules matches!

Grade: D

Big Show is exhausted and slightly bust. Tazz bigs up the match even though it was a sub-par shitshow. The ref is rubbing his head as if to say, “Christ, how are we going to tidy this mess up?” None of the replays are exciting.

On the Card will return on August 27 with the second part of SummerSlam 2006.