Ruthless Aggression #4: Vengeance (June 25, 2006) Part 1

The Ruthless Aggression Era was a time when the WWE roster was so huge and so varied that they had no way of continuing storylines each week on their two main shows – RAW and Smackdown – and so they created the draft where wrestlers and announcers would be drafted onto either one of the two shows. Smackdown wrestlers would not (usually) be able to appear on Raw or interact with Raw wrestlers and vice versa.

Ten years ago, on June 25, 2006, the PPV Vengeance aired. It was a Raw PPV, and the first Raw PPV since Backlash in April. Personally, the PPV came at a time where I had grown weary with professional wrestling, confused by the sheer number of wrestlers and unwilling to spend so much time per week watching hours of footage and trawling through shows, replays, promos and matches. I simply watched the PPVs. Over the next four weeks, I will review this PPV from the perspectives of a fan looking back at it after a decade as well as my original thoughts as a younger man watching it at the time.

Vengeance 2006

There was no tagline this time either! Huh. I did not see that one coming. The poster shows Cena and Edge staring lovingly into each other’s eyes as the DX symbol is spraypainted over them. Simple and effective.

After the old “remember what wrasslin’ used to be like” video, we have everyone’s favourite start to a PPV: dictionary definitions of the title! As we hear what the word “vengeance” means according to Webster or whoever (the source, regrettably, is not given) we see Cena getting beating by Edge, Sabu and RVD. Then Edge beats on RVD. Vince makes the Spirit Squad cause DX to reunite and they subsequently spraypaint Coach’s butt. They love their butts, the DX boys. Cant’s get quite enough of the deviancy, being honest with you. They also drop green slime in the middle of the ring. Shawn Michaels does an absolutely terrible job of spraypainting a DX symbol onto a piece of glass hanging over the camera.

(Note: Before the PPV began, there was a dark match featuring Val Venis and Rob Conway.)

Pyro goes off and the crowd go mental in the Charlotte Bobcats Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina, The Best Carolina. That’s right, I said it. 6,800 in attendance with 320,000 PPV buys at home. $400,000 from the gate alone with an average ticket price of around about $58. Close up on a homemade fan sign featuring the words “DX SUCK IT” in green sparkly glue. That’s right, arts and crafts are alive in Carolina tonight, I tell you what. Jumping Jim Ross and wife-beating Jerry “The King” Lawler on commentary this evening. Jerry is desperate to have the WWE title come back to Raw. Broadcasting with them this evening is our boys Hugo Savinovich and Carlos Cabrera. Guys in the background dance as Randal Keith Orton’s music hits and the smarmy motherfucker poses on the Titantron, golden shower of pyro exploding behind him. JR really spouts off the importance of this match – Randy’s second fight with Kurt Angle since he came back from that broken ankle. Cut to a lady in the crowd with an “RKO ME PLEASE” sign, singing along to Randy’s music. Come on love, you won’t survive an RKO. The man is a professional. Randy poses and the crowd’s reaction is mixed.

But then Kurt Angle’s music hits and no one questions the pop. Fuck yeah, Kurt Angle, one of my favourite lads. He’s wearing the same blood-smeared gumshield he was at ECW One Night Stand. Jerry tells him that he sucks, which is unfair, really. King then calls him “a former WWE superstar”.

Randy Orton def. Kurt Angle via pin in 12:50.

Bell goes and we get a lovely repeat of last month with Angle stalking Orton about the ring. Orton almost escapes through the ropes and Randy holds his hand out as if to say, “Woah, now.” JR points out that the crowd is not too pleased by this. Angle does for the double leg takedown and gets Orton in a hammerlock into a pin for a quick two. They grapple back and forth and Angle gets Randy’s ankle while he’s on the ropes. Angle dives onto the apron and attempts to German suplex Orton off the apron but Randy fights back. Angle Germans him once both are on the floor and the crowd chant “ECW! ECW!” King gives off to Angle and the Olympic Champion suplexes Randy back into the ring. The air is filled with smoke from the pyro.

Orton circles Angle and dropkicks him in the face before chucking him out of the ring. King calls the dropkick “A thing of beauty.” Angle is really roaring in pain. Cover in the ring for a two-count. Knee drop and another two-count. Chinlock city from Randy Orton but Angle reverses it into a modified Samoan Drop. Some punches and Irish whip to a shoulder barge. Another chin lock and the two men have a chat for a bit. A really long bit. Like, a minute. Orton uses the ropes to gain an unfair advantage. Angle is up to his feet and beating on Orton, runs the ropes and gets a knee to the face for his trouble. JR and King say that the ECW referees are on the work-release program completing community service. Lots of chin locks here.

Angle gives Orton an arm drag but he’s back down on the ground. Orton goes to the top rope, but Angle is damn near on the other side of the ring. Angle is up and gives Orton a belly-to-belly suplex from the top rope. Count out and the crowd is counting with him. Another belly-to-belly followed by another and an attempted Angle Slam but Randy escapes and gives a reverse backbreaker. Jesus, Randy. Angle has neck problems. Orton goes for the RKO and begins to undo the turnbuckle pad. Angle gives Randy a total of eight German suplexes, the last of which is released, throwing Randy outside.

Kurt jumps out to roll Randy back in, goes for the pin but gets two. Angle goes for the ankle lock but is kicked away by Orton. Randy checks the turnbuckle pad to make sure it is gone and receives another suplex. Angle removes his singlet straps and gets Orton in the ankle lock. Laborious crawl to break the ropes and Randy tosses the Olympic champ into the exposed turnbuckle, hits the RKO and gets the pin in 12:50.

2016 comments:

Great start from both Orton and Angle. Some nice ring psychology and foreshadowing with the exposed turnbuckle, though the payoff was less than impressive.

2006 comments:

My God I hate Randy Orton but that RKO is masterful.

Grade: B

Randy celebrates and sells his damaged ankle as it shows replays of the win. Bravely, Orton rises to the top of the damaged turnbuckle and hits his legend killer pose, the cocky skitter. Orton, the courage of a thousand men, walks up the ramp with only one ref by his side.

Cut to Vince McMahon on the phone, cutting a promo about DX on his flip phone. A kid in a wheelchair in a DX t-shirt comes in and Vince starts to berate him, thinking the child is a DX prank. He tells the kid to shut up and threatens to take the boy on a “ride to the highway to hell” and throws the kid out the door with a scream and a crash. In comes Coach with a “pistol pump” that apparently was outside Vince’s door. Vince tells the Coach that he just made a DX joke backfire and Coach informs Vince that the kid in question was one of his close family friends who idolised Vince… until he threw him down a flight of stairs. I wrote this entire synopsis after seeing a minute of the promo. It’s that predictable. The crowd reacts when the punchline hits, however, but I’m going to assume that it was a fake reaction because the damn thing wrote itself.

Umaga’s music hits and he comes down with Armando Alejandro Estrada, who is not introduced. JR calls the 350lbs monster a “super heavyweight”. Armando gets the mic and laughs his way through a Paul Heyman promo. Lillian Garcia looks on, wondering what mistakes she made to get for her life to come to this point. Armando says that Eugene “the special little boy” is bringing his friends to the ring. He says that Eugene can bring Superman, Spider-man, Aquaman or Wonder Woman (“I hear she’s in town,”) but he won’t beat Umaga. This is nonsense of course. There’s no way there could be a triple crossover with DC, Marvel and WWE at the same time. Fanboy’s wet dream.

Eugene’s music hits and this is the third time I have seen him so far in these reviews, which is four times too many. This is his first actual match, though. Eugene dances and invites out “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan with a “Hoooooo!” Then Doink’s music hits. What the fuck? Apparently, this Doink is Steve Lombardi, the Brooklyn Brawler, not the original Doink who was Matt Osborn, or the dozen other Doinks that there have been including Jeff Jarrett, the Bushwhackers and Chris Jjjjjjjerichoooooo. The crowd couldn’t care less about Doink. But wait… there’s more… Kamala comes out! A gimmick just as offensive as Umaga. Down he comes, slapping his belly and joining the others ringside.

Umaga w/ Armando Alejandro Estrada def. Eugene w/ “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Doink the Clown and Kamala via pin in 1:26.

Another Umaga match, another squash. Before the match even really begins, the crowd are loving the “USA! USA!” chants through the stadium. I don’t know who thought that a Eugene squash would make Umaga look more terrifying, especially considering the whuppin’ our boy Eugene got two weeks ago at ECW One Night Stand. But, here we are, ready to watch and be depressed. Umaga goes for Doink and Eugene defends his clown friend. The crowd chant a weak, “Eugene, Eugene!” as the man himself is knocked down. Another “Hooo!” chant and a second, “USA! USA!” Umaga charges at our boy Eugene and Estrada calls for the Samoan Spike to take Eugene down for the pin in one minute, twenty-six seconds.

2016 comments:

A dark time for wrestling.

2006 comments:

What is his appeal? And by “his”, I of course mean, “everyone in the ring”.

Grade: F

Duggan jumps in as Umaga brings Eugene to the corner to beat on him. Doink defends Duggan and gets a Samoan Spike for his troubles. Kamala slaps his belly for a while and Estrada tells Umaga to leave as Kamala is obviously mental. The crowd either boo Umaga’s cowardice or Kamala’s lack of beating. Kamala goes to check on Eugene as Mick Foley is interviewed backstage before his match with Ric Flair.

On the Card will return on July 2nd with the second part of Vengeance 2006.

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RUTHLESS AGGRESSION ERA #3.ECW ONE NIGHT STAND 2006 (June 11, 2006) PART 1

Ruthless Aggression #3: ECW One Night Stand – June 11, 2006

The Ruthless Aggression Era was a time when the WWE roster was so huge and so varied that they had no way of continuing storylines each week on their two main shows – RAW and Smackdown – and so they created the draft where wrestlers and announcers would be drafted onto either one of the two shows. Smackdown wrestlers would not (usually) be able to appear on Raw or interact with Raw wrestlers and vice versa.

Ten years ago, on June 11, 2006, the PPV ECW One Night Stand aired. It was an ECW PPV, obviously, and was meant to capitalise on the popularity of Extreme/Eastern Championship Wrestling from the early nineties to early 2000s. Honestly, ECW represented some dark side of wrestling for me. When I started watching wrestling, it was so cartoony that I never really realised that the guys could be fighting for real so it came as no news to me that it was scripted. ECW, however, was something primal, barbaric even. It seemed like those men wished each other harm. Personally, the PPV came at a time where I had grown weary with professional wrestling, confused by the sheer number of wrestlers and unwilling to spend so much time per week watching hours of footage and trawling through shows, replays, promos and matches. I simply watched the PPVs. Over the next four weeks, I will review this PPV from the perspectives of a fan looking back at it after a decade as well as my original thoughts as a younger man watching it at the time.

ECW One Night Stand 2006

Still no tagline this time around, owing to the fact that the Fed still thought only Raw was worth it. Still, the poster is pretty boss. We see old Rob Van Dam there jumping off a ladder like a ninja, briefcase in hand. Business ninja.

Show opens with the crowd in the Hammerstein Ballroom, New York, screaming an, “ECW! ECW!” chant. Music hits and out comes Paul E. Dangerously AKA Paul Heyman. He’s got the suit on underneath the trenchcoat, hat on top, ponytail hanging out the back. ?The crowd are loving it and Paul is swaggering about the place, bowing to the fans in the balcony and waving at everyone else.

Paul E. cuts a promo scathing ECW hardcore vs. WWE superstars. He spits on the mic, too. Pretty yucky, Paul. Paul then goes on to say that they have a global audience now and that they will show that audience where it all started. Bit silly to say that, seeing as ECW started in 1992 and closed in 2001, fourteen and five years previous to the PPV, respectively. Still, a nice line. He gets a, “thank you, Paul E.” chant. Big pop for the fact that they’re on PPV and on Sci-Fi for the ECW television show. That was another shitshow and that’s besides the point. Paul tells the crowd that the only reason they are there is because of the fans. He then thanks each and every one, individually.

Close up shot on the “If Cena Wins, We Riot” sign. Oh come on, Cena isn’t all that bad, guys. He can be hardcore, too.

Paul E. does the old, “This is better than Monday Night RAW, this is better than Friday Night Smackdown. Welcome to the rebirth of ECW!” routine and we cut to some dodgy CGI and 90’s reverb. Kind of makes you miss ECW, I suppose, if you’re into that sort of thing.

The song for this evening is “Bodies” by Drowning Pool, which is amazing.

Hammerstein Ballroom, New York. 2, 460 fans cram into the room to shout and throw things. Small numbers, better crowd, but it is clear that no one at the Fed could care less about this PPV. Joey Styles is on the announcer’s mic. No Spanish announcers, no Star Spangled Banner, this is low-budget as all hell and can either be the best thing ever or a shitshow.

I appreciate Styles’ skill on the mic. The ability to call a match on your own is remarkable and makes it feel like a real sporting event as opposed to a scripted professional wrestling match. The lack of colour commentator means that storylines and motivation don’t go over as easily, but that is a small price to pay. Let’s see how long before his nasal tone drains me.

Tazz! It’s Tazz! Out he comes, covered in smoke, swaggering down to the ring. His name is spelled with both Z’s but a closeup on a fan’s sight shows the original “Taz” spelling. His original music, “Survive if I let you,” plays, which isn’t as threatening as his WWF theme with the heart beating. He’s wearing a towel on his head and looks like hell. He’s not wearing any ring gear at all, stands in the corner, frowns and crosses his arms.

Jerry comes out, heeling it up like a motherfucker. His comedy heel tactics will not go over here. The crowd tell him that he sucks dick. He then goes over and slaps Joey Styles in the most worked announcer attack ever. Something happens during the announcement and the mic goes quiet.

Tazz def. Jerry “the King” Lawler via submission in 35 seconds.

Joey is in the ring as soon as the bell rings and jumps on Jerry’s back. He is knocked off and Jerry goes for the piledriver. Tazz grapples Jerry from behind, applies the Tazzmission and my favourite spot hits as the ref raises Jerry’s hand and drops it once… twice… thrice? That’s it? Match over? Oh fuck.

2016 comments:

Oh, we are off to a great fucking start.

2006 comments:

I’m sorry, I was looking away. What happened?

Grade: F

What was the purpose here? To put ECW over by handing Tazz a simple win? This is the ECW crowd! Don’t give them a thirty-five second match! The pop wasn’t even a pop, it was a confused grunt. Pish.

Cut to Joey who is making a big deal of checking his jaw. It’s fine though and, unfortunately, he continues to talk. He introduces the WWE vs. ECW extravaganza where the Raw, Smackdown and ECW battle royale ended with Randy Orton and The Big Show being the only who guys left. Big Show removed his Raw shirt to reveal that he, like Bruce Willis in the 6th Sense (spoiler alert) was with ECW all along. Then, just like Bruce Willis, he throws Randy Orton out of the ring and lifts Kurt Angle into the air.

Cut to Cena vs. Sabu. Sabu scares me. Cena is willing when Big Show pops in again and fucks it up for everyone.

Wait! Tazz is back at the commentary desk. Out comes Randy Orton. My God, he looks fantastic. I’m not a huge Orton fan, but this is my favourite Randy moment. He’s walking down the aisle and this kid leans out and gives him a punch on the arm. Randy stops, spins around, realises that the kid is about twelve, has a few words and as he’s walking away, mutters, “punk motherfucker,” to himself. The kid’s dad is so proud. Like, super proud of his son.

Now, Randy is not an amazing wrestler, though his RKO process is stuff of legend. He is killing it with his slow walk down to the ring, however. The crowd hate him. He is everything ECW is not. He strolls into the ring, hits his Legend Killer pose and then flirts with the crowd for a while. Fair play to him.

Tazz and Joey keep saying that Randy Orton looks out of place. Of course he does. Man has no scars on his face. He pops up on the turnbuckle and gets his pyro. Not one person in the audience is happy about seeing him. He’s really pantomiming his way through the intro.

Kurt gets his introduction before his music hits, which is probably just to remind the crowd that now Kurt is an ECW guy, just like The Big Show, despite the fact that neither of them worked in ECW before now. Angle comes out, his gumshield in. He gets a huge pop and a massive round of applause for being Kurt Angle. Don’t get me wrong, I love Kurt. Christ, if his music came on during an anti-American angle of any kind (like Rusev dissing the yanks), I would shit my pants.

Nice “Fuck ‘em up, Angle, fuck ‘em up!” chant gets started and the bell rings

Kurt Angle def. Randy Orton via submission in 15:07.

Randy circles Angle in an attempt to get away from the Olympic champion and catch him unawares. Considering the fact that Angle can’t turn his damn neck, I’m surprised that Orton isn’t able to sidestep him. Kayfabe or no kayfabe, though, this is Kurt fucking Angle. If you’ve read his book, you know that the man is hella serious about wrestling. Not professional wrestling, actual honest-to-God wrasslin’.

Randy tolls out of the ring and gets super booed for it. Test of strength and Angle goes for Orton’s leg, going for the ankle lock. Orton crawls out of the ring to get away from Angle. “Angle’s gonna kill you!” chant rises. A “Fuck you, Orton,” chant is created shortly thereafter. Angle gets Orton is a headlock, he escapes, Irish whips Angle and gets another headlock. Randy escapes again. The crowd call him a pussy.

Angle lifts Orton for a suplex and slaps him about the head for a while. Bear in mind that Angle was in the Olympics only ten years before this match. He’s still got it. Angle points to his neck, telling Randy, “come get it, first one is free.” Randy goes for the headlock and is knocked back. He goes again and again and is backdropped for his effort. Angle roars for a bit and the crowd chant, “ECW! ECW!”

Angle goes to shoulder barge Orton in the corner but Randy moves at the last second. Orton takes over for a while and the already slow pace crawls to a stop before Angle lifts Orton up and slams him back down. Orton knocks him down with an elbow and gets a two count. The crowd chant, “Go fuck Cena!” and Orton is clearly pissed. Crowd tell Orton, “You can’t wrestle!”

Angle gets on top of Orton and there are a few two-counts. The crowd start mixing chants for a while. Orton gets Angle in a headlock and the crowd get bored. All in all, the match has been very technical and not very exciting. The fans just want to see Randy get his fuck kicked in. Angle teases German suplexes twice before finally hitting Orton with one and getting an, “ECW! ECW!” chant for his effort. Both men are up and at ‘em and Angle hits Orton with three German suplexes in a row before attempting the Angle Slam. Orton hits Angle with a great dropkick but the crowd say, “Fuck you, Orton.”

Angle explodes up and hits the Angle Slam but it only gets a two count. He goes for the ankle lock but Randy escapes and hits him with a brutal neckbreaker. Only gets a two-count though. Randy does his weird snake crawl, looking for the RKO. He goes for it, is rejected and goes to the top rope. Randy Orton has no top rope moves. Why is he going to the top rope? To be belly-to-belly suplexed by Angle of course! Angle and Orton scramble at the top of the turnbuckle and Orton hits him with a crossbody before hitting a clothesline and going for another RKO. Again, it is rejected and Angle goes for the ankle lock. Orton has nowhere to go and taps out.

2016 comments:

An okay match, actually. The start was technical and the rest was professional, so a nice clean cut between the two styles. For my sins, I like both these guys; Orton because he’s a great heel and Angle because he’s Kurt fucking Angle.

2006 comments:

Actually, I might have watched ECW if it was more like this and less light tubes being ground into people’s eyes.

Grade: B

Angle celebrates for a while and he is so over, which is really weird considering that he’s never professionally wrestled anywhere but in the Fed. Tazz tells Angle to go back to Raw where he belongs. Randy wants two men to come out to help him be carried back to the locker room. The crowd call him a pussy and he waves at them, saying, “my fans! They’re my fans!”

What a total bastard.

Shot of New York and the FBI’s music hits. Big Guido is huge and is a legit 6 foot 9. He does, however, have a face like a handbag. Tazz takes the time to tell us which one is Little Guido (red), which one is Marmaluke (green) and which one is Big Guido (tall fucker). Big pop as Super Crazy and Tajiri come out. Both are looking great. Tazz loves Tajiri’s style and the crowd chant “Welcome back” to him.

The Full Blooded Italians [FBI] (Little Guido Maritato and Tony Marmaluke) w/ Big Guido def. Yoshihiro Tajiri and Super Crazy via pinfall in 12:24.

Bell goes and we have Crazy and Marmaluke arm toss each other. Tazz and Styles make Italian jokes like pricks. Tazz is from Brooklyn and is Sicilian, fair enough, but he doesn’t do any of this shit around the other wrestlers. You never hear him talking about Kurt Angle and dropping some recipes for pasta or whatever. Tajiri jumps in and gets a pop for it. He looks bored otherwise. Crazy and Marmaluke do some sweet chain wrestling. Styles and Tazz talk about how long it is to fly to Japan. The crowd chant either, “Nacho Libre!” or “Macho Libre!” and Tazz lets on that it’s advertising.

Crazy hits a fucking great Bob Backlund backdrop on Marmalike and then a super-high X-Factor. Tajiri and Little Guido come in. The crowd start chanting, “ECW! ECW!” Tajiri goes for the tiltawhirl backbreaker but Little Guido reverses into an armbar. This is a great match and Tajiri makes it better by spitting at Maraluke from the centre of the ring. He gets Little Guido into a tree of woe. Maramluke comes in and Crazy dropkicks him before getting Marmaluke into a tree of woe on the opposite turnbuckle. Stereo baseball slides and a two-count as Tajiri gives Little Guido the most disrespectful of all tea-bagged pins.

Crazy kicks ass for a while and hits the sweetest pair of moonsaults – one from Bret’s rope and the other to the outside from the apron. Big Guido starts beating on him and a cover by Little Guido is broken up by Tajiri. Marmaluke is Irish whipped into the ropes and when Crazy lifts him up, he holds onto the leg, dropping Marmaluke facefirst onto the mat. It looks super dangerous. Loads of submissions follow.

Tajiri dropkicks Little Guido’s knee and kicks Marmaluke in the face to save Crazy from the pin. Joey says that one of the boys is 5 foot 7 and has size 12 feet. “God Bless his wife. Walking with a limp.”

Tajiri has a great bunch of moves on Guido followed by a spinning hell kick and close pin. Tajiri gets Marmaluke in some mental spinning head scissors submission before springboarding off the ropes and hitting them both. Great superkick by Tajiri. Double Irish whip, do-se-do followed by a stereo Tarantula. Big Guido comes in and is beat on by Tajiri and Crazy. The FBI do a double clothesline on their opponents. Crazy is kicked into the crowd and the FBI double fisherman Tajiri for the pin in 12:24.

2016 comments:

Fucking great match. Spotfest, but a good spotfest. God love these men.

2006 comments:

No psychology and I don’t know these men but I want to see more.

Grade: A

Then the fucking Big Show comes out. The crowd are not unhappy about this, but Big Guido and the Big Show square off and both teams attempt to attack him. He dodges a Crazy lariat, bag breakers Marmaluke and throws him about like a ragdoll. Music hits and he leaves again. What was the point again?

Cut to Joey Styles and Tazz bigging up the two big matches when Cunt JBL appears. He’s on the balcony and he’s not in his wrestling gear. The crowd tell him that he sucks dick, which he does because he is a cunt. He says that he sees no women in the audience and that the audience are thus fruits. He then boasts about busting the Blue Meanie up in the previous year’s One Night Stand 2005.

Straight-up shoot fact: JBL and Blue Meanie had a big of heat, mostly because JBL is a backstage bully and hazes new guys and being stiff in the ring. Some of the stories are funny, some are great justice and some of them are just cruel. Kurt Angle’s autobiography “It’s True, It’s True” details a match on Sunday Night Heat where the APA beat seven shades of shite out of Public Enemy. If you watch the match, it is short, brutal and to the point. The Blue Meanie situation was different. Meanie was saying things about JBL on the internet, apparently in character, and the Texan took offence to it and opened some stitches on his head. There is a reason I call him Cunt JBL and that is because he is a cunt.

The crowd shout, “Booooring!” and he boasts about being a bully and that nothing happened to him for being this way. The audience tell him to shut the fuck up. JBL bigs up Vince and JBL threatens Tazz. JBL calls the audience geeks and they call him an asshole. He says, “You paid to see me. I didn’t pay to see you,” and Tazz says, “He wasn’t even advertised!” JBL says he is the voice of Smackdown, the “A” show, which is bullshit. JBL tells the audience to kiss his ass and that the show sucks.

Our ring announcer Stephen DeAngelis announces that the next match will be contested under Extreme Rules!

Music hits and out comes Sabu. The crowd pops for him. He is so badly scarred, he looks like hell but also looks fantastic. He’s like an anime character. Then comes Rey. Big pyro, no pop. He hugs kids and babyfaces it up. Rey was actually in ECW for a while, so he should have a bigger pop for that, but then it is revealed that he had turned down an offer for ECW from our man Paul Heyman.

Lights come up and the introductions begin. Both men have chairs. Homicidal, suicidal, genocidal Sabu gets a pop. Rey gets boos and looks upset about it. “Fuck ‘em up, Sabu, fuck ‘em up!” chant rises. The ref gets both men to drop their chairs and rings the bell.

Extreme Rules Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Sabu. Match ended in no contest in 9:10.

Tazz pronounces coffee as “cawfeee”. Sabu goes for Rey’s knee and, amazingly, it doesn’t blow out. Rey looks so smooth and perfect next to Sabu. Duelling chairs to start off with and Sabu flips Rey in the air, sets up a chair and goes for Air Sabu but Rey falls forward and misses the chair shot. Rey then hits Sabu with a hurricanrana off the chair. Sabu denies him a 619 and cracks him in the face with a chair. It sounds brutal. Sabu sets up the table on the apron over to the ring edge. Sabu rolls into the ring, sets up the chair and goes to jump but Rey moves. Sabu takes an awful looking drop to the floor. Rey wastes no time in moonsaulting for the two-count.

Rey cracks Sabu a punch and gets caught between the top two ropes. Sabu does a great leg drop off the top rope to Rey’s neck but no pin. He then does another leg drop while holding a chair, moving the chair below his arse to get some sort of chair leg drop combo. No dice so the maniac runs out, sets up a ladder and is swiftly kicked on it by Rey. Mysterio then jumps from the top rope, hitting Sabu in the face with his balls. Sabu looks hurt, is twisting and stretching his arm as the ref throws up the X. Rey holds his balls and slides back into the ring.

It’s Rey’s turn to hit the leg drop on Sabu. He Irish whips the maniac into the corner and goes for another jump-off-the-chair spot but Sabu jumps. Rey tries to reverse into a moonsault but Sabu moves off and springboards off the ropes for a butt-bump of his own. The crowd chants for Sabu, as if he is the only man in the match. He then does a great moonsault and goes for the leg-drop-chair-shot (the Atomic Arabian Face Buster, according to the announcers) but misses. Mysterio sits Sabu in the chair and goes to hit him again but Sabu misses for the second ball-shot of the match. Sabu just throws the chair at Rey with a huge crack. Sabu sets Rey up on the table and jumps at him, DDTing him in the air through the fucking table. Lads come out to see them, both men are in huge amounts of pain and a lad in a necktie stops the match in 9:10.

2016 comments:

Absolutely brutal. Very scary match. Rey and Sabu do not have the best safety record because they’re both mental.

2006 comments:

Christ of almighty, is this ECW? I might actually like it.

Grade: C

Crowd call bullshit, the bloody bastards. Both men are apparently getting taken to the hospital. Sabu is rolling everywhere, unable to stand, seemingly. He gets applause though.

On the Card will return on June 18th with the second and final part of  ECW One Night Stand 2006.

Ruthless Aggression Era #2. Judgment Day 2006 (May 21, 2006) Part 2

Previously on On the Card: Judgment Day 2006 was heating up with a decent Benoit match and a regrettable Women’s Wrestling match. Can we start some momentum heading into our two main events?

Promo of the 1996 King of the Ring with Stone Cold cutting that amazing promo that elevated him to superstardom. Another reminder of the Lashley/T match later on in the night.

Gregory Helms’ music plays and down comes the artist formerly known as the Hurricane. He is the WWE Cruiserweight Champion and looks a million Dollars. Super Crazy comes down on his lawnmower. Wow. Not offensive to Latinos at all. Christ Almighty, WWE.

Luis Gonzalez is in the audience. Very exciting.

Tazz says, “look at the hair on Helms,” before Maggle goes, “Helms? You mean Crazy?” Tazz mutters something in response and the match begins.

Cruiserweight Championship match: Gregory Helms (c) def. Super Crazy via pinfall in 09:55.

Quick rollup at the start by Super Crazy followed by two more before Helms chucks him out of the ring. Crazy pulls himself back in and another rollup. Helms gets knocked over the top rope and goes for the suicide dive but the ref stops him. Crazy is not going to be deterred, however, and jumps over the ref! “ECW!” chant rises.

Super Crazy is so over here, even though he hasn’t done anything new or different that other competitors in other matches have done. Helms is pretty dazed and Super Crazy takes him to the corner for the ten-punch. He gets six. Helms hits Crazy with a great running neckbreaker followed by a standing neckbreaker followed by a reverse choke hold. Maggle and Tazz talk shite in the background. Crazy fights back and is knocked to the floor by Helms. Helms drags Crazy to the apron and smacks him a bunch. Another pin attempt.

Maggle says that Helms is glad he isn’t the Hurricane, which is nonsense because the Hurricane was brilliant. “Super Crazy!” chant rises and we have rest hold city from both men. This match is not exciting.  Lots of shots of the crowd chanting. No one cares. Helms has a side headlock on Super Crazy and minutes have gone past with very little action. Crazy is more focussed on the elastic in his pants. Finally, Crazy is up, jumping off the ropes and back to another choke hold. Helms goes to Bret’s rope, hits a double-foot nothing and Crazy is back up and fighting back.

Neither competitor can get much momentum until Crazy hits a spinning backbreaker, round of punches and standing moonsault to a two-count. He’s on the turnbuckle for a missile dropkick that gets a two-count. He goes up again, hits a moonsault but Helms rolls out of the way. He goes for the Shining Wizard, Crazy ducks it and another two-count. Maggle talks about how you can only get cruiserweights on Smackdown. Just as well if the matches are this shite.

Helms gets a rollup and the ref does a horrible job of the count, hitting his feet off Super Crazy’s feet. Some fightback and another jumping neckbreaker from Helms. Super Crazy slaps Helms, chucks him into the turnbuckle and goes for the hurricanarana. Helms counters it, goes for the pin and uses the ropes for leverage for the win in 09:55.

2016 comments:

Not great. I like Shane Helms. I like the Hurricane. I hate Gregory Helms. I’m not a huge fan of Super Crazy either. Seems like this match was just like the rest holds: time wasting.

2006 comments:

I miss the Hurricane.

Grade: C.

Helms celebrates and we cut backstage to where Melina is still on television! Who is caring about this woman other than Cameron? Melina and Nitro go to Teddy Long and complain. Teddy says he doesn’t care and Melina slaps him. Teddy fires her for it. He then fires Nitro. We don’t care.

Tazz and Maggle remind us of the King of the Ring 2000 tournament where it was Angle vs. Rikishi. Angle belly-to-belly suplexed Kish off the top rope to become King of the Ring. Very exciting. We see Anthony Robles, a one-legged boy who can wrestle. Good show.

Mark Henry’s ass-kicking music hits and the World’s Wettest Man comes out. We see him frog splash Angle through a couple of tables. Henry goes straight to the announcer’s table to get it ready for a whuppin’. He gets the mic and makes a proclamation that Kurt Angle is a damn fool who doesn’t realise that Mark Henry hurts lads, including Batista. He then pauses before calling the audience “people”, the implication being that they are not people.

Angle’s music hits and the crowd pops. Kurt Angle is great. His music is fantastic. Angle has those mental black gum shields on and runs into the ring to attack Henry.

Mark Henry def. Kurt Angle via countout in 09:11.

Mark Henry is not a great wrestler. Kurt Angle is both one of the best legit and professional wrestlers of all time. This match will balance out at being okay. Kurt has cracked ribs and Henry wastes no time in going for them. Angle does a stupid senton from Bret’s rope, landing on his head. C’mon, Kurt. You have neck problems, bro.

Angle flips over Henry and Henry decides to sit on Angle. Maggle tells us that the two men were in the Olympics together and Angle won gold where Henry won nothing. Angle goes to German suplex Henry onto the announcer’s table but Henry fights back. Submission city back in the ring as Angle beats on Mark’s leg. Henry knocks Angle down and has a wee stroll about the ring, walking off his sore knee.

Angle is on the floor and Henry hits him with a double axe handle smash to the back of his neck followed by a boot to the ribs. He then stands on Kurt’s chest because he’s an awful bastard. Tazz tells us that if your ribs are sore, your body hurts. Thanks for coming, Tazz. Little Naitch is having a go at Henry and we have camel clutch city. Mark Henry, of course, has never fucked a man nor made him humble, so it’s only a matter of time before Kurt is on his feet, fighting back. Henry lifts Angle for the World’s Strongest Slam that Angle counters into a DDT.

The two men trade blows in the middle of the ring and Angle ducks a punch to deliver a German suplex to Henry. Angle removes his singlet straps and hits Henry with an Olympic Slam. Two count. A two count for an Olympic Slam. What the fuck, boys? Henry gets him with a clothesline and gets a two-count of his own. Henry goes for the World’s Strongest Slam and Angle gets the ankle for the Ankle Lock. Henry kicks Angle out and throws him onto the announcer’s table. He goes to frog splash Angle and Kurt rolls out of the way. Little Naitch is counting Angle out and reaches ten. Mark Henry wins by countout in 09:11.

2016 comments:

Angle is so good that he makes Mark Henry look good! Waste of a match. Bad feud.

2006 comments:

I’ll have another cup of tea, I guess.

Grade: D.

It’s a sad state of affairs when Kurt Angle gets anything less than an A rating from me. Henry stares Angle down for a moment and goes to get some heat by laying Angle on the table and beating on him. Angle fights back and goes for the steel chair. One shot to the knee, four to the body and Angle hits the Ankle Lock on Henry, who taps instantly, but Angle does not let go. There are six men dragging Angle from Henry. The crowd are baying for tables and Angle breaks free to Olympic Slam Henry onto the announcer’s table, but it does not break. Angle then cracks Henry with a brutal chair shot to the head. The World’s Strongest Man falls forward, finally bursting the announcer’s table to pieces. Bad show on Angle’s part. Head shots are bad stuff, Angle.

Booker T and his mad wife Sharmell are backstage. Sharmell says that Booker T will be a better King (of the Ring) than King Arthur, King Tut, King James, Don King, Martin Luther King and King Kong. It’s an odd promo and seems a bit orgasmic. Promo showing some older King of the Ring winners and the eight lads who went in for it: Kurt Angle, Randy Orton, Matt Hardy, Booker T, Fit Finlay, Chris Benoit, Mark Henry and Bobby Lashley. Angle had to forfeit after his frog splash from Mark Henry. Some Killswitch Engage plays to show Lashley antagonising Booker T.

This is the first KotR tournament since 2002, so these two men have a lot to fight for. Booker T comes out, seemingly hypnotised by the robe, sceptre, crown and throne. Sharmell is doing her queen wave. She’s a great woman. And she’s from Gary, Indiana, which I did not realise was a real place until just there now. Apparently the Jackson 5 were born there. Tazz is not choosing sides here, saying that King Booker sounds as good as King Lashley.

Straight-up shoot fact: Sharmell was Miss Black America in 1991, which, although wonderful, suffers from the double-whammy of being a beauty pageant and being for specifically black women, as if they are not American enough to be in the normal Miss America pageant. Not that either of them should exist because fuck Donald Trump.

Lashley comes down to his generic music. He looks the business. He’s like Ahmed Johnson, only you can understand what he’s saying. Lashley jumps into the ring and gets big pops from the crowd. Fair play to him. Sharmell isn’t happy about this. Bobby and Booker are face-to-face and Bobby tosses Booker across the ring when the match starts.

King of the Ring 2006 final: Booker T w/Sharmell def. Bobby Lashley via pinfall in 09:15.

Both Lashley and T are huge, by the way. Lashley is more defined than T, but they’re both massive lads and very intimidating in the ring. Lashley uses brute force to get T into the corner and holds him there for some time. T returns the favour and Lashely fights back with an explosive suplex and a two-count followed by another two-count followed by Lashley working Booker’s arm.

T is up and gets Lashley ready for a German suplex but Bobby counters and half-German’s T on his face. Lashley and T fight for a while until Bobby actually lifts Booker into the air and places him on the turnbuckle. T dodges the spear and Bobby falls outside, where he gets a smack by the steel ring steps. Booker stomps a mudhole in him and walks it dry. T works Bobby’s arm for a while off the ropes and goes for the pin but gets only a two-count. Some smart fucker in the front row is wearing a championship belt that is shining right into the hard cam. Cut to Tazz and Maggle sans table.

T gets a great spinny clothesline from Bobby Lashley and the two men are down. When they come up, Bobby is back in control. He is fast as fuck when he needs to be. He hits T with an inverted atomic drop and Sharmell is on the apron, dristracting the ref enough for Booker to hit Lashley with his heel. He goes for the Book End, misses it and as Lashley goes to the ropes, Sharmell grabs him. Booker T hits him with the superkick, followed by the Book End. Bobby catches a lariat, turns it into a running powerslam and gets only two counts.

This match has a good amount of near falls. Good stuff. Bobby gets Booker with the spear and Sharmell is in the ring, distracting the ref. In comes Finlay, cracking Bobby with the shillelagh and gives Booker enough time to get the pin in 09:15.

2016 comments:

Great match, screwy ending, no one goes over.

2006 comments:

I have never been more embarrassed to be Irish. Fuck you, Fit Finlay.

Grade: B.

Sharmell is celebrating and the crowd is booing and with good reason. Booker deserved to win, but he deserved to win clean. Sharmell crowns her king and Lashley spears him through the throne. Sharmell still places the crown on Booker, as if it has healing powers. Great stuff, actually. When Booker gets up, he groans, “My robe… my robe, baby,” and has it wrapped around him like a child. I love this stuff.

On the Card will return on June 4th with the third and final part of Judgment Day 2006.