Attitude Era #9. In Your House 13: Final Four (Feb 16, 1997) Part 5

Previously on On the Card: Dissention in the ranks!

Backstage, Dok is talking to Taker “live”. Taker says that he has rediscovered his edge… not all of it, though. This spells doom for Vader, Austin and Bret. The WWF Title will be his, by hook or by crook. Rest in peace etc.

Cut once again to the foreign announcers, who are excited about the main event. Cut to the Royal Rumble where we saw Stone Cold rocking back in after being eliminated and chucks out everyone.

Back in the ring, the zeppelin has Western Union on it. Fink introduces the Final Four match.

Vader comes to the ring with Paul Bearer. He gets boos from a young Jennifer Aniston-alike in the crowd. The rules are shown on screen:

1: Match begins with all four lads in the ring.

2: There are no countouts or disqualifications.

3: A superstar is eliminated when either thrown over the top rope (with both feet on the floor) or by pinfall or submission.

4: The last superstar standing will be the WWF Champion.

Yeeeeo. Vader is throwing stuff around by the ring.

Breaking glass and Stone Cold takes his damn time coming out of the smoke. The house from the In Your House set is no longer there, it’s just a wee ramp. Austin and Vader stand nose-to-nose and flip the bird to each other.

Dong. Undertaker is coming. He rocks up to the ring through the blue smoke and lights in a leather jacket. The crowd sing along with the funeral march. The lights come up and the crowd go bananas. Bee-ay-en-ay-en-ay-ass.

Backstage, Kevin Kelly is hanging with our boy Bret “The Hitman” Hart. He puts over his enemies and says that he has experience and heart. “May the best man win… me.”

His music hits and out he comes, looking like a real legend. He’s wearing a hockey jacket. Fireworks go off to celebrate Bret’s entrance. He’s a superstar, yo.

Final Four elimination match for the WWF Championship: Bret “The Hitman” Hart def Stone Cold Steve Austin, Big Van Vader (w/ Paul Bearer) and the Undertaker via elimination in 24:05.

All four men are in all four corners when the bell rings and Earl Hebner stays in the ring to ensure no shit goes down. Vader and Taker, Stone Cold and Bret square off, trading punches. Taker goes for the jumping punch. Austin falls into the corner, Bret is knocked down. Taker goes for Old School and Vader hits the belly-to-belly. Vader and Taker fall to the outside but go between the ropes as opposed to over them. Vader gets the steel chair and goes to crack Undertaker but gets a boot instead. Big pop from the crowd and Vader is busted over the eye, probably from the boot. He goes to punch Taker but can’t seem to get it. Bret goes to sleeper Austin but he reverses it into a stunner. Undertaker chokeslams Vader and we have a close up of Leon’s eye. Looks pretty bad, but might only be on his eyebrow.

We have Vader and Bret, Taker and Austin. Vader his Bret with a low blow and takes Bret to the apron to batter him with the steel chair. Vader’s eye seems to be closing because of the wound, possible broken socket. Austin takes Taker outside and is about to piledriver him but Taker reverses it into a back body drop. Taker suplex Bret in from the apron and attempts a pin. Austin dodges a steel step shot and hits Vader with it. Austin and Vader trade blows while Bret almost gets pinned by Taker.

Austin and Vader have a wee chat and Austin gets dropped onto the security railing. Lots of zoom-shots to Vader as he gets thrown into the timekeepers area, he dodges the steel steps and cameraman but hits someone backstage. Another shot of Vader’s lovely wet, bleeding eye. Austin falls onto his balls on the top rope. Vader takes Bret down the aisle and throws him against the railings. Taker leg drops Stone Cold’s balls and Bret and Vader fight in the crowd. JR says, “I tell you, this is amazing.”

Stone Cold hits the clothesline off the top rope and Sycho Sid is backstage, watching and reacting, or, should I say, over reacting. Vader hits the Sharpshooter on Bret and Austin boots Bret in the head. “Austin and Bret hate each other,” JR says. “Everyone hates Bret,” Jerry replies. All four men are fighting now. Taker hits Vader right in the eye and Stone Cold replies with a Lou Thesz Press with the punches. Christ, Vader’s eye looks bad. My God. Good God Almighty.

Ten minutes in and no one is eliminated. Bret hits the piledriver but Austin is still in. Vader has Taker in position for the moonsault and Taker moves! My God! Is Vader dumb as hell? Does he care for his own body? Probably not! Vader starts to choke Undertaker as Stone Cold is about to eliminate Bret Hart. Austin is on the top rope and getting shots in the chest from Bret. Vader is just choking Taker and almost gets a pin. The energy has slowed down now and all three men are exhausted. Austin barely kicks out of a pin and Austin escapes a backdrop, lands on his feet and attempts a roll up but fails.

Fifteen minutes in and still no eliminations. Bret hits Vader between the legs and the behemoth falls. Not to be outdone, Austin wishbones Taker. Pin attempt and Vader stays down. Undertaker almost has Austin out but he lands on the apron instead. Good man yourself. Vader’s eye doesn’t look that bad now, just a wee cut that looks gruesome. Austin almost goes over the top rope again. Christ. The energy is just sapped. Very slow. Very- SWEET JESUS, AUSTIN WENT OVER THE TOP ROPE!

Stone Cold Steve Austin has been eliminated by Bret “The Hitman” Hart in 18:08.

My God! It came and went with little fanfare, but Austin is gone! That’ll teach you for cheating. The fans are waving to him and the refs leading him out alongside Worzel Gummidge (Rene Goulet).  Taker hits Vader with a shot in the corner and it’s Bret’s chance to beat on Taker. Taker fights back and Vader takes out Taker’s knee. Sid is backstage, ready to fight the winner. Undertaker is thrown out of the ring but under the bottom rope. Vader takes off his mask and Paul Bearer hits Taker with the urn. Vader goes to the top rope but Bret is up and threatens to superplex. And he does it! It’s shit looking, but it’s a superplex alright! Undertaker is up and so is Bret, getting the sharpshooter on Vader. Taker is in and Pearl Harbours Bret from behind.

Stone Cold is back and beats on Bret as Taker and Vader have a wee sit in the middle of the ring. There is no DQ in this. Vader goes to Bret’s rope, hits Vader between the legs and Vader falls out onto the floor.

Big Van Vader has been eliminated by The Undertaker in 22:33.

There are only two men left: Taker and Bret. Stone Cold is there too but he really shouldn’t be. The crowd are going ballistic at Vader’s fall and Taker punches Stone Cold out of the ring. Bret goes to Pearl Harbour taker but the Deadman catches Bret by the neck and gives him one hell of a chokeslam. He runs a thumb over his throat and Austin grabs Bret as Taker goes to Tombstone him. Bret rolls up Taker and escapes. Taker goes for Austin and Bret knocks him out of the ring to win the championship in 24:05


Quite a good match, overall. Lots of time wasting, though, and Vader’s bloody eye really messed up the flow of the match. Still, exciting enough and very high-paced.


Poor Vader. He’ll never wrassle again. That serves you right for taking Mick’s ear.

Grade: A

Taker is furious and goes to follow Austin, turns and stares at Bret, hands on hips. JR tells us not to go away and we see another advert for Wrasslemania XIII. Back in the arena, there is big pyro to celebrate Bret’s fourth run as WWF Champion. Big strings and out comes Sid, who walks to the ring, shouting and sweating like a mental case. The pair square off mid-ring and the screen fades to black.

The Go Home Stats.

Man of the Matches: It’s hard as no one stuck out other than Big Van Vader for being so damned tough!

Woman of the Matches: CHYNA.

Montel Vontavious Porter Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence: Vader

Best Spot: Vader’s dick-shot-to-fall-outside combo.

Hatches: Honky Tonk Man, Chyna with Mosh and Thrasher as a dark match.

Matches: Rocky Maivia retains his Intercontinental Championship; Owen Hart and the British Bulldog retain their WWF Tag Team Championship; and Bret Hart wins the WWF Championship for his fourth reign.

Dispatches: Wildman Marvellous Marc Mero and Sable would not return for almost a year until Survivor Series 1997, Bart Gunn would be gone for over a year and reappear at WrestleMania 14

Closing Statements: A good PPV and clearly pulled together at the last minute to help Shawn leave and get over the new stars of the Fed: Stone Cold, Bret, Sid, Vader and Taker. Let’s see who stays at the top…

On the Card will return on March 23 2017 with WrestleMania 13!


Attitude Era #9. In Your House 13: Final Four (Feb 16, 1997) Part 4

Previously on On the Card: Two pillars of wrestling have a decent match four years before they reach their peak.

Cut to a promo for WrestleMania XIII.

Back in the locker room, Kevin Kelly chats up Vader mit Paul Bearer. Vader says the following: “Stone Cold… Steve… Austin… You done let that canader… that… gator butt… get that canary mouth in trouble, brother.” He then gives off about Bret and Undertaker, hitting their catchphrases. P Bizzle comes over and straight-up shoots on them. Terrible promo.

Already in the ring are Doug Furnas and Philip Lafon.

British Bulldog music hits and out come Bulldog and Owen. Owen slides beneath Owen’s arms to be in front of the camera. Lovely. We see a shot where Bulldog was eliminated by Owen at Royal Rumble. Brilliant. Owen walks to Bulldog, gives him a pat on the chest and points, saying, “You.” Bulldog slaps back and says, “You,” to Owen. Owen shurgs meekly, points at himself, “Me?” he asks. Brilliant pantomime.

WWF Tag Team Championship match: Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon def. Owen Hart and the British Bulldog (c) (w/ Clarence Mason) via pin in 10:30.

I just noticed that Clarence Mason is there. Isn’t he also working for the NOD? Are Owen and Bulldog not members of the NOD? Questions…

Owen starts off and Doug start off with some lovely chain wrestling. JR puts over both men. Owen kips up and runs to the corner where Phil is there. Owen hits the Irish whip, monkey flips Lafon into a pin and the pair trade rolling near-falls. King calls Owen, “Slammy-Award Winning Owen Hart”, which is the only way to describe him. Bulldog comes in and the pair have a lovely bunch of chain wrestling. Owen kicks Phil in the corner when he gets the Irish whip. Bulldog cheers to the crowd. In the corner, with the ref distracted, Bulldog attacks Lafon. JR says, “kick right in the kidneys… right in the Ahmed Johnsons.”

Owen gives a reverse-crossbody off his brother’s rope and it rolls into a pin. Lots of pins here. Bulldog is in and they give Lafon a lovely clothesline. Bulldog stomps Lafon and there is a lovely sunset flip but ref is distracted by Owen. Bulldog does a lovely flip and gets ready for the Sharpshooter but is hurt. JR tells us that Chyna, who does not have a name yet, has been ejected from the building but that Cornette, Sunny, Rocky and Trips are on the Superstar Line. Bulldog hits a lovely long delayed suplex and Owen dives off the top rope for a cross body. They trade near falls for a bit and distract the ref. Lafon bounces Bulldog and Owen’s heads together. Bulldog and Owen argue and they chare punches. Bulldog clotheslines Owen, almost ruins his chances to retain the championship and remembers right before Owen gets down for the pin.

What the fuck is happening? Lafon is back in and hits a lovely bridging belly-to-belly but fails. Doug hits a great hurricanrana and Bulldog breaks up a pin for about the fifth time. Lovely DDT and leg drop combo. Owen hits the enziguri on Doug and both men are down. Big hot tag being built up. Bulldog hits the dropkick, Lafon does a lovely wraparound sunset slip and Owen comes in but is tossed out. Bulldog has the powerslam but Owen has the Slammy and DQs himself before Bulldog has a chance to win. Win goes to Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon in 10:30.


Very, very fast match. They crammed a twenty-minute match into ten minutes. Well done the lads.


I hope Owen kicks the shite out of Bulldog.

Grade: A

Bulldog is furious with Owen. He throws his tag belt away. Crowd are baying for blood. He is furious that he lost. He grabs Owen’s Slammy and throws it, breaking it. Bulldog goes for Clarence Mason and finally leaves, but not before Owen lifts Bulldog’s arms in victory. We see a replay of the times that Owen and Bulldog have argued this match. Tag Team Turmoil! Dissension in the ranks!

On the Card will return on March 16 2017 with the fifth and final part of In Your House 13: Final Four 1997.

Attitude Era #9. In Your House 13: Final Four (Feb 16, 1997) Part 3

Previously on On the Card: Bart Gunn, Goldust and Flash Funk get a payday.

Cut to the back and Stone Cold is staring out no-microphone-working Dok Hendrix, who is talking away but we hear naught. Someone should turn up the volume before they get stunnered! Slowly, the voice comes through. Hendrix tells Stone Cold that he does not have a clear cut victory against Undertaker, Vader or Bret. Stone Cold reminds him that he tossed all three out of the Royal Rumble and calls Dok a piece of trash and that there is a conspiracy by the hierarchy against Stone Cold. He also mentions that the “instant replay rule isn’t in effect,” meaning that it’s basically what the referees see counts. This is awesome as it kind of kayfabe-waves the fact that heels can cheat as long as they don’t get caught but it will be forgotten and the Fed will turn their back on this rule as it suits them.

Back in the ring, Hunter Hearst Helmsley is bowing to the crowd and getting ready to battle for the Intercontinental Championship. We see a show to Raw where The Rock, Rocky Maivia took a monstrous piledriver and kicked out. A superplex and he kicked out. Trips goes to give him a DDT and the Rock gives Helmsley an inside cradle and wins the damn Intercontinental Championship three months after his debut. Whaaaat.

Intercontinental Championship match: Rocky Maivia (c) (w/ Mr. Hughes) def Hunter Hearst Helmsley via pin in 12:30.

Referee Earl Hebner gives the bell a wee ring before even taking the belt out of the ring. Eejit.

Headlock from Trips and a dodgy toe hold to Rocky. He slaps the Rock’s head a few times. Jerry makes fun of Rocky’s parents and dead grandparents. In the ring, the Rock gives a lovely arm drag and slaps Trips before sharing smacks with him in the corner. JR tells us that Trips is trying to psyche The Rock out. Jerry mispronounces proboscis.

Another lovely arm drag takedowns and they have a sit down for a while. I’ll tell you what, JR and King make a great team on the announcer’s table. I know that they’re iconic and, in some ways, they’re the only announcing team that I respect and listen to, but I thought that there would be some easing in… no. They’re top class right off the bat. Trips throws Rock out, through the ropes. JR tells us that that would be an elimination in the Final Four matchup – sneakily telling us the rules of the matchup – and Trips baseball slides Rock on the face. Crowd chant for Rocky and the future Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment is covered in Goldust.

Trips hits Rock with an elbow and slingshot, hurting Rock’s throat. They have a wee chat in the corner and Trips hits a lovely “slupex” according to JR which King catches him on. Trips gets Rock in a choke hold and cheats by lifting the legs on the ropes. Earl physically hits Trips to tell him, “no!” and when Trips does it again, he swats the feet away. Balls on him. Lovely running of the ropes but Rocky gets knocked down. Inside cradle from Rock, but no dice and he batters on Rock’s head before taking off his bobble. Lovely backbreaker as King makes fun of Rock’s hair. The crowd chant, “Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!”

Rock fights back, runs the ropes, hits a lovely cross body, misses the missile dropkick as JR hits a promo for Western Union and the Superstar Line. Trips misses a knee to the face and Rock catches a foot and gets a clothesline for his effort. Trips goes top rope but Rock punches him in the tummy and gets the Atomic Drop. Irish whip to the corner and Shawn spot where Trips turns inside out. Lovely powerslam from Rock and Jerry tells us that he’s hot dogging. Big cross-body from the top rope and it gets a two-and-a-half-pin. Rock goes for the ten punch but Trips knocks him off, hits a pin with the legs up and kicks out. Rock attempts a botches a tiltawhirl DDT but Trips actually kicks out. Rock calls for the shoulder breaker and Goldust comes out!

The crowd goes bananas for my boy Goldust! He smacks his arse and Rock slides behind to get the backdrop with bridge for the pin in 12:30.


Damn good match with both men trying their best and, yes, botching, but they’re pulling it all out of the bag. Nice to see Rock go top rope now and again.


Who is this wonderful woman from the crowd?

Grade: A-

Rock walks straight past Goldust and allows him to get some heat with Trips. Marlena is there. The crowd are loving every second of this. Goldust goes to the apron and the camera cuts to – Jesus titty fucking Christ, someone in the crowd is strangling Marlena! It’s… It’s…

Motherfucking Chyna! Yes! My girl! My main event! The Ninth Wonder of the World! Chyyyyyynaaaa!

JR asks if it is a woman. Classy. One of the crowd is excited that a spot happened in front of him. Goldust cries, “Throw her in jail!” We see an instant replay of Chyna ruining Marlena’s day and the security coming to get Chyna.

On the Card will return on March 9 2017 with the fourth part of In Your House 13: Final Four 1997.

Attitude Era #9. In Your House 13: Final Four (Feb 16, 1997) Part 2

Previously on On the Card: Good curtain jerker.

Cut to Shawn at Raw on Thursday. He reveals that he is not going to be near the belt for some time. He says that he may be beyond reconstructive knee surgery and is not happy to perform half-assed. He says that the schedule over the last year has damn near killed him. Kids in the crowd are horrified. Shawn says that he loved being champ: lear jets, MTV sessions, parties etc. He says that he is not tough enough right now. He hands the belt to Gorilla Monsoon to big boos. He tells the crowd that he’s leaving, he’s going home, he’s going to see if he can find his damn smile. A great promo, really heartfelt. I remember watching this and being moved to tears and very angry that the industry that I love has turned one of its best stars into a broken man. This is a motif that repeats over the years in wrestling. Shawn is not the first and he will not be the last man ruined by wrestling.

Cut to Sid who is ripping into a mental whisper-shout promo. He never got his rematch against Michaels and so the winner of the Final Four match must face Sid.

Cut back to the arena and Honkey is thankfully gone. Flash Funk is here, however, with his Funkettes! He’s going out to shake hands and high-five the crowd. Great lad. Great song as well. Very… what’s the word I’m looking for? It’s that… you know… seventies vibe. Upbeat. Soulful. Has rhythm and blues all up in it. I forget. The announcers, thank Christ, don’t fuck up the damn song.

Gunshots fire! Bodacious Bart Gunn comes out with his huge arms and high fives our boy Funk. Cut to a Raw four weeks ago where Bart was beaten by Faarooq. JR calls the NOD a “pack of dogs”. Jeepers.

Then Goldust comes out and I have to resist the temptation to write the rest of the review in all caps because Goldie is an absolute fucking hero. We see a shot of Goldust about to stop Crush but Savio Vega Pearl Harboured him from behind. So two out of three of these men hate the NOD.

Then they come down, rapping and shit. We have Faarooq, Crush and Savio Vega. And they’re walking through the damn crowd! Who are they? The fucking Shield? No, they’re the Nation of Domination and potential African American stereotypes.

Goldie slides out of the ring to watch the boys. Some of the crowd are actually raising their fists. Christ, what a stable. By any means necessary. JR doesn’t agree with them philosophically, but they’re some band of lads. Certainly better than the fucking Spirit Squad.

The Nation of Domination (Faarooq, Crush and Savio Vega) (w/ Clarence Mason) def Goldust, Bart Gunn and Flash Funk (w/ Marlena) via pin in 6:42.

Jerry and JR have a miscommunication as the six-man tag starts up. Faarooq gets the mic but Goldust says, “Fuck it!” and attacks him before it can start. NOD are thrown out and the faces get a big pop. Flash Funk jumps off the turnbuckle onto the lads but un ring, Faarooq and Goldust batter the shite out of each other. Bart Gunn, of course, got a Dominator from Faarooq, the most dangerous and messed-up move in wrasslin’. Goldie goes to jump over Faarooq but gets a lovely spinebuster. Savio Vega is in and Flash Funk gives him a lovely super hurricanrana from the top turnbuckle before the NOD pull Savio out. Bart just picks up Flash and chucks him outside on the NOD. Great.

In the rin, Crush is tagged in and batters on Flash Funk. JR calls him a jailbird.

Straight-up Shoot Fact: Crush was arrested in Hawaii two years earlier in March 1995 for having 500 units of steroids and several unregistered semi-automatic guns! This was added into his character, hence JR’s comment.

Jerry makes fun of Crush by saying, “he never actually went to jail, but went to the mall and paid for everything in cigarettes.” Hilarious. Faarooq is in and hits Flash on the back of the head. Faarooq jumps up and down on Funk and the green man rolls over, busting the NOD leader in the balls. Savio comes in and distracts the ref, allowing Crush to hit the spike piledriver on Flash. JR calls it, “a mugging”. Faarooq and Savio attempt the double clothesline but Flash does a lovely backflip, double clotheslines the boys, gets lots of heat, tags in Bart Gunn with the hot tag, gives a lovely powerslam to Faarooq and Goldust is in. It’s a damn free-for-all. Faarooq goes for the Dominator but fails. Bart gets the bulldog off the top rope and Crush leg drops him, rolls over Faarooq and NOD get the pin in 6:52.


Not enough Goldust.


An okay match, but really it was just there to advance the feud for two of the three faces. The issue with a huge stable is that they have so many feuds going on at one time and it gets messy. Because of this, we saw lots of beating on Flash Funk and not much action from Goldust or Bart.

Grade: C

NOD celebrate mid-ring and the announcers call Faarooq a great athlete.

On the Card will return on March 2 2017 with the third part of In Your House 13: Final Four 1997.

Attitude Era #9. In Your House 13: Final Four (Feb 16, 1997) Part 1

On the Card: Attitude Era #9 In Your House 13: Final Four 1997 – February 16, 1997

In the previous entry, I looked at The Royal Rumble 1997. It was great, especially the Rumble itself, which had Stone Cold as its winner. The next PPV was In Your House 13: Final Four which boasted a main event elimination match for the vacant WWF Championship.

Over the next few weeks, I will review this PPV from the perspectives of a fan looking back at it after two decades as well as my original thoughts as a teenager watching it at the time (though this particular PPV was one I watched in 1998 as my family did not have the channels necessary to watch wrasslin’).

WWF In Your House 13: Final Four 1997

No tagline this time around and the poster shows Shawn Michaels getting bopped by Sid in the same ring as Austin is about to bop Bret. Ohhhh, this main event is going to be amazing!

There’s no Big Red screen now and it’s a Big Blue screen. Promo for Shawn Michaels, the most athletic and flambouyant champion ever. We see the four challengers: Stone Cold, Bret Hart, Undertaker and- wait? Undertaker? Vader? What the fuck is this? The poster showed Michaels and Sid. I’m confused. Tell me what this all means, Mr. Announcer man. We see Shawn looking sad, we hear that the four men are no longer role models. But no news as Western Union (The Fastest Way To Send Money Worldwide ™) presents a mountain that says, “Final Four” on it. Yet no news on where Sid and Shawn are.

I hear a sable. I know that Wildman Marvellous Marc Mero is on the way. I know that, according to our announcers, Jumping Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler, we are in the UTC Arena in Chattanooga, Tennessee with 6,399 in attendance and a reputed 175,127 buys at home. Boys behind JR and King are using cameras, like old style recyclable ones. JR eludes to the fact that Shawn isn’t going to be champ again. Ominous. Someone jostles the hard cam and Jerry points his finger menacingly at them. It was a dad point, so it must have been Brian Christopher.

Our Spanish Colleagues are Hugo Savinovich and Carlos Cabrera who look very pleased with themselves. They chat and scream in Spanish before we are introduced to the French Announcers, Ray Rougeau and Jean Brassard who do the same but with moustaches.

Big pyro in the ring as Wildman (now just “Wildman”) is sporting an angry goatee and shouts at Sable, it seems. Oh no, wait, Leif Cassidy is in the ring without an intro, that’s what it is. And the bell is about to ring, but before it does, JR points out “the beautiful Sable” who is wearing sunglasses inside at night time because she is a twat… but also because, to be fair, that pyro is pretty dangerous.

(Note: Before the PPV began there was a dark match featuring the tag team talents of Phineas I and Henry O Godwinn defeating the new Headbangers: Mosh and Thrasher. Brilliant. Real men wear skirts.)

Wildman Marvellous Marc Mero (w/ Sable) def Leif Cassidy via pin in 9:30.

The match begins as King tells us that Leif can win if he grounds Mero. JR calls Mero “an unnecessary chancer”. King slags the high-fliers off for only good for getting themselves in hospital. Some lovely wrasslin’ from Mero and he keeps throwing Leif back, who rolls out and starts jawing off to Sable. She replies with a clap. She then gives Leif a kick and apparently she’s being kicking The Undertaker on Superstars. Are you mental, Sable? Mero hits the big leg drop in the ring, attempts a pin and fails.

Leif Irish whips Mero and gives a lovely dropkick to Mero’s knee followed by another and another. He’s stopping at the knee, keeping Mero grounded. JR tells us that Leif is underrated. Too fucking rights he is. It’s Al Snow! Leif gets Mero in a leglock and Sable batters the mat but cannot get decent timing at all. The crowd cheer as Sable walks around. God, wasn’t the Attitude Era brilliant? Just a bunch of lads shouting at women. Leif is in control, holding Mero’s leg and keeping him down. He locks in the… leglace? Did you call it a leglace?

So we still don’t know about Shawn. I do, but only because I lived through this era. The PPV so far has ignored the fact that Shawn has lots his smile. Hopefully more on that later.

Mero is up, fighting back and Jerry says, “Sable thinks her future is so bright, she needs to wear sunglasses at night.” He then lets on that Sable and Mero have submitted. Very good selling from Mero here. Congratulations. Mero hits a lovely enziguri and then a three-quarter nelson pin. Cassidy works the knee some more and hits the figure four. According to JR, the figure four hits seven different parts of his anatomy. Sable heels it up and pushes the bottom rope towards the men so that Mero can grab it. Leif confronts her, she slaps him and Mero dives through the ropes to protect his mental wife. Mero is up and seemingly forgetting his knee pain. Eejit.

Mero lifts Leif up for the Samoan drop, does a wee John Travolta in Pulp Fiction fingers on eyes sign, hits a lovely shooting star press (“the Wild Thing” according to JR) and gets the win in 9:30.


A really good curtain jerker that is spoiled by some shoddy selling from Mero. Where did all that time attacking his knee go?


Jaysus, Mero is a superman.

Grade: B

Sable immediately runs in to join her husband and JR says that it’s a different side of her. Jerry says, “Never hit a woman with glasses… always use your fist.” Classy and it’s only 1996. Flashback to Sable smacking Leif when he confronted her and-

Oh fuck, is that the Honky Tonk Man’s music? Sheeeeit.

There he is, the bastard, old Jerry “The King” Lawler’s cousin.

On the Card will return on February 23 2017 with the second part of In Your House 13: Final Four 1997.