Attitude Era #6. Survivor Series (November 17, 1996) Part 1

In the previous entry, I looked at In Your House 11: Buried Alive 1996. It was an okay PPV with a good, creepy main event but the WWF Champion didn’t take to the mat until after the cameras started rolling. The next PPV was Survivor Series 96 and was the tenth of its name. The gimmick of Survivor Series was that it was an annual event that took place around Thanksgiving and had huge elimination-style tag team matches, usually between the heel faction and the face faction of the day.

Over the next four weeks, I will review this PPV from the perspectives of a fan looking back at it after two decades as well as my original thoughts as a teenager watching it at the time (though this particular PPV was one I watched in 1998 as my family did not have the channels necessary to watch wrasslin’).

WWF Survivor Series

Back to Attack

The tagline makes no sense and the poster has Shawn Michaels, Sid Vicious, newcomer Bret Hart and Stone Cold Steve Austin’s heads floating between two buildings. Shawn is wearing the same expression he did during the poster for Mind Games back in September, so not much has changed there.

There is no Big Red WWF title screen this time around, just an announcer speaking over sped-up shots of New York to show how fast the city that never sleeps really is. Tonight, Shawn vs. Sid. Tonight, Bret vs. Stone Cold. Tonight, Undertaker vs. Mankind. And other people!

MB Karate Fighters sponsor the 1996 Survivor Series. 18,647 people are crammed into Madison Square Garden in New York. 199,000 people watching at home, a rise from an all-time low of 1995 at 128,000 buys. A taxi slides over the top of the screen as our announcing team is introduced: Vincent Kennedy McMahon, Jerry “The King” Lawler and Good Ol’ Jim “JR” Ross. There is literally no time for anything else as the first match is about to get underway!

 (Note: Before the PPV began, there was a 30-minute show called Free-For-All, which was the nineties equivalent of the Preshow, full of promos and summaries of recent TV matches. There was an exclusive match on Free-For-All and had little to do with the actual PPV but was full of names that would become huge over the next wee while (though not with the names they appear here with): Jesse James (AKA Road Dogg Jesse James), Aldo Montoya (AKA Rat-Faced Knacker Justin Credible), Bob Holly (AKA Hardcore Holly), Bart Gunn (AKA Bodacious Bart Gun) versus the team of The Sultan (AKA Rikishi), Justin Bradshaw (AKA Cunt JBL), Salvatore Sincere (AKA Tom Brandi) and Billy Gunn (AKA Bad-Ass Billy Gunn). They were joined by The Iron Sheiky Baby and Uncle Zebekiah (AKA Zeb Coulter).

The British Bulldog’s music hits and out comes the man himself looking like a bust sausage along with his team of Slammy-Award-Winning Owen Hart and The New Rockers Marty Janetty and Leif Cassidy (AKA Al Snow). They are accompanied by Immigration Clarence Mason, who is just waiting for someone to mess up and get sent home.

The other team turn up, Phil Lafon and Doug Furnas, who are a pair of arses. They appear with the Gosh-Darned Godwinns Henry O. (in yellow) and Phineas I. (in red) with Hillbilly Jim. There is a Karate Fighters zeppelin flying about the arena that just crashes into the stands and stays there. Oh, the humanity!

The announcers comment on the smell of the Godwinn boys and the heel team shout at the crowd for some time before the bell rings to start the match.

Survivor Series Tag Team Match: Doug Furnas, Phil Lafon, Phineas I. Godwinn and Henry O. Godwinn (w/ Hillbilly Jim) def. Owen Hart, The British Bulldog, Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy (w/ Clarence Mason) via elimination in 20:41.

Marty Jannetty sneaks about the ring, trying to tickle his opponents until finally Phil Lafon comes into the ring and gets Marty into a great arm lock that Jannetty gets out of by jumping off the top rope. He takes a brutal clothesline from Phil and tags out. At this point, Leif Cassidy comes in but Marty hops about outside, clearly very badly hurt, or at least selling a leg injury very well. Both Leif and Phil have some great chain-wrestling in the middle of the ring with a submission manoeuver that is cancelled by a grab to the bottom rope.

Phineas comes into the ring and spits into the air, catches it and rubs it into his hair. JR talks about the Clintons. How apt.

Leif gives Phineas an absolutely lovely body slam but the hillbilly isn’t very happy about it and responds with a body slam of his own. He goes to bounce off the ropes and Jannetty hits him in the back. Owen is tagged in and Bulldog helps him double-team Phineas. They distract the ref and take the time to beat on the Godwinn until Leif comes back in and tags in hurt-leg Marty Jannetty. The announcers reveal that Owen is ticked off at Bret returning. Marty goes to the top rope and attempts a high-risk move but is thwarted by Phineas who attempts a superplex which is equally countered. Marty then tried an elbow drop and Phineas rolls out of the way to tag in his brother Henry.

JR tells us “Business is gonna pick up!” and indeed it does. Henry beats on Marty for a while, tossing him around like a great big child. When Henry goes into the corner, Phines dives in front of him, cushioning the blow. Leif attempts the same for his teammate and gets a boot to his chest from Henry for his efforts. Henry gets Marty in position for the Slop Drop and eliminates him with a pin.

Marty Jannetty has been eliminated by Henry Godwinn in 8:12.

Owen rolls in, hits Henry with a spinning heel kick and eliminated him with a pin.

Henry Godwin has been eliminated by Owen Hart in 8:18.

The teams are equal once again. Phineas is in and he’s cleaning house, throwing everyone out. Owen tags Bulldog in who hits Phineas with a powerslam and eliminates him with a pin.

Phineas Godwinn has been eliminated by The British Bulldog in 9:04.

Sweet baby Jesus, that’s three pins in less than a minute. The teams are now 3-2 with the advantage being the heel team of Leif Cassidy, Owen Hart and The British Bulldog. Both Godwinns are out and only Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon survive. Bulldog and Furnas waste time as a replay is shown on the screen. Some lovely running of the ropes until Furnas botches a dropkick and lands awkwardly. JR sells the dropkicks and tells us Furnas was a world-class powerlifter at one time. Owen strangles Furnas and Leif hits a half-Nelson slam followed by a brutal spinebuster.

Furnas is in the corner and getting beaten on by the heel time. Hart hits Furnas with a fantastic dropkick, almost killing him. Furnas gets Owen in a small package and receives a clothesline as a receipt followed by a fisherman suplex with bridge. JR wonders why there are two referees (one on the outside and one on the in) yet there are so many double teams. Bulldog hits a lovely delayed suplex (such strength) and tags out to get Leif in. Furnas has been getting his arse handed to him for a while now. He needs to tag out of build some momentum. Hot tag to Lafon who hits Cassidy with a reverse suplex from Bret’s rope followed by a quick pin.

Leif Cassidy has been eliminated by Phil Lafon in 13:43.

What a move! What a guy! Bulldog comes in, both teams down to two. Lafon and Bulldog have a lovely back-and-forth including some lovely chops. A pin attempt and fail. Bulldog gives Phil a huge press and Owen is in, hitting Lafon with a belly-to-belly followed by a neckbreaker and elbow drop from Bret’s rope. Lafon is kicking out from every move going and Vince tells us to forget about the double clothesline Owen and Bulldog hit Lafon with. Bulldog hits Lafon between the legs like a prick. JR complains about Harvey Whippleman. Lafon tries to get a tag but Owen knocks Furnas off the apron. In the ensuing chaos, Bulldog appears and a failed double-team ends with Bulldog getting pinned!

The British Bulldog has been eliminated by Phil Lafon in 17:22.

It’s only Owen left versus the newcomers! Oh good Lord! What a time to be alive! Bulldog doesn’t take his elimination lightly and tackles Lafon’s leg, which Owen then goes for again and again. Vince suggests that we might see the Sharpshooter in a moment. Owen leg drops Lafon’s leg and gets ready for the Sharpshooter. Lafon is surviving it but Furnas jumps in to break the hold and Owen breaks it himself. Ladfon gets the reverse enziguri and Furnas is tagged in. Owen takes a lovely dropkick followed by a lovely belly-to-belly followed by a German suplex for the pin in 20:41.

Owen Hart has been eliminated by Doug Furnas. The survivors are Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon!

2016 comments:

Very good match. Very happy with it. Slow start but great end. If every match on the card attempts to be as good as that then this is going to be a great Survivor Series.

1996 comments:

I don’t know half of these lads but by Christ they can wrassle.

Grade: A+

Jerry calls them upstarts and punks, threatening that Owen and Bulldog might raise some merry hell at this. We see a bit of the replay.

Cut to outside on New York City.

On the Card will return on November 24 with the second part of Survivor Series 1996.

Attitude Era #4. In Your House 10: Mind Games (Sept 22, 1996) Part 1

In the previous entry, I looked at Summerslam 1996. It was an okay PPV with a main event that lasted far too long. The next PPV was called International Incident and was a part of a long-running collection of PPVs called In Your House. The purpose of the In Your House PPVs were to give the audience a cheaper and more frequent WWF experience. At the time, the WWF only had four big PPVs – Royal Rumble in January, Wrestlemania near Easter, Summerslam in August and Survivor Series near Thanksgiving. The months in between were filled with In Your House PPVs and this was one of them.

Over the next four weeks, I will review this PPV from the perspectives of a fan looking back at it after two decades as well as my original thoughts as a teenager watching it at the time (though this particular PPV was one I watched in 1998 as my family did not have the channels necessary to watch wrasslin’).

WWF In Your House 10: Mind Games

No tagline this time around, just Shawn Michaels looking up to the left with a bit of a grimace on his face while in the background, in a haze of smoke, Mankind has puffed the doob so much that he can’t feel his face.

Big red WWF screen hits and on the version I have, there is no promo package whatsoever! It just jumps straight into the Free-For-All match. (Note: Before the PPV began, there was a 30-minute show called Free-For-All, which was the nineties equivalent of the Preshow, full of promos and summaries of recent TV matches. There was an exclusive match on Free-For-All and had little to do with the actual PPV. Normally, we miss it, but we have it this time around and it is a Savio Vega vs. Marty Jannetty match. This PPV was also lousy with dark matches, featuring a total of three: Jake Roberts vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley; Faarooq vs. Marc Mero; and Psycho Sid vs. Vader. It’s interesting that all six members of the dark matches are pretty big names in wrestling and play a vital part in the next few months of PPVs and beyond.) This is exciting as my copy of the PPV is different to the one on the WWE Network. Score!

Marty Jannetty is already in the ring with Leif Cassidy AKA Al Snow behind him, pointing at him. Savio Vega’s bongos explode from the speakers and the man himself comes out, high-fiving everyone and being a great face. He gets a bit of a pop as well. He throws his waistcoat at Al Snow, who attempts to wear it. Savio does not seem happy about that.

Savio Vega def. Marty Jannetty via pinfall in 5:22.

JR is bigging up Mankind, who is in the main event with Shawn Michaels for the World Heavyweight Championship. Vince and Mr. Perfect are also on commentary, but we will come to them in good time. Show of Leif Cassidy wearing Savio’s waist coat and smiling. Jannetty runs the ropes for ages but no one on the commentary team sells it, in fact, they’re talking about the beginning of the PPV and sandbagging this entire match.

And who should appear on screen? Only pre-Cunt JBL, Cunt Justin Hawk Bradshaw, with Zeb Coulter standing behind him. They are balanced above a spoooooky skull wearing a Mankind mask with “MIND GAMES” carved into its cranium. Justin Hawk Bradshaw (JHB) is shouting at Vince and pacing. Behind him stands Uncle Zebekiah AKA Zeb Coulter. He has a brand in his hand with J-B on it, where the hyphen mixes with the spine of the J and B to form a H. JHB. Do you see? Do you see? You are looking, but you do not see. JHB gives off because Savio is on PPV again and JHB has been in the WWF for nine months without a chance. He shows his true colours, the racist, ignorant, arrogant side of JBL that we will all come to know and loathe within ten years’ time. JR says, “Those Texans are like that, a little hot-blooded.”

Once again, the announcers are sandbagging the match and-

Wait, what? Are the crowd chanting “ECW! ECW!”?

They are chanting for ECW. Why are they-

HOLY FUCK.

Front and to the camera’s left on the hard cam is Tommy Dreamer, standing and waving to the crowd. His is joined by Paul E. Dangerously (Paul Heyman) and Sandman, who are both off-screen. This is due to a cross-promotional “Invasion” angle that ECW and WWF were planning at the time. The reasons behind it are lost to the annals of time as Vince states that he, “cannot remember why [he] helped ECW out,” although it was probably due to him wanting ECW (which was about to have its first PPV and financially was failing at the time) to become a feeder company to the Fed. Either way, the Invasion angle has these three guys ringside and then ECW having matches on Raw six months later. Fairly short, but fun if you’re into that.

In the ring, Savio gets a boot from Jannetty and JR bigs up Jannetty, saying that he has gone downhill since joining with “Nerdy” Leif Cassidy. Vince calls out ECW, saying that they are a “local wrestling franchise”. JR attempts to talk more about it, but Vince sandbags it almost instantly. They do not even mention the name. Savio rolls out and Leif gives him a boot. JR makes fun of Jim Cornette, saying that he was eating two triple cheeseburgers backstage. Corny has a match later on in the evening.

Jannetty hits Vega with a body slam and goes to Bret’s rope, walks along and goes for a double axe handle nothing, but Vega’s boot goes up to hit him in the face. Jannetty hits a cross-body from the ropes but Vega rolls through and pins Jannetty in 5:22.

2016 comments:

Entire match is ignored by the commentators and isn’t that interesting to begin with. It is better as a placeholder match, used to remind the audience of the upcoming festivities. To be fair, though, Savio Vega is about to have another match with JHB so he probably didn’t want to wear himself out.

1996 comments:

Sit down in front! You’re ruining the show for the rest of us, you damn ruffians!

Grade: D

Vega celebrates as Cassidy comes back in to remove his buddy. As Savio dances, out comes Uncle Zebekiah, pointing that damned dirty brand on him. JHB runs out and whips Savio with a big whip before escaping almost as quickly as he had arrived.

Smash cut to a promo package calling Mankind “the face of fear, the mind of madness… the horror that might soon be champion.” Distorted samples of Mankind talking. We see Undertaker vs. Goldust, an angle that is linked to Mankind as he and Goldust are buddies and Paul Bearer left Taker for Mankind in the last PPV. The announcer is gibberish, mixing metaphors and that sort of caper.

Cut to a horrible CG skull chomping at the bit and we are live at the CoreStates Centre in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, home of ECW! 15,000 in attendance, apparently, and no word on how many PPV buys at home. Our announcers are Vince McMahon, Jumping Jim Ross and “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig. Whilst Vince sports a tux, JR has no tie like an Amish, Hennig is decked out in a brown suit with pink shirt. Behind them, a sign, amongst others, says, “Vince McMahon for God.” Another shot of a sign that says simply “Shawn Michaels and the Kliq!” Hennig asks if the curtain will fall on the Undertaker and if Shawn will lose his title… and his mind!

Ultimate Warrior-style music hits and out comes Cunt JHB, even though he left, like, ten seconds ago. Howard Finkel introduces the match as a “Special Caribbean Strap Match”, which is saying a lot about it considering it’s a very boring match style. The announcers talk over Finkel and mention that Savio Vega has never lost a strap match, even going so far as to beat Stone Cold Steve Austin himself, way before his push.

Cut to Kevin Kelly and Savio is furious, walking back and forth as KK talks to him. Savio shouts at JHB, even though the man himself is in the ring and will never hear the shouts. Savio runs to the ring and slides in as JHB beats on him with the leather strap. The official calls for the bell before Savio is actually tied up!

Carribbean Strap Match: Savio Vega def. Justin Hawk Bradshaw via tapping all corners in 7:09.

Bradshaw whips on Savio and Vince questions whether Harvey Wippleman should have rand the bell before securing Savio’s wrist. JR reminds us of the rules – the winner cannot pin, nor submit his opponent and can only win by slapping each turnbuckle one by one, in succession, without interruption. Bradshaw gets three until Savio fights back. Savio rolls to the outside, Bradshaw chooses to exit on the other apron so that the strap is caught between the turnbuckle. He chokes Savio with the strap as the crowd cheer for ECW. Savio pulls on the strap, forcing Bradshaw’s face into the turnbuckle. As Savio beats on Bradshaw, Sandman spits beer into Vega’s face, who, fair play to him, sells it like a boss.

Straight-up Shoot Fact: Although the ECW wrestlers being there was sanctioned by McMahon, he was the only one in attendance who knew it was a work so Savio and Bradshaw had no idea that the ECW guys were invited there. Considering JHB’s history of being a fuckhead, I’m surprised that didn’t backfire horrendously… although that might have been Vince’s intention.

Savio genuinely shows a mix of confusion and bemusement as Sandman busts himself open with the beer can. JHB pulls on the leather strap as Vince mentions that they are a, “local wrestling group,” again. Paul Heyman is pulling on Tommy Dreamer and Sandman as security go to them. JHB looks on. Vince says, “We will not shoot this incident that is occurring… Savio and Justin are ignoring it, as well they should…” Bit cheeky considering it was Vince’s idea.

JHB gets three turnbuckles and is backdropped before hitting the fourth. JR gets Savio’s record with strap matches over. Savio whips at JHB, even whacking him in the face at one point. JR: “Savio is whipping Bradshaw like a government mule!” Savio gets two turnbuckles and Bradshaw fights back. Savio gets three turnbuckles and is yanked back by Bradshaw. Both men are spending a lot of time on their backs. Bradshaw goes and hits a turnbuckle and behind him, Savio batters it. Same for the second… and the third (which Vince miscounts and thinks it is the final turnbuckle) and on the fourth, Savio pulls back and the two men tug of war until Bradshaw falls down, Vega springs forward and hits the fourth and final turnbuckle to win this gimmick match in 7:09.

2016 comments:

Not an exciting gimmick and not an exciting match.

1996 comments:

I certainly hope I do not have to listen to that loud Texan ever again.

Grade: D

Savio wins, lies outside for a while and chubby Bradshaw (a man who does not look good shirtless) stands mid-ring, looking awful. Savio Vega looks genuinely annoyed, hides from the ECW boys, even though they’ve been tossed out.

On the Card will return on September 29th with part 2 of Mind Games.

Attitude Era #3. SummerSlam (August 18, 1996) Part 2

Previously on On the Card: Owen Hart. That is all.

Cut to the boiler room where Todd Pettengill is walking through, calling Mankind’s home “creepy” and explaining that the matchup has no rules other than that the first person who gains possession of the urn will be victorious. No chat as to where the urn is or why Mankind wants it. I know why Taker wants it – a fine urn is hard to come by and urns and coffins are the man’s bread and butter. Todd goes on to say that the boiler room is “dark… ominous… there are things in here… there are pipes…” He stumbles onto Mankind who calls him “Tom” and says that there is no place like home. He then licks the pipe because Mankind is fucking mental.

Music hits and who should come out but those damn New Rockers (Leif Cassidy AKA Al Snow and Marty Janetty). No team with “New” at the top of their name are ever good, other than the New Age Outlaws, but only because there are no Old Age Outlaws, except maybe for now. The Bodydonnas (written again as The Body Donnas) come to the ring. Boring. The Godwinns rock down (shot of Vlad the Superfan before the Godwinns appear) and Hillbilly Jim has a dawg with him. Both Godwinns have pigs. Great bunch of lads. The pigs are having a nice wee squeal to themselves. Those Damn Gunns come down with Sunny. Sunny is looking wonderful, as per usual. JR says she has confidence, and why wouldn’t she? This was a time when Sunny was queen of the castle and riding all within. Sunny refuses to give the belts to the ref. Someone in the crowd wants to marry her and good old Bodacious Bart Gunn lifts her to the ground.

WWF Tag Team Championship match: The Smoking Gunns (c) w/ Sunny def. The Bodydonnas, The New Rockers and The Godwinns w/ Hillbilly Jim via pinfall in 12:18

This match has eight people in it (ten if you count Jim and Sunny; thirteen if you count the animals) and it is still shorter than the previous match. It is also the only tag team match on the card and is for the WWF Tag Team Championship aaaaand it’s an elimination match. That’s a lot of things.

Billy Gunn and Henry Godwinn start off. The Godwinns shout, “hooo-eee!” into the air and double G start off with a bit of back and forth, great Irish whip into a hip toss. Henry goes some mental move and out he rolls. SkipZip tags in and Henry tags out. As an elimination match, each time a tag team member is eliminated, the whole team is eliminated. It makes much more sense to stay out of the ring as much as possible. The Gunns are talking as the pair in the match run the ropes. Both stop and tag in both Gunns! The Gunns are now the legal men… against each other! In any other tag match, this means one could pin the other and the Gunns would win, but as this is an elimination match, they’re fucked!

The Gunns can’t believe their eyes. Sunny shows her bum to the camera. The Godwinns jump off the apron and won’t allow themselves to be tagged. SkipZip allows himself to be tagged in and Billy is tossed around like a mad one. Leif Cassidy cracks SkipZip on the back of the head and Billy gets the pinfall to eliminate the Bodydonnas. Sunny shouts at Mr. Perfect, who just looks on as if to say, “Will you fucking not?” Perfect mentions that it’s a good strategy to allow the other teams to beat themselves up. Marty Janetty (Tag Team Champ with Shawn Michaels many moons ago) beats the head off Henry Godwinn and tags in Bad Ass Billy Gunn, who has an Owen Hart wrist. Henry hits Billy with a sidewalk slam and goes for the pin, but it’s interrupted as if everyone wants the Gunns to stay in to get a beating from the other teams. Henry hits an inverted DDT (Slop Drop) on Marty Janetty and eliminates the New Rockers with a pinfall.

It’s Gunn vs. Godwinn. Oil baron vs. cattle rustler. Sunny making perfect time on the ring apron like a metronome. Vince says, “It doesn’t matter how you win, as long as you win. It could be disqualification, countout, as long as you win,” which is bollocks because those are two ways a title can’t change hands. Elimination matches are silly. Time wasting city as Henry is beat on by those damn Gunns. Bodacious Bart beats Henry in the corner for a bit. Henry fights back with an atomic drop. The pace really slows down to accommodate these teams. Billy goes for a cross-body and Henry catches him mid-air. Phineas is dying for the hot tag. The man is covered in pig pee.

Hot tag and the teams kick the tripe out of each other. Old Phineas hits the inverted DDT (known as the Slop Drop) on Billy and goes for the pin but Sunny is distracting the ref. Bart capitalises by hitting the double axe handle nothing on Phineas, rolls Billy over for the pinfall in 12:18.

2016 comments:

This was obviously a filler match. It had one or two nice spots, but no storylines were developed and no new teams went over. We just hate them all a little more.

1996 comments:

All of these damn team members are interchangeable – other than that guy who looks like Nick Carter.

Grade: C

Hillbilly Jim is in the ring, checking on the Godwinn boys. JR tells us that the Gunns had no advantage walking into this match, but survived “by hook or crook.” Sunny gets the mic and you know shit is going down when that happens. She has little intonation; the woman just screams as loud as she can. She tells people to look at the woman next to them and calls them fat. The camera aims at a woman in the crowd. Pretty pointed. Sunny gives the place a present and a huge, must be damn near 30-foot-high picture of Sunny unrolls and hangs just off the ring. JR calls her, “a very conceited young lady,” and is disappointed by the whole thing. He also tells us that she, “missed a much-needed trip to the woodshed,” which sounds like just the type of thing the Godwinns are up to this weather.

Vince thanks the crowd and there is a promo package showing Cleveland. The narrator asks what is the “coolest way to get to Summerslam” and the Godwinns answer by saying it is… Rapid Transit, of course! Cleveland’s own transit system! The Gunns are using a horse that Sunny quips is, “almost as good looking as me!” Probably not as hung as you, Sunny, the balls on you. The horse and the transit system have a race. I swear to you, this is a promo for a fucking train. The two teams cut a promo about air conditioning. This is… what is this?

Cut to Jerry “the King” Lawler has a back and forth with some baseball players. The most exciting sport in the world vs. the most boring. Savio Vega, Sunny, Godwinns and future hand-father, Mark Henry is there to… help paint a wall. I swear to you, this is a promo about trains, baseball and paint. Bob Holly appears and gives a kid the stink-eye. Watch out, boy, Hardcore Holly ain’t nothing to fuck with. Taker and Bearer give away an entire funeral, apparently.

Back to the arena, thank Christ, and I never thought I was as happy to see The British Bulldog come to the ring like a burst sausage. Cut to Dok Hendrix with old Brock Samson himself. The Bulldog’s music is still playing loud in the background as Sycho Sid tries to cut his mental promo about being the ruler and master of the world. Sid looks two seconds away from either a heart attack or stroke. His music hits mid-promo and Sid has to shoot off to get in the match with Bulldog. Say what you want about Stabby Sid, he looks the part. Cocaine is one hell of a drug. Bulldog flexes in the ring while Sid is just talking nonsense to the crowd, blinking continuously, pointing at the lights and spouting shite. Some idiot wants Sid for Pres, which is mental because his foreign policy is bollocks and he has no political experience. Despite this, Sid is over as fuck.

Sycho Sid def. The British Bulldog via pinfall in 6:24.

Vince reminds us that you use what you have as an asset. Sid is getting the crowd all hyped up and the pair lock horns. Irish whip shows that the Bulldog, despite his sausage appearance, is not strong enough to knock over Sid and he is so upset by this that he goes to leave the damn arena. Sid gets the crowd whipped up into a “PSYCHO SID!” chant and some fat fuck wearing a “Bishoff Sucks” t-shirt sits only feet away from Goldust Kid, who is still the best audience member so far. Sid gets Bulldog into a headlock and Bulldog actually lift Sid up, who retaliates with a shite judo throw. Pin attempt into kip-up by Sid.

Bulldog does a fucking great delayed suplex on Sid. Immigration is very happy about that. Immigrants, it seems, are like Pokémon and the more Bulldog beats on Sid, the easier he will be to catch. More chinlocks followed by Sid battering the ring, which should be a count out, but doesn’t count… out. Sid is knocked to the back and we show Vader and Cornette watching the match. This shit is awful. What’s the point? I’m not watching either of them. I was, however, watching Bulldog’s trunks get eaten by his bum. Another delayed suplex and another chinlock. Sid fights back, slaps the shit out of Bulldog and some guy in the audience bows to him. All he did was slap a motherfucker.

Great powerslam from Bulldog and Cornette comes out to berate Immigration. Bulldog goes for another powerslam but Sid retaliates with a chokeslam followed by the most over powerbomb so far and Sid pins Bulldog for the win in 6:24.

2016 comments:

Oh man. Sid is so over. I mean, I know he’s a good wrestler as well, so there’s no reason why I should be annoyed about him, but can you not be more like Shawn and be over and still a fantastic wrestler? Give the crowd a show. This was a squash. A great squash, but still a squash.

1996 comments:

Take that, Bulldog, you (otherwise fantastic wrestler with whom I have a personal grudge due to misplaced aggression at your nationality (which I suppose technically makes me a racist)) cunt.

Grade: B

Both Immigration and Cornette shout on the outside and try to hug Bulldog better. Sid is fantastic, even though he’s not looking at the hard cam. Replay of the powerbomb (which actually looks a bit dangerous as Bulldog drops about a foot onto his goddamned neck).

On the Card will return on September 1st with the third part of SummerSlam 1996.