Previously on On the Card: Benoit was there!
Backstage and Kristal has actually read her lines as she introduces Joooooohn Cena!
Cena rips the piss out of her and people’s perception of Tag Team Champions. He says that he and Shawn are not the best of pals but they’ll fight hard together.
Then Finlay comes out. I am ashamed to say that this man is from the same country as me. Anyone who deals in this shite is no Irishman. Let me rap real quick about little people wrestling with big people: it’s not funny, it’s not cool, it’s not nice. I’m not trying to say that there should be no little people wrestlers. There should be. I’m not trying to say that they are not athletes due to their stature. They are. What I am saying is that the way they are utilised is wrong. They are either there to be laughed at or beaten up. Undertaker would never fight a little person because either he looks like a bully if he wins or a fool if he loses. There is no way to be involved in a match with a little person without coming across as petty or pathetic and I don’t think little people want to be the catalyst for either of those choices.
Then the lights go red and fucking Boogeyman comes out. Fuck off. Red smoke and eating worms. The announcers go quiet and I am tempted to skip this match all together. Cunt JBL and Cole sandbag the whole fucking thing. Cunt JBL calls them epileptic.
Finlay and Little Bastard def. The Boogeyman and Little Boogeyman via pin in 6:44.
I muscle through. It’s only… what? Seven minutes? Seems doable.
JBL calls Cole anti-immigration and xenophobic. Cole’s voice breaks. Finlay and Boogey circle each other. The crowd is dead. No one cares. This is garbage, nonsense wrestling. Boogey hits some crappy offense and pulls Finlay out of the ring, hits his head off the barricade, throws him back in, attacks Finlay on the apron, does a lovely powerslam and Little Booger soes some leg drops, eats some worms and Little Bastard comes in. The crowd laugh and cheer as Bastard throws off his jacket. Finlay lives the Booger a superkick.
Small package and Finlay kicks out. Elbow drop. Finlay hits an armbar. It’s a little person, Finlay! Booger is thrown outside where Little Bastard drags Booger under. Boogeyman then appaears and… apparently is the legal man…?
Boogeyman gets some offense in and a few atomic drops. Irish whip and Boogey almost hands in mid air as he jumps. Little Boogeyman is thrown on top of Finlay and Bastard saves his team member with a shillelagh. Boogeyman gets the worms, eats them and chases after Bastard. Finlay hits Little Boogeyman with his shillelagh, gets the pin in a painful 6:44.
Less than a match.
Grade: It deserves no grade.
Cunt JBL says it is fun to watch. It was not.
On the Card will return on March 4 2017 with the third part of No Way Out 2007!