Attitude Era #11. In Your House 14: Revenge of the ‘Taker (April 20, 1997) Part 1

On the Card: Attitude Era #11 In Your House 14: Revenge of the ‘Taker – April 20, 1997

In the previous entry, I looked at WrestleMania 13. It was the WrestleManiaiest WrestleMania. The next PPV was In Your House, the fourteenth of its name and its subtitle was Revenge of the ‘Taker. Yeah, not Undertaker… ‘Taker. Oh, old Vince would have gone bananas over young Vince for that.

Over the next few weeks, I will review this PPV from the perspectives of a fan looking back at it after two decades as well as my original thoughts as a teenager watching it at the time (though this particular PPV was one I watched in 1998 as my family did not have the channels necessary to watch wrasslin’).

WWF In Your House 14: Revenge of the ‘Taker 1997

Ain’t no tagline here.

Lovely grey intro to show Mankind burning Taker with some lovely flash paper cut with Mankind screeching crazy stuff. Cut to the Undertaker’s Entrance and Big Texas Red’s voice as he reads from a piece of paper to tell him that he has a wicked rage. Lightning strikes! Pyro hits and the ring erupts as we are welcomed to Rochester Community War Memorial in Rochester, New York. What a place to have a wrestling PPV. Vince screams himself half to death… as a mariachi band plays. No time to introduce the announcers – Vince McMahon, Jumpin’ Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler – as “rrrrrrrrrwhattaraaaaash!” and the motherfucking Legion of Doom rock out – Hawk and Animal – and the crowd go ballistic. Some smelly mark in the crowd is wearing the LOD armour. The grainy footage, awesome music and huge men make this especially terrifying. Christ, I remember watching this and thinking that these men were genuine monsters who lived in the Badlands.

Cut to two weeks ago at RAW where those gosh darned Godwinns throw their slop at Owen and Bulldog, but the pair duck and LOD get splashed! Oh, the humanity! LOD beat seven shades out of them for it, but then take a loss a week later due to Owen bopping one of them with the belt! The rascals.

Finally we see our announce team. They all look lovely. JR is shouting as fast as he can to get all the lines out as quickly as possible. There are 6,477 souls in attendance with a buyrate at home of 176,250. Vince calls LOD “pumped and jacked.”

Speaking of jacked, out comes Bulldog and two-time Slammy-Award-Winning Owen Hart.

(Note: Before the PPV began there was a match on Free-For-All featuring Flash Funk and his two Funkettes: Tracy and Nadine being soundly beaten by The Sultan (Rikishi).)

JR tells us that LOD need to win early because the longer a match goes on, the more chance that the agile gentlemen will win.

Tag Team Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship: Owen Hart and the British Bulldog (c) vs. The Legion of Doom (Hawk and Animal).

I’ve changed up the titles: order of entrance or champions first if it’s a title match. I like that the challengers come out first though. That’s very respectful.

I love how LOD are still introduced as Road Warrior Animal and Road Warrior Hawk. It’s nice.

Animal and Owen start off together. Animal beats seven shades out of Owen, even jumping in the air to shoulder barge him. The pair lock up and Owen stomp-punches Animal, applying a facelock and taking a lovely lift for it. Bulldog tags in, tassles and all. Hawk is tagged in and after a great dropkick, a pin attempt. Lovely pace here, really nice to watch. Hawk gives Bulldog a shoulder barge, Owen the ”shove it up ye” sign and Bulldog takes over after a telegraphed back body drop and stalling suplex. Owen is in and tries to hit the Sharpshooter as newly-faced JR talks about America and how great it is. Animal is tagged in and hits a fantastic snap powerslam. Beautiful.

Side-by-side shot of Stone Cold turning up as Animal hits a lovely gorilla press. Animal asks for a tag without even looking and Hawk gives a great splash from the top rope. Hawk is thrown into the corner and as he hits it, bumps into Owen who sells like death. The crowd are going ballistic. Bulldog tags in and stands over Hawk, stomping him. JR says some heelish things. Bulldog knocks Hawk to the ground, who is building to a hot tag. Owen hits the sleeper hold and Hawk passes out almost immediately. JR and Jerry have a wee back-and-forth. Bulldog lifts Hawk, who escapes it and tags in Animal for a fantastic super powerslam and the win.

Animal has pinned The British Bulldog to win the WWF Tag Team Championship in… 10:11?

I think my DVD skipped something because the timing was closer to seven minutes than ten. Maybe there were some rest holds they cut out. I’ve heard of them shortening DVDs before so this may be true.

Oh wait, a second referee turns up and announces that the pinfall does not count as Bulldog was not the legal man and so the match must continue and if Bulldog and Owen don’t go back to the ring by ten, they will lose the belts (an illegal action as belts cannot change on a countout regardless of whether illegal wrestlers were pinned or not). The crowd begin to count to ten. Bulldog and Owen rush in. Owen actually throws Hawk out. Owen tags in and knocks down Animal. The announcers give off about the inconsistencies. Brilliant. The crowd bay for LOD.

Owen distracts the ref as there is a sunset flip behind him. Vince calls Bulldog and Owen hooligans. We see the alleged illegal move that sends Owen out. Hawk is in, kicking seven shades of shite out of the boys. Dangerous-looking Doomsday Device where Owen damn near lands on his neck. There’s a pin and the ref stalls just in time for Bret Hart to pop in and cost LOD the tag titles.

Bret Hart has interfered with the match, meaning that The Legion of Doom win by disqualification. However, Owen Hart and The British Bulldog are still WWF Tag Team Champions in 10:11.

2017 comments:

That flew by. That was one of the best matches I have seen in this blog, by Christ. LOD destroyed Bulldog and Owen. Great pace, great high impact. Everyone looked fantastic. The only thing is the LOD are awful at selling and it would have been nice to see Owen and Bulldog maybe get close to winning a few times, two-counts, that sort of thing. First “match” was amazing, but the reset lost momentum, energy and wasn’t fun to watch, which was a shame.

1997 comments:

Who are these glorious men?

Grade: A.

Real shame. LOD were super over and should have won. They clean house as the crowd call the Hart Foundation all the cunts of the day. Both Hawk and Animal stand mid-ring, looking pissed off. The ref runs off from Hawk and Animal, who look legit pissed.

Backstage, Dok Hendrix says that Owen and Bulldog are lucky to win. Owen reacts amazingly when Hendrix tells him Stone Cold has arrived.

Back in the arena, a bunch of white boys raise their fists as Savio Vega and Crush saunter to the ring with JC Ice and Wolfie D. The Nation of Domination stand mid-ring, an absolutely great bunch of lads. By any means necessary. We see a replay of Savio pulling on Rock’s tights.

Backstage, my boy KK Kevin Kelly speaks to The Rock, who hammers through his promo with the same speed that JR rocks through his lines. Where is the charismatic Rock, you say? He’s about half a year away. Chill.

He pops down to the ring, doing his Rock walk despite still being Rocky Maivia. Though he speaks not like The Rock, he moves like him and jumps into the ring with his belt still on! The psycho!

Match for the WWF Intercontinental Championship: Rocky Maivia (c) vs. Savio Vega (with Crush and the Nation of Domination).

Savio is knocked down instantly and Rocky pops the belt off, giving a lovely hip toss before Faarooq appears with his injured shoulder. Rocky does a lovely jump and two more hip tosses. Faarooq sits beside the announcers and due to microphone issues, we can’t hear him. JR gives him his own mic and Faarooq gives off about it. It turns out Faarooq has challenged Ahmed Johnson to a match against all the members of the NOD. In the ring, nothing happens. The crowd cheer for Rocky and he hits a lovely crossbody. Faarooq tells us that if Ahmed can defeat the NOD, then the Nation will be disbanded. Vince says there’s no way that Ahmed can defeat Savio Vega, Crush and Faarooq on the same night.

Faarooq has a great line – “It’s like we’re married, me and Ahmed – ‘til death do us part!” This is followed by a lot of death talk.

Vulcan nerve pinch mid-ring on Rocky. Rock hits a great bridging suplex but the ref is distracted – second time this night – and the pin is broken. Savio chops Rocky in the corner, getting big “woo!”s from the crowd. A pin attempt. A fail. Jerry says that Ahmed is hooked on ebonics. Rock hits a lovely spinning DDT – “a classic manoeuvre!” from Vince – and a pin attempt but fails. Roll up, pull of the pants and Savio attempts a shoulder barge but fails. Rock hits a fantastic backdrop-to-kip-up combo. Another pin attempt. Rock hits a lovely Rock Bottom and backslide. Crush stands on the hard cam like a goon and Rock is thrown into him. Crush hits the heart punch when the ref’s back is turned and the official begins a countout.

Rocky Maivia has been counted out, meaning that Savio Vega wins by countout. However, Rocky Maivia is still WWF Intercontinental Champion in 8:33.

2017 comments:

It was a storyline match where the action failed when Faarooq was cutting his promo. Not very good despite both men being amazing.

1997 comments:

Ohhhh. Tag team dissention?

Grade: C.

Two matches, two screwy finishes and two ref distractions. Not good.

Savio gives off to Crush, who walks into the ring. The crowd go bananas as Faarooq and Immigration Clarence Mason and the rest of the Nation head in. The men decide to just beat on Rocky instead. JR calls them a pack of dogs. Out comes Ahmed with a 2×4, shouting nonsense and taking off his top. The rascal. You can’t take him anywhere. Rocky gets to his feet. Ahmed calls Savio an illegal immigrant, Crush a convict and Faarooq, a black ass. He takes the challenge to fight all of NOD in one night. Rock is gone, the camera is on Ahmed. This was never a Rocky match, this was not about the Intercontinental champion, it was about NOD and Ahmed. Rock hugs Ahmed.

On the Card will return on April 27 2017 with the second part of In Your House 14: Revenge of the ‘Taker.

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ATTITUDE ERA #8: WRESTLEMANIA 13 (Mar 23, 1997) PART 3

Previously on On the Card: Chyna.

Promo for Bret and Stone Cold. Bret says that he’s been screwed by Shawn, Stone Cold and the WWF. Just wait nine months, brother. Stone Cold gives off to the Shitman, beats on him and whups his aaaaass. The announcer lets on that Stone Cold is some sort of false prophet. We see Bret applying the Sharpshooter.

Ken Shamrock is mid-ring, an absolute tank of a man. He is terrifying, no doubt about it.

Backstage, Stone Cold is walking towards the ring. It’s so weird to hear the smashing glasses without the crowd going berserk. Stone Cold has a special sheet of sugar glass set up with Austin 3:16 written on it. As he walks near it, it shatters and he walks right through it. I love him. By Christ he’s great.

Bret’s music hits and, of course, he gets a bigger pop that Stone Cold. Farty pyro. He walks over the broken glass, strolls right up the aisle and Vince says he has a mixed reaction. No mix. He’s getting a pop, by Christ. Vince is just making it out that he’s a tweener. Bret enters the ring and Stone Cold tackles him, forcing the bell to ring to begin the match.

Submission match with Ken Shamrock as special guest referee: Bret The Hitman Hart vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin via Sharpshooter in 22:05.

Stone Cold is battering the shite out of Bret but then the pair of them roll out of the ring. No pinfalls, no count out, no disqualifications. It’s what later becomes known as an “I Quit” match, though it is not named as such. Bret tosses Austin into the barricade and he replies by suplexing Bret on, his balls hitting the metal. McMahon tells us to forget about it. The two men run into the crowd. Austin steals a beer and throws it onto Bret, stomping a mudhole in him and walking it dry. The crowd get around the camera and Stone Cold is looking for weapons but can’t find any. Bret drags Austin up the stairs and some dopey fan tries to touch the wrasslers. King says, “Hit that drunk!”

The pair of them are lost in the crowd. Austin takes a bump onto the steps. Punches are thrown. A chant rises. Finally, they get back into the ring and Stone Cold tosses Bret into the steel steps. He follows it up with a jump from the apron after flipping the bird. Good man, Stone Cold. Stairs are lifted up and Austin takes a nasty fall on his arse. Bret batters away with the fists on Austin. Both men roll in and Bret hits the swinging neckbreaker, goes to his own rope and drops the axe handle on Austin.

Bret knocks Austin’s knee, softening him up for the Sharpshooter. Shamrock asks Austin if he wants to quit. He says, “No!” obviously. Sure the match has hardly started. We still have fifteen minutes left. Bret bumps like a boss, crashing down on the left leg of Austin. Stunner from Stone Cold and he has some time to recover. King says something sensible, “You need to be careful. Bret can’t submit if he’s unconscious.”

Bret gets up, not really selling the Stunner, and gets a hanging Figure Four on the turnbuckle corner. Austin escapes and rolls out. Bret rolls Austin back in and goes for the ring bell, picking up a blue bell with – what looks like – pee stains all up on it. Bret puts the chair around Stone Cold’s ankle and the place erupts. As he goes top rope, Austin jumps up and busts Bret on the head and back with the chair. Body slam, Irish whip, Stone Cold back in control. He gives a lovely snap suplex, goes to Bret’s rope and hits the double-fingers and the elbows.

Cut to Bret’s daughter in the audience, hands over her face. King laughs. Russian leg sweep and submission. King calls for Austin to break Bret’s neck. Cunt. Bret’s dad looks horrified. Ould Stu. Austin hits the Boston Crab. Bret drags himself to the rope, laboriously, and breaks the hold. It’s no DQ. It should not have made a difference! Stone Cold attempts to get Bret into the Sharpshooter and the crowd pops. Bret fights Austin off and gets tossed out of the ring. Austin taunts the crowd, leaves and gets tossed past the cameraman into the announcers and the timekeepers. Austin takes the time to blade and has bust himself wide open.

Steve is thrown into the ringpost and is bust very badly. Bret hardways Stone Cold some more. Austin is bleeding a lot. Backbreaker followed by a Bret’s rope elbow. A chair shot to Austin’s injured knee. Bret goes for the Sharpshooter and is unable to get it in. Blood is everywhere. Bret beats on Austin’s face and gets a kick to the balls for his effort. Austin is bleeding heavily and lifts Bret by the hair, tossing him into the ring post. He stomps a mudhole in Bret and walks it dry. Bret it put on top of the turnbuckle and both men fall with a superplex. Austin is a bloody mess. Bret gets thrown out and he gets some electrical cord. Both men face the hard cam and as Bret chokes, he lifts the ring bell up and smashes Austin.

Bret goes for the Sharpshooter. Austin can’t reach the ropes. He’s a bloody mess, looking up, screaming, shouting, “Nooo!” the blood squirting from his head, dripping down into his teeth. He half-breaks the Sharpshooter, tries to reach the rope. Ken asks, “Steve! Do you submit? If you do not answer, you will lose!” Austin passes out and Ken rightfully ends the match, giving the win by submission to Bret Hart in 22:05.

2017 comments:

Slow-paced, brilliantly fought match. One of the best matches from either men and one of the best WrestleMania matches of all time.

1997 comments:

Good man yourself, boys. What more can be said?

Grade: A

Bret goes to beat on Austin some more and Shamrock gives him a little suplex. Big pop from the crowd as Bret is making his heel turn. Boos from the crowd as he leaves. Bret looks genuinely pissed off, like he can’t understand the whole heel/face dynamic. Reminds me of the time Batista had a huff.

Austin is getting help from the ref, stunners him to zero applause and leaves to applause, limping is way backstage alone. He gets big, “Austin! Austin!” chants at a time when chants did not exist. He walks backstage, limping the whole way. What a man.

JR and Vince put over the Bret Hart heel turn. Big closeups of the blood. King puts over Stone Cold and says he did not submit.

Back stage, Faarooq is with Todd Pettengill, Nation of Domination and Immigration Clarence Mason. Faarooq gives off about the Road Warriors and Ahmed Johnson.

In the arena, NOD’s music hits and JC Ice and Wolfie D absolutely kill it with their nice white boy rap. The NOD have brought lots of weapons. They all lift their fists together. Fucking great stable. In the ring tonight is Faarooq, Crush and Savio Vega. Vince tells us that WrestleMania is going to be in Boston next year and not to buy tickets.

Ohhhhhhh what a rush! The Legion of Doom, those enemies of the Super Friends! Black Manta, Giganta, Toyman, the Riddler, Lex…. Wait… I’m thinking of the other ones. Sorry, you mean The Legion of Doom/The Road Warriors/The Hell Raisers/The Hell Warriors/LOD 200 and LOD 2005. Hawk and Animal rock down to the ring with their spiked armour and with Ahmed Johnson, who has some spiked armour of his own. What a bunch of yokes.

Straight-up Shoot Fact: The team were known as both the Road Warriors and the Legion of Doom through their time. They were originally managed by Paul Ellering and have had Sunny and Christy Hemme as valets. Previous members of the team have included Crush (who they fight tonight), Dusty Rhodes, Puke (also known as Droz), and Heidenreich.

These men are so over. The crowd is going bananas for them. They have actually brought a kitchen sink to this match. Faarooq attacks the lads and the bell rings.

Chicago Street Fight: The Legion of Doom and Ahmed Johnson def. The Nation of Domination via pin in 10:45.

No countouts, no disqualifications…. Unless the storyline calls for it, of course. This should be a schmoz, but it might not be. LOD stereo gorilla press JC Ice and Wolfie D. Clarence Mason gets thrown about. Hawk gets the crap kicked out of him by everyone and Faarooq batters Animal. Ahmed jumps into the crowd after Crush and hammers him with a trash can. Hawk has the 2×4, misses Savio, hits the ring ropes and the wood fires into the air. He catches it! Anmial has Faarooq on the announce table… and botches it. Was it supposed to be a piledriver? Apparently.

The crowd chant for LOD. A fire extinguisher has went off ringside. The match collapsed into a schmoz with no spots. One of the NOD lads sets up a street sign in the corner and hawk is thrown into it. JR says, “This is amazing. This is a history-making WrestleMania,” and although I know this is garbage wrestling… I’m enjoying it. Ahemd body slams Faarooq through a table. The French announcers are gone. Crowd chant for LOD. Another fire extinguisher used. Brilliant. This is top class. Savio tries to get the trash can on Ahmed but it falls off. He gets a rope and puts it around Ahmed’s neck, a lovely wee noose. Looks like we’re gonna have a good, old-fashioned lynching, boys!

Hawk goes into the ropes and hits the double clothesline. King quips, “That was the first wrestling match I’ve seen all night.” One of the NOD guys seems to be D’lo Brown. Nice one, D’lo! The parking sign is being swung about. Faarooq his choking Hawk and Crush is battering on Animal. There’s a good old stomping happening over on Ahmed. Something happens with the noose and we see that Hawk pulled Faarooq off the top turnbuckle. Faarooq is getting lynched by Ahmed and he is finally released. Vince states that there has to be a pin at some point and Ahmed takes the hint, setting up the Pearl River Plunge. The ring is cleared and Crush is set up by LOD for the Doomsday Device. Great stuff. Ahmed has the 2×4 and there is a weak battering with it and a loose pin for the win in 10:45.

2017 comments:

Garbage wrestling, waste of time, no spots and no storyline… but I fucking loved it. Seriously. What a fun match. It was just a bunch of lads hitting each other with things.

1997 comments:

This… this is terriric. What type of match did you say that was? A hard… core match. Hardcore, huh? And what would softcore be? Oh right. Well I much prefer hardcore, thank you very much.

Grade: A

NOD pop back in and people are Pearl River Plunged left and right. Double Doomsday Device on JC Ice and Wolfie D. Ahmed’s arse cheek is out. Nice.

That was easily the piss-break match but it was fucking great. I love LOD. Big Roid Bellies on them.

On the Card will return on April 13 2017 with the fourth and final part of WrestleMania 13.

Attitude Era #8: Royal Rumble 1997 (Jan 19, 1997) Part 3

Previously on On the Card: Mexicans steal the show!

In the ring, Howard Finkel tells us that there are 60,477 people in the Alamodome. I love how the Fed just love wanking themselves off over the size of their crowds. Fink tells us that the Royal Rumble is about to begin, with a new man joining each 90 seconds, eliminations can only take place by falling outside. The winner is the last man standing and they will face the WWF champ at Wrasslemania.

Our first entrant is Crush, coming in with his NOD team of JC Ice and Wolfie D with Immigration Clarence Mason and two unnamed NOD men. Only Shawn Michaels has won from the number one spot.

Number two comes out: Ahmed Johnson! What a wet fart.

The 1997 Royal Rumble.

A First Challenger Appears: Crush.

A Second Challenger Appears: Ahmed Johnson.

NOTE: The times given for each elimination are how long the competitor stayed in the ring.

Ahmed slides in and Crush beats on him, picking up where Faarooq left off. Ahmed gets a big head of steam on him and Ahmed fights back, tossing him about. The two men roll around for a while and are aiming to kick seven shades of shite out of each other. They are just wasting time, waiting for number three to come out and the crowd is dead.

A Third Challenger Appears: Razor Ramon.

No theme Ramon comes out, the crowd boo and he gets stuck in, punching and building up a big head of steam before Ahmed throws him out for a bit of a pop.

Razor Ramon has been eliminated by Ahmed Johnson in 17 seconds.

Vince was obviously trying to give a wee bit of a “fuck you,” to the real Razor Ramon, who was in WCW. Ahmed throws Crush over the top rope but he holds on tight. Ahmed then leaps out of the ring, over the top rope, eliminating himself in his desperate chase after Faarooq, who has come to ringside.

Ahmed Johnson has been eliminated by Ahmed Johnson in 3:02.

Why didn’t he slide under the ropes? Dope!

Crush is all alone in the ring, arms on his hips when music hits! Who is it?

A Fourth Challenger Appears: Phineas I. Godwinn.

It’s Phineas with Hillbilly Jim. I haven’t seen this boy in quite some time, since the Survivor Series, in fact, just over two months ago. It’s good to see you back, Mideon. It will be even better when you carve shit on your face and crawl around the floor for a while. So far, there has been one spot in the match and the rest has been badly choreographed brawling. I understand that the men can’t use the whole ring due to the fact that there may be others there, but still.

A Fifth Challenger Appears: Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Ohhhhh, business is about to pick up! I legit popped when I heard the smashing glass. It’s built into me, like when a someone hears a baby cry. Phineas and Crush start to work. Phineas tosses Stone Cold into the corner to a huge pop. Austin does not take kindly to that and when Crush holds Phineas, Austin hits a Bret’s Rope clothesline on him but Phineas ducks and throws Crush over the ropes.

Crush has been eliminated by Phineas I Godwinn in 6:17.

A timer pops up on the bottom of the screen to tell us that number six is coming in shortly. Stone Cold wastes no time in hitting the stunner on Phineas and tossing him out as Bart Gunn’s music hits.

Phineas I Godwinn has been eliminated by Stone Cold Steve Austin in 2:52.

A Sixth Challenger Appears: Bart Gunn.

Bodacious Bart Gun runs to the ring as a dude who looks the spit of a time-travelling Michael Cole cheers him on from the crowd. We have number five and six in the match at the moment, let’s see how long they last.

Austin catches Bart and the pair have dodgy punches, an even dodgier leg drop and Austin tosses Bart out after a botch.

Bart Gunn has been eliminated by Stone Cold Steve Austin in 26 seconds.

Austin falls to the floor and does some push-ups. He sits on the turnbuckle and relaxes for some time, pretends to check his watch and the timer comes up to announce…

A Seventh Challenger Appears: Jack “The Snake” Roberts.

It’s the 1996 King of the Ring finalists! And they’re back! It’s a match eight months in the making!

Jake has a great head of steam and the crowd bay for a DDT but Jake is denying them it, holding Stone Cold in a lovely armbar. The ref sneaks in and takes Damien’s bag as it is just sitting mid-ring.

An Eighty Challenger Appears: The British Bulldog.

Bulldog runs to the ring and slips and slides in. During his entrance, we see on the Titantron behind him that Jack was eliminated! Yeah!

Jake “The Snake” Roberts has been eliminated by Stone Cold Steve Austin in 1:10.

Bulldog attacks Stone Cold, stomps a mudhole in him and walks it dry. Bulldog gets a semi-pop for this and continues to beat on Austin before hitting the running powerslam. He pulls on Austin’s pants as the Rattlesnake crawls for the ropes like a coward. The timer appears and…

A Ninth Challenger Appears: Pierroth.

Oh, it’s one of the AAA stars. Let’s see if the Fed stars give him any time at all in the ring. I hope they do, it will be lovely of them. Pierroth hits Bulldog and gets a gruesome spinebuster for his troubles. Bulldog returns to Austin but Pierroth interferes and hits a lovely snapmare. Austin gets involved and the Fed stars beat on the Mexican for a while. The timer pops up as Austin grips to the bottom rope.

A Tenth Challenger Appears: The Sultan.

Hey, now, it’s Rikishi in a mask with Shieky Baby! This is great. Rikishi used to be one of the members of the Headshrinkers, but it wasn’t until he got the Rikishi gimmick that he rocked the house. It’s a shame that his sons are shit. Sultan hits Pierroth with a lovely bodyslam and the timer appears AGAIN!

An Eleventh Challenger Appears: Mil Máscaras.

Another AAA star, Mil comes out for a wee jog, waving to the crowd and getting involved. Mil batters Sultan and hits a lovely lariat on the big man. Five lads in the ring, it’s the midcard spot at the moment where everyone just hugs each other and waits for the next person… and out he comes.

A Twelfth Challenger Appears: Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

Ode to Joy hits as Triple H slides into the ring, goes straight after Bulldog and pops him with a right hand. Sultan comes over to help eliminate them but Mil grabs trips. Bulldog hits a clothesline and Sultan does his lovely Rikishi bump before falling out of the ring.

The Sultan has been eliminated by The British Bulldog in 3:23.

Bulldog wastes no time in getting back involved and Stone Cold almost eliminates Trips, but he rolls back in. Austin replies with an elbow drop.

A Thirteeth Challenger Appears: Slammy Award Winning Owen Hart.

Fuck yes! And he arrives with his Slammy! What a man! The fucking Blue Blazer is in the match! There are still six men and we’re not even halfway through yet. Austin is about to be tossed out but Owen comes over and throws out Bulldog instead!

The British Bulldog has been eliminated by Slammy Award Winning Owen Hart in 8:04.

Bulldog and Owen argue for a bit as Owen goes to beat on Mil. The timer comes up and another sixth man will join the Rumble.

A Fourteenth Challenger Appears: Goldust.

Goldust! Woop! He runs to the ring like a mad pervert and Austin is on him instantly. Lovely bodyslam in the middle of the ring as Owen/Mil and Trips/Pierroth are to the side, trying to push each other over. Owen almost falls but saves himself. Everyone tries to throw Goldust out. The timer reappears…

A Fifteenth Challenger Appears: Cibernético.

Another AAA man comes in. Cibernético looks a bit like a Lucha married the Predator as he has dreadlock hair and a mask. Seven men in the ring now and it is looking super duper busy. We have three masks, one painted face, one singlet, tights and Stone Cold in pants. Nothing happens until the timer reappears.

A Sixteenth Challenger Appears: Marvellous Wildman Marc Mero.

He appears with Sable, and that’s all right by the crowd but in the middle of it, Cibernético is knocked out!

Cibernético has been eliminated by Mil Máscaras and Pierroth in 1:25.

Shortly afterwards, Mil turns on Pierroth and knocks him out, too!

Pierroth has been eliminated by Mil Máscaras in 10:32.

And then Mil goes to the top rope, jumps out and eliminates himself!

Mil Máscaras has been eliminated by Mil Máscaras in 7:28.

What a goose! Obviously the ring was getting busy and the Mexicans thought, “Let’s get out while the getting’s good!” and all left. Fair play to the boys, actually, they came in together and left together. Mil goes back into the ring and the refs tell him to leave. We have five men in the ring, all of them big names – Stone Cold, Triple H, Goldust, Marc Mero, Owen Hart. Mero slides in and goes for Owen. Goldust knocks Triple H out!

Hunter Hearst Helmsley has been eliminated by Goldust in 6:43.

Not a bad show from our man Trips. Mero and Goldust in one corner, Owen and Austin in another. The timer comes up to tell us someone else is due in as Sable and Marlena look on from outside.

A Seventeenth Challenger Appears: Latin Lover.

Oh poor Latin Lover, who is the final AAA guy to come in and appears when everyone else has left. Poor son of a bitch. He superkicks Owen, which is nice, hits a lovely snapmare on him, sells like a boss for Goldust and Owen is thrown out before skinning the cat. Goldust dodges a Latin Lover dropkick and is eliminated by Owen.

Goldust has been eliminated by Owen Hart in 5:33.

The timer appears as Goldust limps out.

An Eighteenth Challenger Appears: Faarooq Asad.

The NOD music hits and for the third time this PPV, Faarooq appears with some NOD lads. He quickly tosses out Latin Lover.

Latin Lover has been eliminated by Faarooq in 1:47.

And I was there, thinking, wow, Faarooq looks great for a guy who has been running away from Ahmed Johnson for the last half an hour or so, and then out comes Ahmed to a huge pop. Stone Cold rolls out of the ring and Ahmed hits Faarooq with the biggest two-by-four I have ever seen, tossing him over the rope.

Faarooq Asad has been eliminated by Ahmed Johnson in 47 seconds.

Nooooow, this is where the rules begin to get fucky. Earlier, Ahmed jumped over the top rope himself so Faarooq’s interference didn’t cost him the match, his own stupidity did. Here, Ahmed enters the ring, hits Faarooq, who falls out. You could argue that Faarooq was escaping the monster two-by-four but even then, a competitor who had been eliminated was in the ring, interfering with the match. Now what happens here? What are the rules? If the Fed were smart, they would have DQ’d Faarooq as soon as he appeared, or, if they wanted to cause some real heel shit, they could have stopped the match then, restarted it from Faarooq entering, with Stone Cold, Owen and Marc Mero in opposite corners. The match could have restarted, the others could have knocked out Faarooq, big babyface pop and the match could have continued.

Either way, NOD leave and Marc Mero and Owen are eliminated offscreen.

Marc Mero has been eliminated by Stone Cold in 3:53.

Owen Hart has been eliminated by Stone Cold in 8:29.

The timer pops up and once again, Stone Cold is alone in the ring. He calls for the next person.

A Nineteenth Challenger Appears: Savio Vega.

Out comes Flintstones cosplayer Savio and the two men batter lumps out of each other. Savio hits the catapult and a spinning heel kick to the heel Austin. Savio is guillotined and Austin tosses him out.

Savio Vega has been eliminated by Stone Cold in 29 seconds.

Austin is the loneliest man in the ring. He asks for more. More does not arrive instantly.

A Twentieth Challenger Appears: Jesse James.

It’s the Roadie, Jesse James and he jumps in, hits Stone Cold with some lovely right hands, hits the Elvis collars, gets a boot in the gut, is tossed to the apron and knocked off.

Jesse James has been eliminated by Stone Cold in 46 seconds.

Stone Cold for the record fourth time this match, is alone in the middle of the ring. He jaws off to the crowd for a bit, raises his hands and celebrates as only ten men are left. The timer appears and he sits top rope.

A Twenty-First Challenger Appears: Bret Hart.

What a pop! The Hitman walks out and Stone Cold begs for him to enter. Both superstars go at it mid-ring. Bret hits the atomic drop, hits the clothesline, punches Stone Cold in the corner. Austin gets for him to stop, but Bret does not. Bret don’t care. Bret counters an Irish whip and the timer comes up. Who will interrupt this great match?

A Twenty-Second Challenger Appears: Jerry Lawler.

It’s fucking Jerry! He goes in the ring as Stone Cold takes the sharpshooter from Bret. Jerry jumps over the rope, takes two punches and goes back to the announcer’s table.

Jerry Lawler has been eliminated by Bret Hart in 4 seconds.

That’s a short, short, short time. Jerry makes out that he didn’t even remember being in the ring. Great stuff. Bret works over Stone Cold and hits the backbreaker. The timer appears.

A Twenty-Third Challenger Appears: Fake Diesel.

Ohhhh it’s Big Daddy Kane, wearing flared pants and a complete lack of fire. He jogs to the ring, smashes our man Bret on the back of the head and turns to Austin, back to Bret and we are waiting for seven more men as we reach the second midcard point of the night with lots of rest holds, no spots and just running out the clock. Speaking of, there it is!

A Twenty-Fourth Challenger Appears: Terry Funk.

Terry Funk runs out while the clock is still counting down. Eejit. He turns to Austin, jaws off to him, hits him a pair of times and hits the headbutt. The match is split into two pairs, Bret/Diesel and Terry/Austin. They’re all running out the clock and gassed. The timer appears and Terry botches a piledriver.

A Twenty-Fifth Challenger Appears: Rocky Maivia.

Do you smell what the Rock is cooking? No one does. He’s not the Rock yet, he’s still Rocky and he’s battering Kane as Terry gets caught up on the ropes. Terry is almost thrown out as Diesel attacks our boy Rock. Five men in the ring, all of them big names and the timer is here to throw a sixth at us.

A Twenty-Sixth Challenger Appears: Mankind.

Well, business is about to pick up! My legit favourite wrassler rocks to the ring, spinning in circles and looking deranged as fuck. He hammers on Terry and tosses him out, but Terry holds on. Six men in the ring. Austin hits a lovely suplex on Bret and loses a wrist strap. The timer appears as Bret puts on the sleeper that Stone Cold reverses into a stunner.

A Twenty-Seventh Challenger Appears: Flash Funk.

Terry’s evil twin Flash appears! Bret hits the piledriver on Stone Cold! Terry walks in a circle and is hit by Flash! Seven men in the ring, none of them ready to leave! This is a great, great matchup. The timer is here, who is next?

A Twenty-Eighth Challenger Appears: Vader.

The Mastodon! Big Van Vader! Mankind hides his remaining ear. Mankind almost falls out of the ring as Flash hits Vader, the fool. Vader fights back and Austin takes his turn attacking our man V. Eight men: Bret, Rock, Stone Cold, Vader, Flash, Terry, Mankind, Diesel. Who is next? The times appears to tell us.

A Twenty-Ninth Challenger Appears: Henry O. Godwinn.

Oh for fuck’s sake. C’mon, guys, we have Attitude Era Origins in the ring and you bring in Sloppy McComedy-Jobber? Nine men in the ring and it is officially a schmoz with only one man left. There is no structure, they’re just waiting for number thirty so they can do some elimination spots. Hillbilly Jim watches on, happy to get a payday.

The Thirtieth and Final Challenger Appears: The Undertaker.

The lights go out! Ha! It would be so good if the lights went on and there were more people in the ring! Undertaker takes his time getting to the ring and they cut off his music early. He goes in over the top rope, goes for Vader, knocks him down, does the same to Mankind, then Austin, then Vader again. Chokeslam to Austin, chokeslam to Vader, punch to his half-brother Kane-Diesel, he pops Flash Funk’s head into Diesel’s and goes to the Rock, who fights back, bless him. Vader throws Flash Funk out with a lovely fallaway slam.

Flash Funk has been eliminated by Vader in 6:12.

We’re down to nine men now and we need to cut off the chaff so that the wheat can have their big main event spotfest and show the winner. Henry Godwinn is actually hitting Undertaker. Bret hits a lovely Bret’s Rope elbow onto Stone Cold’s head. Sign in the crowd says, “WWF: Wild, Racky Fun!”

Rock is attempting to toss over Bret and the crowd wakes up until Vader comes to Bret’s rescue. Undertaker boots Henry off, but he holds on. What are these men waiting on? They are hanging in the corners, just waiting for the next spot… which isn’t coming any time soon. Undertaker gets Henry Godwin and tosses him off the top rope.

Henry O. Godwinn has been eliminated by The Undertaker in 6:11.

Eight men left and Stone Cold is almost thrown out. Rock is tossed to the corner and Mankind catches him in the Mandible Claw as the rookie attempts a lariat.

Rocky Maivia has been eliminated by Mankind in 13:01.

Seven men remain. Terry Funk and Mankind both go over the top rope but they hold on. Funk attempts to suplex Mankind back into the ring, but Mankind reverses and Funk falls to the floor.

Terry Funk has been eliminated by Mankind in 15:08.

As the camera focusses on Big Daddy Kane punching Bret in the corner, Undertaker boots Mankind off the apron.

Mankind has been eliminated by The Undertaker in 12:20.

Five men left – Kane, Undertaker, Vader, Bret, Stone Cold.

Outside, Mankind and Funk argue with each other. Vader attacks Taker and Austin saves Bret by battering Diesel. Bret grips Austin and tosses him out, but the refs do not see it as Mankind and Funk are distracting them. Austin slides in and eliminates both Taker and Vader in one fell swoop!

Vader has been eliminated by Stone Cold in 10:06.

The Undertaker has been eliminated by Stone Cold in 6:46.

Bret tosses Diesel out!

Fake Diesel has been eliminated by Bret Hart in 17:49.

Stone Cold runs to the ropes and chucks Bret out!

Bret Hart has been eliminated by Stone Cold in 21:42.

Entrant number five, Stone Cold Steve Austin is the winner of the 1997 Royal Rumble in 50:29 after surviving for 45:07.

2017 comments:

Basically a Who’s Who of the Attitude Era, but not a great Rumble overall and there were no spots.

1997 comments:

Who does this Stone Cold boy think he is?

Grade: C

Bret pops back into the ring and argues with the refs as Stone Cold leaves the arena. He goes straight to Vince, shakes him and basically rehearses for the Montreal Screwjob in ten months. It matters not. Stone Cold is going to Wrestlemania 13 to fight the WWF Champion for the WWF Championship. Great stuff, storyline-wise, absolute shite wrestling-wise. JR justifies Austin’s heel move and doesn’t help himself go over as a heel announcer because the crowd love both Austin and Bret.

Big boos from the crowd. Vince introduces the main event: Shawn vs. Sid.

On the Card will return on February 9 2017 with the fourth and final part of Royal Rumble 1997.

Attitude Era #8: Royal Rumble 1997 (Jan 19, 1997) Part 1

In the previous entry, I looked at In Your House 12: It’s Time 1996. It was okay. The next PPV was the 1997 Royal Rumble, which was the tenth of its name.

Over the next few weeks, I will review this PPV from the perspectives of a fan looking back at it after two decades as well as my original thoughts as a teenager watching it at the time (though this particular PPV was one I watched in 1998 as my family did not have the channels necessary to watch wrasslin’).

WWF Royal Rumble 1997

No More Mr. Nice Guy!

The poster shows Shawn Michaels staring deep into the camera, foreshadowing his potential heel turn and eventual rise to evil.

The Big Red WWF title screen goes straight a promo about Shawn Michaels being cocky and flamboyant. It shows his win over Bret Hart, his loss against Sid and now the rematch tonight in San Antonio. Cut to some of the worst CGI ever as Starburst Fruit Twists present The Royal Rumble 1997!

Big pyro in the arena and a disembodied hand picks up a hat offscreen. Vince tears his throat out welcoming us there and what a welcome it is. Vinnie O’Mac, Jumpin’ Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler are in the Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas. 60,477 in attendance with 244,000 PPV buys at home.

Jim Ross tells us that there are no words to show how they feel. Jerry tells us that Shawn and Sid must put up or shut up.  Our Spanish Colleagues are Hugo Savinovich, Carlos Cabrera and Arturo Rivera, who shout over Vince’s introduction and dance. We have the French Announcers, Ray Rougeau and Jacques Rougeau Sr who do the same.

(Note: Before the PPV began, there was a 30-minute show called Free-For-All, which was the nineties equivalent of the Preshow, full of promos and summaries of recent TV matches. There was a number of exclusive matches on Free-For-All which saw Mascarita Sagrada Jr. and La Parkita defeating Mini Mankind and Mini Vader in a small person’s wrestling match. Before that, we had two dark matches: Perro Aguayo Jr and Venum defeating Maniaco and Mosco de la Merced; Octagón, Blue Demon Jr. and Tinieblas Jr. defeating Heavy Metal, Abismo Negro and Histeria. The reason that those names are Spanish and you’ve probably never heard of most of them is because it was a deal made with AAA to include their wrestlers in the Royal Rumble, which is why Mil Máscaras, Perroth and Cibernético appear in the Royal Rumble match.)

Down comes my boy Goldust, the challenger for the Intercontinental Championship. Goldust looks fantastic as usual and I have missed him over these last weeks. Vince tells us that Goldust has become a fan favourite all over the world and with good reason because he’s fucking brilliant.

Cut to the Intercuntinental champion, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, who believes that all women love him. Goldust, on the other hand, is a bit mental. Jerry called Goldust a censored word and Goldust denied that fact.

Straight-up Shoot Fact: On the December 16th 1996 RAW, Goldie interrupted a scrap between Triple H and Jerry where the pair of them beat on Wildman Marc Mero. He fought Trips, saved Mero and returned to the ring to speak to Jerry, where The King asked him, “Are you? You are… you know…” and skirted around the issues. Vince tried to cut the feed before Jerry doubles down, calling Goldust a freak before finally asking if he was, “queer”. Goldust says, “nooooooo,” and punches Jerry out. Twenty years have passed since that fateful night when being gay was derogatory and worthy of heeldom. Le sigh.)

Trips tried to steal Marlena and he fought back. The announcer asks if they’re all just playing miiiiiiiiind games or not.

Ode To Joy plays and out comes Teeeeeeriple H and Mr. Hughes. Goldust wastes no time in getting to Trips and running down the ramp to find him.

Intercontinental Championship match: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (c) (w/ Mr. Hughes) def Goldust (w/ Marlena) via pin in 16:50.

In the ring, Goldust is in control. Someone in the crowd has a “FLAIR GOD” sign as the announcers consider whether or not Curtis Hughes has a butling license to allow him to butle for Trips. HHH is thrown out of the ring and the pair waste a wee bit of time there. Lovely atmoic drop by Trips on Goldust. Trips goes for the Pedigree but Goldust reverses and catapults Trips out of the ring. Goldust removes the steel ring steps, drops it on Trips and is DQ…

Wait, no, Earl Hebner doesn’t DQ Goldust for some unknown reason. Trips Flair flops onto the steel steps to a big cheer from the crowd. Trips guillotines Goldust and the pair brawl in the ring leading to a pin attempt. Goldust roars and Trips hides behind Earl, getting in a cheap shot. Lovely look at Marlena and the crowd go bananas for her. Trips hits a double axe handle nothing off the top rope to outside as Hughes jaws off to Earl. Trips throws Goldust into the ring post and is about to toss him into the crowd but Goldust dodges. Once again, however, he uses the steel steps as a weapon. Why, Goldust, why?

Goldust beats on the knee of Triple H and loses his power as Goldust takes over, forcing the two men to have a little lie down. The crowd begin to die. Another shot of Marlena and the crowd come alive once more. This is the beginning of the Attitude Era: where the wrestling is crap and only the boobs matter. Goldust hits the figure four leglock, with Earl dropping for a couple of quick pin attempts. Goldust pulls on the ropes and Earl doesn’t break the submission instantly! Whaaaat.

Goldust followed Trips outside and knocks him down. Goldust batters Hunter’s head off the apron and feels himself up in ring. Once again, for the third time, Goldust uses the steel steps as a way to hurt Trips. JR really slags off Earl, saying that he has a bad attitude and that he is due to be down for the Championship match later in the evening and that if his attitude says the same, it will work in Sid’s favour. Goldust runs the ropes and attempts a crossbody, which Trips dodges, launching Goldust outside. Trips throws Goldie into the guardrail and JR gives off about breaking of the rules. I wonder if that is kayfabe or not. Trips does a lovely wee courtesy and gets boos. Outside the ring, both men have a wee sit. Trips takes Marlena’s golden chair and finally Earl Hebner decides to be a referee and stops it.

Cut to Todd Pettengill in the crowd with Collin Raye, an apparent country and western singer. I tell you what, Todd is rocking that goatee, hey. Fair play til ye. Todd makes Collin sing and then cuts him off. In the ring, nothing of note happens except that Trips hurts his knee. Lovely jumping clothesline from Goldust and the new face hammers the canvas in a Sable-embarrassingly good time. Lovely back body drop and he goes high on the ropes. Trips pushes Earl into the ropes and Goldust falls on his balls. Trips goes for the superplex but fails. Goldust goes for the big elbow and fails. Hughes sends Trips the Intercontinental belt and the heel takes time to snog Marlena, allowing Goldust to fight him off, steal the belt and wallop Trips in the face. The champ is down! Pin him! It’s a one, two… and Mr. Hughes drags Trips out. As Goldust is arguing, Trips sneaks around, hits a lovely clothesline, the Pedigree and the win in a very slow count in 16:50.

2017 comments:

An actually good curtain jerker, but it might be because of Goldust more than anything else.

1997 comments:

Oh Marlena, you’re to blame for this, somehow.

Grade: A

I love Goldust and I like Trips at this time when he had something to prove and tried his hardest.

Cut to Bret, who cuts a promo on how he’s always been a marked man and how he is at the bottom of the barrel and can’t go back farther. Nice.

Cut to Mankind, rocking back and forth in his Boiler Room, rambling incoherently.

Back in the arena and the motherfucking Nation of Domination come out. Wolfie D and JC Ice rap on the way to the ring. Old Immigration Clarence Mason arrive along with Crush and D’Lo Brown and every other black man that the Fed could find. Jacqueline is there, too! Isn’t that great? And, of course, the main man is Faarooq. They all throw up the fists and one of the guys in the front misses his cue. Silly NOD.

Promo for this black on black feud. Ahmed Johnson stumbles his way through words that no one understands as we see him win the New Sensation award at the 1996 Slammy Awards, he is the first ever Kuwait National Champion, Intercontinental Champion and had a legitimate kidney injury. Faarooq replied to Ahmed by forming the NOD, dropping Sunny, who was his manager when he was wearing that dumb gladiator outfit. Vader was involved as well because all heels hate together.

Out comes the Pearl River Plunge himself, over three hundred pounds of steroid-fuelled insanity. He sprints to the ring and tackles Faarooq, starting the match.

Ahmed Johnson def Faarooq (w/ the Nation of Domination) via DQ in 8:48.

Ahmed has a full head of steam on him as he batters into Faarooq mercilessly, throwing Faarooq from one corner to another. This is your basic babyface beatdown where the heel has no offence for the first few minutes. Faarooq tries to leave (because he is a coward, you see) and fails as Ahmed catches up with him. JR calls the NOD a “pack of dogs,” as Ahmed rips off Faarooq’s trousers. Faarooq has a belt and attempts to use it but it is taken from him. Ahmed hits the flying shoulder block and… Ahmed, who is a face, gets a belt and whips at Faarooq. What the fuck, rules? Is this the Royal Rumble or the… Rule… Rumble?

I tried.

Ahmed throws Faarooq into the old steel ring steps and gets covered in Goldust. There’s a mixup as one of the NOD gets pushed into Ahmed, sacrificed so that Faarooq may win. Faarooq sets up the steel chair and drops Ahmed on it. Faarooq then hits Ahmed with a chair.

Fuck sake, boys. Are there any rules at all in this fucking match? Christ of almighty.

Ahmed has a lie down for a while as Faarooq speaks to the crowd. Faarooq puts Ahmed on the turnbuckle and listens to the ref’s rules regarding holds on the ropes, jaws off to fat white men in the crowd and there is a lack of action as Faarooq wonders how to damage Ahemd more. He hits the camel clutch, breaks back, makes humble. He hits the arse-sit on Ahmed’s back and returns to camel clutching, breaking back, making humble. Ahmed lifts Faarooq up in the electric chair drop, falls back and Faarooq is the first one up, jumping off the top rope to be caught by Ahmed in a great powerslam. Faarooq catches Ahmed in mid-air and hits the spinebuster. Faarooq tells the crowd, as he has during this match, that he is baddest man. Ahmed is up, hits the spinebuster, Crush pops in and despite none of the Nod hitting any sort of offence, the bell is rung and a DQ is called in 8:48.

2017 comments:

Awful.

1997 comments:

Is this racism? I wouldn’t know. We don’t have white people in Ireland.

Grade: D

Ahmed is attempting to leave but moves after an NOD member who attacks him, battering him against the steel steps, moving them to the French announcer’s table, lifts the poor guy up for the Pearl River Plunge, botches it and the son of a bitch has to flip mid-air to land relatively safely. Ahmed doesn’t bother to remove the monitors before throwing him through. A replacement table is on its way. The poor NOD member seems to have his head hit by a monitor. God damn.

On the Card will return on January 26 2017 with the second part of Royal Rumble 1997.

Attitude Era #2. In Your House 9: International Incident (July 21, 1996) Part 4

Previously on On the Card: Goldust was there, so it was okay.

But back to the ring, Vince is talking about the main event: six-man tag between Camp Cornette and the People’s Posse. JR reminds us how this filler match came about with a shot of King of the Ring ’96 and the match ending between Shawn Michaels and the British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith. It’s the same promo as earlier, chronicling even Warrior’s suspension. Brock Samson appears and yadda yadda yadda. This is just time wasting while they replace the ring mat.

Straight-up Shoot Fact: Sid Vicious is one of the wrestlers responsible for the hatred against Hulk Hogan in the early nineties. Hogan had been running a Super-Cena style All-American character for years, always as a face. Being a huge box-office draw despite his limited moveset, it was only a matter of time before older fans rebelled. Similar to the “let’s go Cena/Cena sucks!” chants that we hear during RAW and other PPVs these days, the crowd booed Hogan and cheered Sid during the 1992 Royal Rumble. Despite the great crowd reaction, WWF retroactively made Sid a heel. It was the dislike of the Hogan gimmick and love of Sid’s mental charisma that did this.

Another shot of Sid appearing in his car, totally mental and smashing up the place. Dok Hendrix is chatting to the People’s Posse. Shawn is there, dressed like a damn idiot, like some sort of Village People reject. Ahmed Johnson is there with his shirt that says his name. Sid is in the background, towering over the other men. Shawn calls the People’s Posse a gang. Bit racist. Ahmed Johnson gibbers some indecipherable nonsense and then Sid legit says, “What he’s trying to say is-” and just goes on a rant of his own. Shawn gives an equally nonsense promo and when he mentions Sweet Chin Music, Sid looks around as if expecting a boot to be coming from nowhere. Shawn’s Sexy Boy music hits and the crowd go bananas.

All the kids run to the side as Shawn heads out. He walks straight down the centre and everyone is stretching their hands out to touch him. You know something is going to happen and it does. About twenty feet down the aisle, the right-hand side of the barrier just crumples and fans spill onto the ground. Shawn looks terrified and helps some people up before security usher him forward. Kids go to hug the champ and her spins into the ring for his pyro. Still cannot get over how amazingly over this cunt is. And he’s fucked on pills. You’re cheering a man who can’t tell you his own name!

Ahmed’s music hits and the Intercontinental champ comes down. Why they fire down the WWF Champion first is beyond me. Let the crowd wait. JR says, “This is the most emotions we’ve seen from Ahmed Johnson,” which is a nice way to say he’s wooden. Sid comes out to his Psycho music. Begin at least six and a half feet, the man is intimidating and had clearly had a wee bit of the nose candy before coming out. He Brock Lesnar jumps onto the apron and the three People’s Posse hug each other.

Vader’s music hits and the whole of Camp Cornette come out – Bulldog, Owen and Vader. It’s quite nice to have only two men with superhero names in the ring, though even Bulldog is known as Davey Boy Smith. Slammy Award Winning Owen Hart is probably the smallest man in the ring and he’s a God damn Hart!

Camp Cornette (Vader, Owen Hart, The British Bulldog) w/ Jim Cornette def. The People’s Posse (Shawn Michaels, Sycho Sid, Ahmed Johnson) w/ José Lothario via pinfall in 24:32.

Jerry says that Camp Cornette is, “A well-oiled machine, with one goal in mind,” but refuses to say what the goal is. Could be anything, really. Could be beating People’s Posse, could be world peace, could be a second Holocaust. The men are heels, they’re capable of anything. Big Van Vader starts and points at Shawn, who is by the sidelines. Ahmed, the legal man, obliges and tags in the Heartbreak Kid, who bounces in to lock up with the Mastodon.

Editorial Spot: I have mentioned before that I do not like tag team matches and I will elaborate here: when a fan, a wrasslin’ mark if you will, looks at this card and sees six-man tag with the WWF champ, the Intercontinental champ, plus fan-favourites, they go ballistic. “Look at all these wrasslers!” they may claim before going and booking the match in their mind. This is good. This is what you want. As a wrasslin’ promoter, you want fans to look at your card and love it so much they can’t keep still. However, tag matches of any size do not equal that. Tag matches are very complex matches that involve a great deal of psychology, pantomime and storytelling.

Take one of the best tag teams in the world at the minute: American Alpha in NXT. Their form of psychology is basic but effective. Chad Gable goes into the ring, gets beaten up and calls for the hot tag on Jason Jordan at the end for him to wipe up, throwing spears about, tacking guys and finally hitting the double team finisher. It is simple but effective. By contrast, the Usos do the exact same thing in the Fed, but they have done it since time immemorial. It is boring now. We do not care about Uso-crazy or whatever nonsense they’re cooking up because they do the same stuff. They’re the drizzling shits.

In a match like this, you have a very talented tag-team wrestler in Bulldog. You have a talented mat-based wrestler in Owen. You have the most popular superstar in the Fed at the time in Shawn. The others are not good enough to keep up with that. Don’t get me wrong, Leon White AKA Vader is a lovely man, very well spoken and has a keen understanding of wrestling psychology but he is not used to tag matches. Sycho Sid and Ahmed are just tanks, they’re good for hitting things but there is nowhere near the same amount of skill.

I’m not trying to fantasy book this match, but if we were wanting to get some Vader/Sid match over, we’d need to book it right. Imagine if Owen started vs Sid. Sid knocks him flat within seconds and Owen scrambles back to his corner. Bulldog comes in and the pair size each other up. Bulldog is a bit faster and catches Sid in some suplex. He can’t move Sid. He does it a few more times and still Sid doesn’t move, stays standing. Let’s then say that Sid knocks Bulldog to the ground and Bulldog looks shocked, wide-eyed and amazed. He tags in Vader. Crowd goes mental as the two big men square up to each other. They trade blows, move for move, no man taking over for more than a few seconds. They’re running the ropes, big boots, the lot. A scramble to the outside. Both men attempt finishers and their opponents somehow escape. There is a move done and both men are out. The ref starts a ten count, the crowd are on their feet and just as he reaches nine, both men hot tag in their best teammates – Shawn and Bulldog, who just had a killer match last PPV.

Tag team matches are essentially tiny little wrestling matches linked together. They need to have their own distinct storyline and that storyline can be split, paused and continued later. That is the essence of a good tag match. Let’s see if we see it here in the ring tonight.

Vader is shouting, opening his arms for a hug, playing with Michaels. Michaels is legit scared because Leon is snug as a bug. In fact, Michaels didn’t like to wrassle Vader for that reason and it’s a damn shame. Vader picks Michaels up and the pair run the ropes for a while. Vader goes for the powerbomb (which is not, for some reason, the Vader Bomb, which is a slingshot splash from the corner) and Michaels reverses it into a Hurricanrana. Running the ropes and both men to the outside. Michaels does a baseball slide followed by a suicide dive off the top rope. Another jump from the apron but Vader moves. The wily bastard. Replay shows Michaels hit Vader a little high on the body, cracking his upper chest. I wouldn’t be surprised if Vader’s lower back is in pain now.

Vader goes for the backdrop. Michaels reverses and tags in Sid, who goes mental and cleans house. In comes Owen and Bulldog, both knocked down. People’s Posse celebrate in ring. All you’ve done is push people over. Owen comes in and Sid tags Ahmed who hits Owen with a series of great suplexes. Owen rolls out of the way of an elbow drop and tags in Bulldog. Bulldog goes to town on Ahmed who retaliates with a great spinebuster followed by the Pearl River Plunge for a two count.

Vader is in and beating on Ahmed while Shawn ignores the action and waves to the crowd. Ahmed and Vader hang on the corners for a while, both probably gassed. Vader goes to cross-body Ahmed and the big man catches him mid-air. Owen tags in and shows off that good old Hart charm and skill. The man should be fighting someone of his technical calibre, like his mental brother. Ahmed gorilla presses Owen and Sid is in again. With Owen probably being the smallest person in the match, it seems unfair that these two behemoths are going over on him. He agrees and tags in Bulldog.

Bulldog vs Sid is interesting because not only is Bulldog capable of making any match amazing, but he is legit strong as fuck, shown by how he effortlessly holds Sid up for a huge suplex, easily a few seconds. Vader sneaks in for the elbow drop and Bulldog goes for a near-fall. Vader enters legally and we have the two biggest men in the match against each other. Doesn’t last long though before Bulldog is back in. Brock Samson takes a few punches, but it only makes him angrier! He tags in Michaels and the crowd go ballistic. Michaels hits a double axe handle nothing and Bulldog sells it like getting hit by a truck. Pin and near fall.

Michaels works Bulldog in the corner and takes a hit from the ring post. Bulldog lifts him up and the champ Irish whips him into Vader who is standing on the apron. Michaels goes for the pin and notices Owen about to dive in to break it up. He moves out of the way and Hart elbow drops his own brother-in-law! The fool! Owen gets thrown out and when he’s on the apron, Bulldog tags him back in. Owen, still dazed from the throw, is pulled into the ring by Michaels. We have a bunch of roll-ups. So many that the ref fails to notice a legit pin and Owen is holding Shawn for longer than necessary. More pins and some great combos. The two men go for the bridge. Close falls and Cornette goes ballistic.

Bulldog is in and hammering Shawn left and right. Great powerslam followed by a leg drop. Running of the ropes and Vader is tagged in as Shawn goes out. Cornette is arguing with the ref, giving Vader enough time to lift Michaels up by the hair and wail on him in the corner. Irish whip to the corner and Shawn wraps himself around the ring post. Vader picks on Sid and the comically tiny referee tries to restrain him. Vader gets another two-count over Michaels. Rest hold city as Vince says, “Michaels cannot continue at this pace.” At this point, there is no pace, just hugs. Something is going on in the crowd and the camera refuses to look. Is it a run-in? Is Mankind getting revenge on Vader for his missing ear? Is Goldust coming to kiss Ahmed again? Has Jake the Snake had enough of Jerry’s jibes?

No, it’s a member of the crowd on the hard cam who tries to climb over the ring ropes. Bulldog and Ahmed run to beat him good-looking and he retreats. Bulldog actually walks the whole way over, probably to give the guy a message with his fists and feet. Knowing Bulldog, he’ll lift him up and hold him there for an impressive amount of time. Vader and Michaels are still hugging. JR sells the hug as strain on Michaels’ neck. The ref (who I keep thinking is Earl Hebner) is slapping the two men heartily in some devil Morse code. He tells off José Lothario. It’s the ref’s match now, circling the couple in the ring. Michaels fights back and is downed by Vader who goes for the belly flop, only to be knocked on his arse by Ahmed. Both men go for the hot tag but Vader gets to Bulldog first. By this point, Michaels has been in the match for some time.

Bulldog goes for what  looks to be a botched crucifix powerbomb. Michaels escapes, goes for the wraparound and Bulldog reverse it into a sidewalk slam. Owen pops in and the tempo rises before both men are down. Jim Cornette batters on the ring, once again keeping better time than that damned Sable.

Bulldog hits Michaels with a beautiful powerslam and Sid breaks up the pin by running the ropes and hitting Bulldog with a leg drop. Ahmed keeps perfect time on the ring apron by battering with his feet. Bulldog tags in Vader, who hangs in his corner as Michaels builds up for the hot tag and slaps in Ahmed. Ahmed wails on Vader but – the ref stops him!  He didn’t see the tag! In the corner, Camp Cornette beats on Shawn and… Bulldog makes the pin? But the ref didn’t see Bulldog tag in – because he didn’t! Inconsistent refereeing! Near for and Owen goes to dropkick Shawn but Micheals rolls out of the way and Owen kicks Bulldog. Hot tag and Michaels finally tags in Sid.

Sid chokeslams Vader. Sid chokeslams Owen. Sid chokeslams Bulldog. Ahmed comes in and they body double clothesline Vader. Sid launches Michaels off the turnbuckle onto Vader but the pin is broken up by Bulldog. Shawn looks at Sid. It is a longing look, filled with regret. Cornette throws the racket into the ring for Vader but Shawn takes it from him and beats him over the head with it. Heel move from the faces. Shawn goes for Sweet Chin Music but Cornette grabs his foot. Vader knocks him down and get the Vader Bomb and the pin in 24:32.

2016 comments:

It goes without saying that this is the best match of the night. It had crescendo booking, yes (when there’s nothing special for the whole match and then everyone hits their finishers at once) and Shawn was dead centre as always despite not being the biggest wrestler, strongest wrester or even most talented wrestler in the ring! That’s right, I said it. Some lovely hot tags in there and I felt excited by parts of it. Sid was the one who stunk it up, funnily enough, mostly out of his odd timing. The ending was fudged a bit as, once again, face Michaels used weapons against the heels. I’m not saying wrestling should be cut and dry, black and white, but come on, a little consistency regards the rules would be nice.

1996 comments:

Fucking Bulldog won, the heap of shite. Him and his fucking fat ear-destroying, canuck team.

Grade: A

As the referee rings for the bell, Camp Cornette cheer in the middle of the ring and Sid comes in to have a quick word with them all, powerbombing Bulldog and Owen. Sid’s powerbomb does not have a name, although it should be called, like, the Sidbomb or something. The Mood Drop? Something about the fact that the man is mental. Sid goes to powerbomb Vader but he escapes. Michaels suicide dives on to old ear-stealing Leon and the People’s Posse stand together mid-ring. Replays of the end of the match showing José Lothario giving Jim Cornette a wee bop in the face. Great catch by Vader at the end of the match. Michael’s music hits and he smacks of cunt Michaels right about now. The ending felt how Hogan would go over at the end of his matches.

Coliseum Exclusive Video of Jim Cornette bigging up the winners for a second before we get a quick recap of the night’s big matches, big bumps and most exciting angles, each one setting up for a much bigger match at SummerSlam 1996.

The Go Home Stats.

Man of the Matches: I don’t care what anyone else says, the only possible man in any of the matches has to be Goldust. The dedication to which he gives every promo, every line, every single second of his existence is so impressive. Comedy spots, whilst silly, do have a point. This is entertainment at the end of the day and good matches do not have to be The Godfather. Sometimes they can be Old School.

Woman of the Matches: We have the same set as last time: Marlena, Sable, Sunny, Diana Hart. Unlike last time, Sunny was crap. Sable is always crap. Marlena did not do a damn thing other than creep around with Goldust and Diana just smiled. I’m going to go for Marlena because I feel like I have to pick one, but this is during a time when women were not widely respected in wrasslin’.

Montel Vontavious Porter Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence: Goooooldust.

Best Spot: The entire first minute of the Goldust vs. Undertaker match, up to and including Undertaker’s powerful uppercut.

Hatches: Bastard Justin Bradshaw, Savio Vega, Sycho Sid and Owen Hart on in-ring action and Jerry “The King” Lawler on commentary.

Matches: No titles were on the line.

Dispatches: Although this is not a proper dispatch, it is worth noting that Ahmed Johnson was diagnosed with legit kidney problems and required surgery just before the next PPV, SummerSlam and was out of action for a while.

Closing Statements: The entire PPV, although not great, and certainly not hard-hitting, high-flying, heart-stopping or piledriving, was fun and quirky in its own way. You can see how the Fed was trying to get people to tune in by offering them fun little spots as opposed to storylines. It is akin to graphics and gameplay in video games: most people can ignore bad graphics for great gameplay and vice versa. Great games have both, good games have one and bad games have neither. Wrestling matches require something to be on the line and the match to be full of fun spots. Bad matches have neither and are time fillers. Good matches have one and are either spotfests or storyline matches. Great matches have both and can be match of the year. This PPV had a mixture of good matches, but in actuality, nothing was on the line in any of them and I didn’t feel that I was seeing anything unmissable, being honest. The next PPV is SummerSlam, one of the Big Four along with Survivor Series, Royal Rumble and WrestleMania. I genuinely cannot wait for that.

On the Card will return on August 18 with SummerSlam 1996.

Attitude Era #1. King of the Ring (June 23, 1996) Part 3

Previously on On the Card: We got a gosh-darned Gunns match and the shitshow that was Warrior vs. King.

Dok Hendrix interviews Gorilla Monsoon. Jake Roberts is in a great deal of pain over his damaged ribs caused by Vader earlier in the night. Gorilla says he’s going to let Roberts fight despite his fears of internal damage because Roberts is 41 years old, which is a stupid reason. Vince asks Owen if he were Roberts, what would he do in this position. Owen, once again, increases Jake Robert’s age to “80 years old or 90 years old or whatever he is”. Roberts is really being set up to be the underdog here against Stone Cold.

Mankind def. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer via TKO in 18:21

Bit of a promo to an older PPV – In Your House 8: Beware of Dog. There was a casket match between Taker and Goldust, where Mankind emerged from the coffin just as Taker was about to throw his opponent in. Later, in a RAW two weeks previous, Mankind stopped Taker from entering the ring by grabbing his ankles. Vince and JR really put Mankind over as a psychopath with JR describing his lack of ear, scarred arms and limping walk. The music and lighting really help here. Even knowing as much about Mick Foley as I do, I still watched this with a certain degree of apprehension. He really did seem like an unhinged mentalist with a fixation on Mean Mark Callous.

The Undertaker’s ominous music hits and the crowd go mental. JR screams, “This is gonna be a slobberknocker! Two 300 plug pounders with total disdain for each other. This is gonna get physical.” Because Taker is so supernatural and Mankind is so insane, the two work together, like some strange form of performance art. Their gimmicks are perfect at this moment in time.

You can’t hear Howard Finkel at all and I didn’t even realise he was the ring announcer until the announcers shut the hell up and let us listen. Paul Bearer is there on his way to the ring with the urn, looking for Taker. Where is he? Bearer actually looks scared. Camera flashes illuminate the ring  – remember them? – as Bearer walks up the steps and the lights come on. By God! The Undertaker is on the turnbuckle! Big jump and the Deadman lays into Mankind. The pair of them trade blows and throw each other about the ring. Mankind tries to escape over the turnbuckle and Taker throws him to the outside. Mankind tries to run off, reconsiders, heads back only to see Paul Bearer and makes a move for him. Taker tries to remove the madman’s mask. JR once again asks questions about Mankind’s history, wondering where he gets his scars from.

Taker hits Old School and Mankind gains the upper hand with a bodyslam. Taker sits up straight and Mankind, in great style, instantly knocks him down. Any other wrestler would be incredulous, look around with a dumb look on their face. Mankind just goes back for him. He does not have time for this supernatural shit.

Mankind takes over for a while with some dirty shots to the Undertaker’s throat, throwing the Deadman out of the ring and dropping a pathetic elbow from the apron. Owen talks about Mankind’s sadism. JR does not have a good feeling about the match. The announce team are doing a damn good job of making this seem ominous, like something horrible is going to happen and no one has any control over it. Mankind throws Taker into the steel steps, reaches under the ring for some chairs and runs at the Deadman, getting a boot to the face for his troubles. Taker throws the mentalist into the apron and gives Mankind an awful flip onto the concrete and chair. It’s bumps like that that leave Mick Foley unable to walk normally in a few years. Taker goes for the Tombstone Piledriver, Mankind reverses and hits him with a neckbreaker.

Both guys have a wee lie down, and a well-deserved one at that. Mankind is up first and hits the Deadman with a leg drop. Nice shot of some guy in the crowd wearing a Taker hat. Mankind goes for the Mandible Claw and Taker reverses, getting a boot to the face for his troubles. Another leg drop and Taker does his supernatural sit up. Rest hold city. Undertaker reaches out for the urn held by Paul Bearer. Still a rest hold. For. Ages. Then, Taker just starts thrashing onto Mankind. Sick bump over the top rope and the pair of them start wailing on each other for a bit. Taker gets knocked against the steel steps and Mankind jogs around the ring, laying a brutal knee into the Deadman’s head followed by a very soft body slam. Mankind goes for another apron elbow drop and Taker retaliates with a steel chair. Another steel chair to the face and there’s no DQ. I can’t remember if it’s mentioned that it’s a no DQ match and the announcers don’t say if the ref was distracted. It changes the dynamic somewhat because it’s a heel move but Taker is clearly the face tonight.

Taker hits a high jumping clothesline followed by Irish whipping Mankind into the ropes. Reversal by Mankind into a vicious piledriver and a near fall. Mankind starts into a frenzy, runs into the turnbuckle and legit pulls his hair out. Jim Ross lines: “He’s pullin’ his hair out. He ain’t right… He’s as goofy as a pet coon, I’ll tell ya.” Mankind grabs the urn from Paul Bearer, goes to smash in Taker’s head before his manager steals it back. Taker sits up and Mankind fires in the Mandible Claw. Reversal into a chokeslam and Bearer swings the urn at Mankind, missing and cracking Taker. Mankind locks in the Mandible Claw and the match is ended as Taker is passed out from the Claw at 18:21.

2016 comments:

This would be a perfect match if you cut out the rest holds. Almost twenty minutes of wrasslin’ and a good quarter of that was both men having a wee hug. Unacceptable. That being said, I love Mick Foley, Taker is on fine form and P-Bizzle is a great manager so the match should be better than the sum of its parts. Some sick bumps that look gruesome but unimpressive just go to show why Mick can hardly walk these days. He could only keep this workrate up for a short while before something had to give, it’s just a shame that that “something” was “his entire body, all at once.”

1996 comments:

Mick Foley was in the match. A++, contender for Match of the Year on that basis alone.

A

Owen Hart rags on Dok Hendrix for a while. It’s gold. Speaking of…

WWF Intercontinental Championship match: Ahmed Johnson def. Goldust (c) w/ Marlena via pinfall in 15:34

Goldust is brilliant. He is my boy. Goldust AKA Dustin Runnels is amazing. Not only is his daddy Dusty Rhodes, one of the best lads, his brother Stardust AKA Cody Rhodes is fantastic and Goldust’s own gimmick is great. He gives himself 100% into the role of the genderfluid Hollywood critic. As he comes to the ring with Marlena AKA Terri Runnels, his legit wife at the time, we cut to last month on RAW when Ahmed Johnson was hurt and Goldie just went over and gave him the kiss of life. Johnson, either homophobic or sexually harassed, however you want to play him heel or face, destroys the place and doesn’t even thank Goldust for saving his life. What an ungrateful prick.

Marlena has a cigar and is holding it in a phallic manner. Because it’s almost the Attitude Era, after all. We are about twenty minutes away from it at this point, actually. Cut to the gate where Ahmed Johnson just bursts out of, sending the jesters flying. Johnson dives in, all greased up and ready to go. He starts swinging digs left and right and hits Goldust with a brutal clothesline that turns him inside out. Goldust rolls outside and Ahmed hits a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Ahmed throws Dusty into the corner and damn near kills him. Marlena has a nice wee seat to watch the match. She has lovely breasts, but then they all have lovely breasts.

Ahmed lifts the steel steps up and damn near legit murders his opponent. He’s covered in gold dust – it sprinkled from the sky during Goldust’s entrance and sticks to every surface. It is like some nature program about tracking animals. They say Goldust comes everywhere the dust falls. Goldie cracks Ahmed with the steel stairs and wails on him in the ring. His full body suit is open, showing his bare chest. Chin lock city for what seems like hours. Ahmed escapes and throws Goldust into the turnbuckle, who escapes and beats on Ahmed’s kidney. Goldust pats his opponents bottom.

It’s annoying that when Ahmed is in control, the speed is so quick and then the pace slows as Goldust takes over. It is certainly not an issue with the wrestlers – Goldust is a vastly superior wrestler to Goldust. Chinlock city followed by my legit favourite spot – the ref lifts and drops Ahmed’s hand three times to see if he has been knocked out. First two are drops and the third… he holds on! He’s up to a vertical base! Pin attempt, Goldust batters his opponent’s head. Pin attempt again, Ahmed is still in the match and bare-chested Goldie is frustrated. Ahmed is all hyped up on homophobia, Goldust, you have to try harder than that. JR: “Goldust, like a rabid dog here, exploding on Ahmed Johnson.”

Goldust hits a brutal piledriver, crawls over to his opponent and starts to feel him up, crawling up him for the pin attempt. Two count and Goldust cracks Ahmed a pair of times before getting him in some type of Camel Clutch (to presumably fuck his ass and make him humble). Ahmed’s up and he beats Goldust into the corner with some dodgy punches. Irish whip to turnbuckle reversed and Ahmed is once again on the mat. Goldust takes some time to feel his opponent up again and is cautioned strongly by the ref. Two punch reversals and Ahmed Irish whips Goldie, goes for the missile drop kick, misses and another pin attempt. The two men are gassed by this stage and in need of a lie down. Goldie gets Ahmed in a sleeper and the two men spoon. Ref asks Ahmed if he would like a wee cup of lemonade.

Another shot at my favourite spot but Goldust lets go after two hand drops. He parades about the ring sexually and licks his finger before going for another kiss of life to his opponent. Ahmed’s hatred of sexual assault is greater than his love of oxygen, it seems. He rallies, hits the double underhook powerbomb (the Pearl River Plunge, apparently) to a sitout pin and wins the IC title by pinfall in 15:34.

Owen claims that the only reason Ahmed won was because Goldust saved his life. Fantastic heel work.

Straight-up shoot fact: Ahmed Johnson was the first African-American to win a singles championship in the Fed. It is disgusting that it is 11 years after the first WrestleMania and only now are we getting a champ who isn’t Caucasian. Even at the time of writing (and after they do a big hubbub into Black History Month each February to prove they are diverse) The Rock is the only World Champion who would be considered black. Trrrrriple H also counts Booker T as a champion, though he won the World Heavyweight Championship, which is now retired.

2016 comments:

Ahmed is a great, threatening, powerful looking figure in this match. Any time he has offense, it looks like he is set to legit kill Goldust. It’s a shame that he gets gassed so quickly and the rest of the match relies on rest holds and timewasting. Goldust could probably hold the match on his own but as it was Ahmed’s chance to go over, he could not. I enjoyed it, but probably only because I love Goldust so much.

1996 comments:

Aww, it’s that creepy pervert and some guy who I’ve never seen wrestle but he’s in some of the video games I have. Turn that shit off.

B-

Brian Pillman gets up to no good, shouting at cameramen and fans. He uses crutches, which received after being in a car crash and damaging one of his ankles. He calls the crowd, “a sewer of human waste,” which is nonsense because everyone knows sewers are filled with mutant turtles and their rat sensei. Pillman then makes a Jeffrey Dahmer joke while making crazy eyes at the camera. Pillman calls JR a “stupid son of a bitch”, which causes Vince to say, “We apologise”. Pillman reacts to the cameraman stepping back and smiles. Vince keeps trying to talk but Brian talks over him, smiling and laughing at the camera.

Straight-up shoot fact: Brian Pillman had a stepdaughter that became a valet under the name of “Sexy” Lexi Pillman. Tragically, she died in an automobile accident in 2009.

The scene cuts to the gate, smoke and stage hands emerging as…

On the Card will return on July 14th with the fourth and final part of King of the Ring 1996.