Attitude Era #14. In Your House 16: Canadian Stampede (July 6, 1997) Part 3

Previously on On the Card: Taka Michinoku was… EEEEVIL.

Backstage, Dok Hendrix is speaking to our man Paulie Bearer, accusing him of stooping too low as Bearer accused Taker of murdering his family. Vader is standing in front of the camera the whole time. Paul Bearer screeches at the camera, reminding Taker that he is a killer. He says, “Oooooh yeeees!”

It’s time, it’s time, it’s Vader time. Out comes the lad from the Rocky Mountains, but he lets Pauly B walk out first. Fans are clearly not happy about any of this nonsense and wave their thumbs and click their tongues and say, “What’s to be done with this Big Van Vader?”

Vince calls him “The Mastodon”, which was his original character in the Fed.

There’s the old Taker dong and for the next fifteen minutes, we watch a dead person shamble to the ring. He has an entrance video, which is nice as they’ve only started doing this recently. His music is still Chopin’s Funeral March with added theatrics. He’s wearing his leather tunic get-up and thunder rolls as he gets to the ring. What a buck. He takes his time getting up the steps, mind. Don’t rush, our lad. I gots to say, when he stands by the turnbuckle, the WWF symbol really ruins the shot for me. He raises his hands and – heavens to Betsy! – the lights come on. The fucking lights come on.

I love how over the Undertaker is despite the fact that he is essentially a murderer. The referee, terrified of taking the belt, is none other than Irish Referee Tim White. He has a bit of common sense about him.

WWF Championship Match: The Undertaker (c) vs. Vader (with Paul Bearer).

Both men start off hot, bopping each other loads. Taker gives Vader a big Irish Whip followed by clothesline and leg drop. No pin, though. Another Irish whip into the corner and big splash. Vince raises the fact that Taker has been told by P Bizzle that he has a brother that he has not seen in over twenty years. Taker goes for Old School and hits it. Big pop but he fails to get the pin.

It’s nice that the Fed are adding in Kane now, especially due to the fact that he does not appear for a few months yet. Taker runs the ropes and gets the jumping clothesline. Another pin attempt. No one mentions Kane’s name, so I assume that he has not been named yet, but it will be interesting to see how the storyline betwixt Taker and Bearer evolves leading to Badd Blood in October. Long rest hold from Vader. Leon runs the ropes and eats a big boot from the Deadman. Both men are on the outside and Vader takes a handful of punches before Vader throws Taker into the steel steps. Paul walks over and gives Taker a wee boot. Good man. He’s calling him a murderer and he’s still the face in this match.

Taker hits Vader with a chinbreaker and goes to the top rope for a flying clothesline. HHH and Mankind are on the Superstar Line, probably still kicking the shite out of each other. Vader falls out of the ring once again and Taker walks slowly towards Bearer. The crowd are rabid. Vader Pearl Harbours Taker and our man Percy Pringle kicks him a wee kick, looks very pleased with himself and lets out a little Ric Flair, “Woo!” before remembering that the Undertaker is a damn murderer. Vader goes to Bret’s Rope and hits the splash but fails to get the three.

Vince references that the scarring on Paul’s face has gotten better. Oh yeah. Vader splashes Taker but does not get the pin. He hits the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on the Deadman and both lads have a little sit. JR mentions that Taker may be a pyromaniac. Taker fights back and the crowd go ballistic. He gets Vader in the corner, takes a punch to the face followed by a damn clothesline and punches the Undertaker’s midsection. Taker fights back, tosses Vader in the corner and punches the shite out of him before getting the chokeslam. But Vader boots him between the legs and Irish Referee Tim White fails to DQ him. Vader runs at Taker and he is up in the Tombstone position. Vader reverses it but fails and falls on his hole. The pair fumble for a bit and Vader sets Taker for the big splash off Bret’s rope. Taker low blows Vader, gets the chokeslam from the second rope but it gains only a two count.

A true chokeslam in the middle of the ring gains another two count. That’s two chokeslams. My God, what next? The Tombstone? Taker gets him up, hits his move and gets the pin.

The Undertaker has pinned Vader and retained the World Heavyweight Championship in 12:39.

2017 comments:

Best Taker match and Vader match I’ve seen in a while. Good man.

1997 comments:

Motherfucker tore off Mankind’s ear. I’ll never forgive you!

Grade: B.

It’s a shame about the botched spot. Undertaker leaves after taking a knee. We see what it looks like outside the arena. It’s an arena.

Promo for this mental ten-man tag team match. We see Crush pop down to the ring on a motorcycle and turning on his Nation of Domination buddies. The rest of his stable, DOA (Disciples of Apocalypse) run into the ring. Los Boricuas, the team made by Savio Vega, rush in and fight as well because we love a good fight so we do. Then the Legion of Doom and Ahmed Johnson and all the others come in too. It’s garbage wrestling for a while. However, we do not dwell on them, but instead focus on Stone Cold and Bret. Bret gets his Hart Foundation and place them against Stone Cold, Ken Shamrock, Goldust and LOD. Mankind appears at one point as well.

On the Card will return on July 27 2017 with the fourth part of In Your House 16: Canadian Stampede.

Advertisements

Attitude Era #11. In Your House 14: Revenge of the ‘Taker (April 20, 1997) Part 2

Previously on On the Card: Weird Rock match.

Weird cut (must be my DVD) to Sable and Marvellous Wildman Marc Mero. Sable has won a Slammy and mutters her way through a promo. Dok Hendrix asks Mero about his Golden Gloves history as Stone Cold causes hell behind him. It’s very funny. Bulldog and Owen leave with what seems like a golf club. Weird.

Vince can’t seem to understand. He says that it’s a “wild and crazy night”.

Jesus Christ. Jesse James rocks down to the ring, singing a country song. Some mark in the crowd sings away. Jeff Jarrett says he sings that song.

Out comes the Honky Tonk Man. Fuck this guy. The crowd loves him though. Jerry goes crazy because they’re cousins. He sings away. Shit.

Honky gets the mic and cuts a great promo. He threatens to bring out a protégé and screws up the intro as Rockabilly – fucking Billy Gunn – comes out. JR disappears to talk to Honky. Two weeks ago, Billy Gunn got punched by Billy and Honky took him on anyways because he’s an idiot.

Jesse James vs. Rockabilly (with The Honky Tonk Man).

Nice to see Road Dogg and Mr. Ass before it all went south.

Billy hits Jesse and does a dance. Christ. This is going to be hard to watch. Lovely hip toss where Billy jumps very high and yelps, “Oh Jesus!” as he goes over. James jumps off the apron, hammers Billy with a great shot. He threatens Honky, who says, “You’re a goof!” Billy asks for a time out and gets a cheap shot in. Lovely Famasser from Billy when Jesse telegraphs a back body drop. Billy points at his arse, foreshadowing his later moniker.

They talk about Stone Cold getting attacked earlier and apparently Austin is “shaken up”. Bollocks. Lovely neckbreaker and pin attempt. Irish Referee Tim White shrugs. Apparently in the Superstar Room, where viewers can ring in to chat to stars, Sunny and Brian Pillman are asking some personal questions. Billy does a dance, big jump, misses Jesse and faceplants. Both men are down but crawl around until Jesse hits the punches, knocks the fuck out of Billy, goes for the ten punch, gets a whole ten, goes some dances and runs the rope before being tossed out of the ring. Rockabilly falls out of the ring and rolls him in, does a dance and sets up for what seems to be… a superplex? There’s a quick roll-up and Jesse gets the pin.

Jesse James has pinned Rockabilly in 6:46.

2017 comments:

Moments of greatness interspaced with shite.

1997 comments:

These two are relics.

Grade: C.

Honky goes to hit Jesse with the guitar and misses.

Backstage, Kevin Kelly is chatting to Austin. He denies medical attention – and has no injuries to show – and screams. Gorilla Monsoon is hanging about. He says that no one knows who is hurt more than Steve Austin – other than a doctor, apparently – and has moved about the card to ensure that Austin can have more time to heal.

The lad Lance in the Hart locker room repeats everything just said. Bulldog and Owen talk some nonsense about Stone Cold poking his nose into people’s business.

Back by the arena, Vince introduces the next match with a promo showing wrestlers looking scared. Lovely stock sound effects in a modulator, all reversed and twisted. The line, “The deranged battlefield of the mind,” is used amidst children crying. It’s real hammy shit. Paul Bearer is there, too. We see the Paul-in-a-cage match, the Boiler Room Brawl and replays of Mankind using flash paper to get some fire in Taker’s eyes. Lots of use of “blind” and “vision”

Backstage, balding Mankind and screechy Paul cut a promo with Kevin Kelly.

Smoke crawls from the In Your House house as Mankind rocks in with Paul Bearer. He has… a fire extinguisher with him. Brilliant. The sound on my DVD gets a little warped then, like they left the modulator on.

The lights flicker and the crowd goes apeshit as the bells go to announce ‘Taker arriving with some Revenge. He rocks in with some crazy armour on like Viggo the Carpathian. He tosses something into the ring (might be the belt) and attacks Mankind to start the match.

WWE Championship Match: The Undertaker (c) vs. Mankind (with Paul Bearer).

Lots of spooooky smoke in the ring there.

Taker hammers on Mankind in the corner for a while, his hair covering his eye due to the injury. Taker was supposed to be a Deadman, though, impervious to pain. Taker does his Michael Myers sit up and Mankind runs at him. Both men fall out of the ring and land on their feet. Taker ruthlessly throws Mankind into the railings, lifts him and tosses him into the crowd. Undertaker throws him right back onto the mat and rolls in and out of the ring to break the count before hammering Mick’s head off the railings.

Undertaker throws Mankind back into the ring and beats him on the ropes. JR rhymes off a bunch of facts for Mankind’s injuries – the best day of his life was when he lost an ear, one leg is longer than the other due to injury. Taker goes for Old School and continues to beat on the mental man. Paul runs onto the apron and as Taker grabs him, Mankind bonks him on the noggin with the urn. Mankind yanks his hair out like the big psycho he is. It’s Mankind’s turn to take over. Jerry and JR talk about Vader for a bit. Jerry sings Vader’s theme. Mankind hits the spinning neckbreaker, attempts a pin and fails. Paul Bearer is very angry about it.

Mick hits the Vulcan Nerve Grip. Rest hold city.

The crowd chant, “Rest in peace!” as Taker fights back, punching Mankind out of the ring. Taker gets dragged out and the two men have a chat before Mankind gets his head thrown into the steel steps. He retaliates by hitting Undertaker with a pitcher of water. Vince questions how it isn’t a DQ. Mankind gets a chair and hits Taker in the head. No DQ so far. Big Texas Red is getting his head kicked in. Mankind goes to Bret’s rope and hits Undertaker with an elbow to the outside. He boots Taker in the head when he stands up. Close up of Undertaker and his made-up eye.

Big old piledriver in the centre of the ring from Mankind. Taker fights back but gets another piledriver. Mankind squeals like a pig, boy! He follows Taker about, punching him every step of the way until Undertaker eventually retaliates. Lovely running of the ropes and jumping clothesline to allow Taker to fight back. Taker turns on the ref and there is a predictable ref bump. Mankind hits the Mandible Claw and a second ref arrives before being tossed out. Paul throws in a chair and Mankind leaves to get the steel steps. As Mankind lifts them mid-ring, Taker sits up, boots the steps – and Mankind – lifts the chair and cracks Mankind with it. Jerry cannot hide his genuine horror.

Mankind is thrown out, gets his head caught in a hangman, the very thing that lost him an ear. In escaping, the mask goes flying and Undertaker tosses him off the apron  through a table. Undertaker hits a chokeslam and gets the one, two and Mankind kicks out. Great.

Taker slits his throat, hits the Tombstone Piledriver and gets the three.

The Undertaker has pinned Mankind in 17:26.

2017 comments:

Brilliantly brutal.

1997 comments:

Well, Mankind is dead, I guess.

Grade: A.

“It’s a good thing Paul Bearer is wearing a dark suit,” is said as Taker drags him into the ring and there’s a Botchy McBotchface between all three men. Taker has something in his hand, it seems like… yes! It’s flashpaper! He hits Paul with it. The announcers let on it’s some sort of magic or something. Vince considers whether or not it was called for. Oh, now is not the time to get all moral. The music hits and…

On the Card will return on May 4 2017 with the third and final part of In Your House 14: Revenge of the ‘Taker.

ATTITUDE ERA #10: WRESTLEMANIA 13 (Mar 23, 1997) PART 2

Previously on On the Card: It’s Mosh! It’s Thrasher! It’s Rock and big daddy Kish!

Backstage, Todd Pettengill is speaking to Ken Shamrock. I love Shamrock. He gets the armlock on Billy Gunn, gets a drop-toe hold on Billy and then gets the ankle lock. Ken says he will be a fair and just ref but also kick the shite out of anyone who crosses him.

Cut to Dok Hendrix, who is interviewing Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Chyna! Oh, glorious Chyna! What a wonderful woman! Dok asks what the relationship is with Chyna. Trips says, “You don’t need to know anything about [our relationship].” He says he’s going to fight Goldust and for Marlena to watch out for Chyna.

Ode to Joy hits and out comes Trips with Chyna. Two signs, side by side in the crowd: “When Hunter and Chyna get silly, who got the willy?” and “Hunter+Chyna, who wears the pants in the family!” there is also a question mark there, floating mysteriously on the card. Vince laughs at it, and so continues the “is Chyna a man?” jokes that started at Final Four when she grabbed at Marlena. Nice, WWF. Very progressive. The announcers continue to slag her. King says she was such an ugly baby that she was breastfed by her father.

The Slammy-award-winning Best Couple of 1996 come down, Goldust and Marlena. I love Goldust. He pops into the ring with his lovely big wig and cloak. Marlena is on the outside. Gold dust falls from the sky.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/ Chyna) def. Goldust (w/ Marlena) via pin in 14:28.

Goldie is having a squat mid-ring. That’s what he thinks of Trips. They stare at each other until Goldie explodes from his sitting position to take down Trips. Irish whip and Goldie falls to his knees, cracks Trips with the uppercut and goes for the ten punch but not before spitting on Chyna. Brilliant. Lovely atomic drop and Trips is thrown out of the ring. Chyna watches on, looking fantastic.

I am a bit of a Chyna mark and I cannot tell you how it began or why. I just love her. I think he’s wonderful.

Trips is on the apron and Goldust bops him, wrapping HHH up in an Andre the Giant spot, arms in the ropes. The announcers slag Helmsley’s nose and Goldust throws him back into the ring. Airhorn in the audience and HHH fights back. Goldust hits a lovely powerslam on Trips, goes to top rope and HHH goes up to give Goldie a lovely superplex but Goldust fights back and is eventually thrown into the barricades. Chyna gives him the best side-eye you’ve ever seen. She’s a great woman. Trips throws Goldie back in, goes top rope, jumps and attemps a pin. Trips removes Goldust’s top and gives crazy slaps and stomps. Marlena is watching. Hunter hits a lovely Irish whip followed by another and a swinging neckbreaker.

Chyna has not moved once and is starting straight ahead. Vince says that Marlena is watching in anguish… she is not. Neither women are showing any form of emotion. Trips has Goldust in an abdominal stretch and Trips tries to grab for the ropes and the ref stops it. Good man yourself. Rest hold city between these boys and Hunter is trying his hardest to hold Goldust down. Goldie hits Trips in the nuts, fights back and gets a boot to the face for his effort. Lovely suplex by Trips and he goes to give the knee across Goldust’s forehead. Goldust lifts his hand, gets a pop from the crowd and finally fights back, getting some nice slaps in and a DDT for his effort.

Another Irish whip, a pin attempt followed by pin attempt followed by Trips getting his energy back. Hunter lifts Goldust up and another pin attempt. Lovely cross-body and Goldust gets knocked down. Trips goes top rope and Guldust… butt butts him out of mid air. Keister clobber, according to King. Goldust fights back and trips is wrapped right around the turnbuckle. Lovely bulldog from Goldust and almost a pin attempt.

Chyna is moving! Fuck the action in the ring! Chyna is moving to Marlena! Goldust attempts the Curtain Call and it is reversed into the Pedigree and reversed again into the Curtain Call. Goldust sees Chyna standing with Marlena, walks over and straight-up lifts Marlena up onto the apron. Trips bumps Goldust from behind and Marlena flies into Chyna’s arms. Bear hug ensues. Trips hits the Pedigree and Hunter gets the pin in 14:28.

2017 comments:

Not the best match from either men, but Chyna was there, so match of the year.

1997 comments:

It was just a spot with a match prelude.

Grade: B

Trips and Chyna high-five each other. Helmsley bows to his fallen enemies, leaves the ring and we see Goldust carry his wife backstage.

Cut to Shawn Michaels not being able to use his laptop, not unlike a spot he will recreate ten years later at Cyber Sunday 2006. The man beside him is no help whatsoever.

Back in the arena, it’s time, it’s time, it’s Vader time. Time for Vader. We have Mankind, Vader and Paul Bearer. These two men are pulled together for the sole reason because Paul has worked with them. Old Percy gives the camera a lovely wee wink.

British Bulldog and Slammy-Award-Winning Owen Hart. He has two Slammys. JR appears to ask Bulldog about Owen. Bulldog seems to have no idea what’s happening. Someone in the crowd has used their inkjet printer to create an Owen Hart poster.

WWF Tag Team Championship: Owen Hart and The British Bulldog (c) vs. Mankind and Vader (w/Paul Bearer) ends in double countout in 16:08.

Great. Let’s get this terrible party started.

This is a match that is thrown together with little build-up. JR makes a Ru-Paul reference, the cheeky bastard. Owen is due to start with Vader. Both men lock up and Vader slaps the shite out of Owen, cheering to the crowd. How can a man the size and strength of Vader be in a match with Owen and not toss him about like Brock? This should be a monster vs. man match to put Bulldog over. Imagine with Owen takes a beating forever and Vader orders about Mankind and then when the hot tag happens, Bulldog squares up to Vader and takes him down? Imagine it.

Vader beats on Owen and brings him to the corner to give the Vader Bomb. Bulldog sneakily bops Vader in the leg and Mankind comes in. Both men stomp on Bulldog for a bit and get the double clothesline. Then Owen gives them both a dropkick. Vince wonders if a tag has been made as Mankind and Bulldog are in. Lovely suplex from Bulldog and Vader pops in to get a suplex as well. Vader comes across as weak as a kitten. Christ, man, you’re four hundred pounds!

The crowd cheer Owen and JR plugs AOL. Yes, AOL. Brian Pillman, Sunny and Shawn were on it earlier. Brilliant. Shawn is still in the Fed, still looking for his smile. Mayhaps that was what he was searching for earlier? Vader hits Bulldog in the back of the head with the urn and Percy smiles like a child at the camera. Great. Vader hits Bulldog with a great suplex and now the big man is beating on our man Davey Boy, kicking seven shades of shite out of him. This is how it should be. Vader goes to Bret’s rope and hits a lovely splash on Bulldog. Mankind is tagged in and Mick goes crazy on Bulldog. Vince puts over the UK, as they are watching on Sky Sports (the same Sky Sports that my buddy Shane was taping this off!) and Mankind hits a great back-body drop on Bulldog.

Vader comes back in and Mankind rushes back to grab Bulldog so that he may not get the big tag onto Owen. Vader barges into Bulldog, goes to Bret’s rope and as he jumps, Bulldog catches him in mid-air to hit the powerslam. Hot tag to Owen and the wee man batters about the ring, hitting cross-bodies and pin attempts and kip-ups. Vader finally gets the best of him and both heels wave to the crowd like ghouls. Mankind is in and Bulldog rushes in, distracting the ref and allowing Vader to attack Owen. JR can’t say Vader’s name. He calls him Paul. Goose.

Mankind attempts to hit the suplex on Owen and fails, finally getting the guillotine on him. Cut to Stu and Helen Hart in the front row. Both people give about as much emotion as Diana Hart Smith. Remember her?

Lovely DDT to Mankind and knees to the midsection stop a lovely belly drop from Owen. Irish whip to the corner and spinning leg to stop Mankind. Pin attempt and Vader is back in. They’re keeping Owen and Bulldog away from each other. Vader is bopping Owen in the corner. JR (smartly) says that you need to isolate the smaller man – Owen – from the bigger man – Bulldog. Vader hits a great legdrop but Owen still fights back. Mankind is in, Owen is out, Bulldog is in and Owen hits a running belly-to-belly on Vader. Stu is watching the camera more than the match. Lovely kick to Mankind’s head and Bulldog is in. Vader’s mask goes flying. Mankind is thrown into the ringpost twice. Bulldog goes for the powerslam and Mankind gets on the Mandible Claw. Both Bulldog and Mankind fall out of the ring. Ref starts a super-fast count and both legal men are counted out in 16:08.

2017 comments:

Screwy finish and awful fast count. This match was leading up to something good but never reached it.

1997 comments:

Mick was in it. Match of the night… but wait… Chyna was in the other match. I’m torn.

Grade: B

Owen goes to Mankind, pulls at his hair and Vader breaks it up, throwing Owen into the steel steps. Mankind will not let go of Bulldog, but Vader pulls at his hair until he does, kicking and screaming. Owen goes to Bulldog and both Vader and Mankind leave. Bulldog is up on his feet within seconds and the pair of them go to get their tag titles.

On the Card will return on April 6 2017 with the third part of WrestleMania 13.

Attitude Era #9. In Your House 13: Final Four (Feb 16, 1997) Part 5

Previously on On the Card: Dissention in the ranks!

Backstage, Dok is talking to Taker “live”. Taker says that he has rediscovered his edge… not all of it, though. This spells doom for Vader, Austin and Bret. The WWF Title will be his, by hook or by crook. Rest in peace etc.

Cut once again to the foreign announcers, who are excited about the main event. Cut to the Royal Rumble where we saw Stone Cold rocking back in after being eliminated and chucks out everyone.

Back in the ring, the zeppelin has Western Union on it. Fink introduces the Final Four match.

Vader comes to the ring with Paul Bearer. He gets boos from a young Jennifer Aniston-alike in the crowd. The rules are shown on screen:

1: Match begins with all four lads in the ring.

2: There are no countouts or disqualifications.

3: A superstar is eliminated when either thrown over the top rope (with both feet on the floor) or by pinfall or submission.

4: The last superstar standing will be the WWF Champion.

Yeeeeo. Vader is throwing stuff around by the ring.

Breaking glass and Stone Cold takes his damn time coming out of the smoke. The house from the In Your House set is no longer there, it’s just a wee ramp. Austin and Vader stand nose-to-nose and flip the bird to each other.

Dong. Undertaker is coming. He rocks up to the ring through the blue smoke and lights in a leather jacket. The crowd sing along with the funeral march. The lights come up and the crowd go bananas. Bee-ay-en-ay-en-ay-ass.

Backstage, Kevin Kelly is hanging with our boy Bret “The Hitman” Hart. He puts over his enemies and says that he has experience and heart. “May the best man win… me.”

His music hits and out he comes, looking like a real legend. He’s wearing a hockey jacket. Fireworks go off to celebrate Bret’s entrance. He’s a superstar, yo.

Final Four elimination match for the WWF Championship: Bret “The Hitman” Hart def Stone Cold Steve Austin, Big Van Vader (w/ Paul Bearer) and the Undertaker via elimination in 24:05.

All four men are in all four corners when the bell rings and Earl Hebner stays in the ring to ensure no shit goes down. Vader and Taker, Stone Cold and Bret square off, trading punches. Taker goes for the jumping punch. Austin falls into the corner, Bret is knocked down. Taker goes for Old School and Vader hits the belly-to-belly. Vader and Taker fall to the outside but go between the ropes as opposed to over them. Vader gets the steel chair and goes to crack Undertaker but gets a boot instead. Big pop from the crowd and Vader is busted over the eye, probably from the boot. He goes to punch Taker but can’t seem to get it. Bret goes to sleeper Austin but he reverses it into a stunner. Undertaker chokeslams Vader and we have a close up of Leon’s eye. Looks pretty bad, but might only be on his eyebrow.

We have Vader and Bret, Taker and Austin. Vader his Bret with a low blow and takes Bret to the apron to batter him with the steel chair. Vader’s eye seems to be closing because of the wound, possible broken socket. Austin takes Taker outside and is about to piledriver him but Taker reverses it into a back body drop. Taker suplex Bret in from the apron and attempts a pin. Austin dodges a steel step shot and hits Vader with it. Austin and Vader trade blows while Bret almost gets pinned by Taker.

Austin and Vader have a wee chat and Austin gets dropped onto the security railing. Lots of zoom-shots to Vader as he gets thrown into the timekeepers area, he dodges the steel steps and cameraman but hits someone backstage. Another shot of Vader’s lovely wet, bleeding eye. Austin falls onto his balls on the top rope. Vader takes Bret down the aisle and throws him against the railings. Taker leg drops Stone Cold’s balls and Bret and Vader fight in the crowd. JR says, “I tell you, this is amazing.”

Stone Cold hits the clothesline off the top rope and Sycho Sid is backstage, watching and reacting, or, should I say, over reacting. Vader hits the Sharpshooter on Bret and Austin boots Bret in the head. “Austin and Bret hate each other,” JR says. “Everyone hates Bret,” Jerry replies. All four men are fighting now. Taker hits Vader right in the eye and Stone Cold replies with a Lou Thesz Press with the punches. Christ, Vader’s eye looks bad. My God. Good God Almighty.

Ten minutes in and no one is eliminated. Bret hits the piledriver but Austin is still in. Vader has Taker in position for the moonsault and Taker moves! My God! Is Vader dumb as hell? Does he care for his own body? Probably not! Vader starts to choke Undertaker as Stone Cold is about to eliminate Bret Hart. Austin is on the top rope and getting shots in the chest from Bret. Vader is just choking Taker and almost gets a pin. The energy has slowed down now and all three men are exhausted. Austin barely kicks out of a pin and Austin escapes a backdrop, lands on his feet and attempts a roll up but fails.

Fifteen minutes in and still no eliminations. Bret hits Vader between the legs and the behemoth falls. Not to be outdone, Austin wishbones Taker. Pin attempt and Vader stays down. Undertaker almost has Austin out but he lands on the apron instead. Good man yourself. Vader’s eye doesn’t look that bad now, just a wee cut that looks gruesome. Austin almost goes over the top rope again. Christ. The energy is just sapped. Very slow. Very- SWEET JESUS, AUSTIN WENT OVER THE TOP ROPE!

Stone Cold Steve Austin has been eliminated by Bret “The Hitman” Hart in 18:08.

My God! It came and went with little fanfare, but Austin is gone! That’ll teach you for cheating. The fans are waving to him and the refs leading him out alongside Worzel Gummidge (Rene Goulet).  Taker hits Vader with a shot in the corner and it’s Bret’s chance to beat on Taker. Taker fights back and Vader takes out Taker’s knee. Sid is backstage, ready to fight the winner. Undertaker is thrown out of the ring but under the bottom rope. Vader takes off his mask and Paul Bearer hits Taker with the urn. Vader goes to the top rope but Bret is up and threatens to superplex. And he does it! It’s shit looking, but it’s a superplex alright! Undertaker is up and so is Bret, getting the sharpshooter on Vader. Taker is in and Pearl Harbours Bret from behind.

Stone Cold is back and beats on Bret as Taker and Vader have a wee sit in the middle of the ring. There is no DQ in this. Vader goes to Bret’s rope, hits Vader between the legs and Vader falls out onto the floor.

Big Van Vader has been eliminated by The Undertaker in 22:33.

There are only two men left: Taker and Bret. Stone Cold is there too but he really shouldn’t be. The crowd are going ballistic at Vader’s fall and Taker punches Stone Cold out of the ring. Bret goes to Pearl Harbour taker but the Deadman catches Bret by the neck and gives him one hell of a chokeslam. He runs a thumb over his throat and Austin grabs Bret as Taker goes to Tombstone him. Bret rolls up Taker and escapes. Taker goes for Austin and Bret knocks him out of the ring to win the championship in 24:05

2017 comments:

Quite a good match, overall. Lots of time wasting, though, and Vader’s bloody eye really messed up the flow of the match. Still, exciting enough and very high-paced.

1997 comments:

Poor Vader. He’ll never wrassle again. That serves you right for taking Mick’s ear.

Grade: A

Taker is furious and goes to follow Austin, turns and stares at Bret, hands on hips. JR tells us not to go away and we see another advert for Wrasslemania XIII. Back in the arena, there is big pyro to celebrate Bret’s fourth run as WWF Champion. Big strings and out comes Sid, who walks to the ring, shouting and sweating like a mental case. The pair square off mid-ring and the screen fades to black.

The Go Home Stats.

Man of the Matches: It’s hard as no one stuck out other than Big Van Vader for being so damned tough!

Woman of the Matches: CHYNA.

Montel Vontavious Porter Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence: Vader

Best Spot: Vader’s dick-shot-to-fall-outside combo.

Hatches: Honky Tonk Man, Chyna with Mosh and Thrasher as a dark match.

Matches: Rocky Maivia retains his Intercontinental Championship; Owen Hart and the British Bulldog retain their WWF Tag Team Championship; and Bret Hart wins the WWF Championship for his fourth reign.

Dispatches: Wildman Marvellous Marc Mero and Sable would not return for almost a year until Survivor Series 1997, Bart Gunn would be gone for over a year and reappear at WrestleMania 14

Closing Statements: A good PPV and clearly pulled together at the last minute to help Shawn leave and get over the new stars of the Fed: Stone Cold, Bret, Sid, Vader and Taker. Let’s see who stays at the top…

On the Card will return on March 23 2017 with WrestleMania 13!

Attitude Era #8: Royal Rumble 1997 (Jan 19, 1997) Part 2

Previously on On the Card: My favourite wrestlers and a man who almost killed another man.

Cut to our boy Terry Funk, half-brother of Flash Funk. He cuts a promo.

Backstage, the NOD are there and Jacqueline and a nameless member are harassed for not fighting for Faarooq. He shouts in the camera and calls Ahmed a punk.

Back in the arena, Vader pops down to the ring. Vader is very happy to be here. No one else cares. I like Vader. I used to hate him, but I like him. There is little fanfare, however.

The gong goes, the arena darkens and our man Undertaker takes his slow, laborious stroll to the ring. The crowd sing along with his song! Terrific! I love this! Oh, to be in the crowd then, at the height of Taker’s in-ring prowess! The pop is so big that nothing else can be heard. Brilliant, brilliant stuff. There are no announcers speaking, either, which just adds to the mystique… until Vince fucks it. Lovely shot of the Undertaker on the steel steps where the ring of lights has been dropped so it halos him. Jerry asks if it is a flying saucer. Derp.

Taker has a teardrop tattoo on his cheek. He has killed a man. There is a very odd reason for this match: there is none. No feud. Just… Vader and Undertaker, getting a payday.

Vader def. The Undertaker via pin in 13:19.

Vader and Taker swap blows for a while until Vader makes the mistake of hitting Taker in the back and getting an eyeful for his effort. Taker goes to charge Vader, gets knocked down, sits up instantly and Vader takes over, knocking Taker down again and again only for Taker to sit up. Vader goes to leave but Taker hits him with a double axe handle nothing and lays Vader out on the floor. Vader hits a guillotine stunner off the apron and Vader goes for the back body drop off the ropes but Undertaker leg drops the back of Vader’s head! Taker then body slams Vader! And another leg drop! He’s like a better Cunt Hogan.

Undertaker gets Vader in an armlock, goes for Old School, falls and lands on his balls. Silly Undertaker. But how does a dead man sell a shot to the nuts? Legit question. Vader hits Undertaker between the legs a second time and he sells it.

Cut to Todd Pettengill in the crowd, interviewing a very sweet little girl who saved up her money last summer to follow Shawn Michaels about the place. She babysat to do that. What a girl. Fair play to her. Those sort of stories make me love being a wrestling fan.

Back in the ring, the Undertaker is getting punched by Vader. Both men are gassed and Vader is on Bret’s rope, hitting a lovely, safe Bret’s rope nothing. Pin attempt and a fail. Vader has a wee massage on Taker and the crowd cheer to get Taker to his feet. Big punches from the Deadman and he hits a lovely backdrop onto Vader. Lots of high-lift manoeuvres here from the Deadman. Taker attempts to hit the elbow and fails. Vader, once again, hits Taker in the dick. Vince asks if we will see the Vaderbomb. Vader goes to Bret’s rope and jumps with Taker hitting a huge powerslam. Beautiful. Vader gets the Vader Bomb on Taker, but he kicks out, sits up, hammers on the big man, hits the jumping shoulder barge and goes for the second attempt at Old School. Vader is leaning on the ropes and could shake Taker off, but doesn’t.

Paul Bearer is here! Taker hits Vader with a great chokeslam, but Percy Pringle is looking at him, holding that Urn of his with a sneer. Taker does a lovely backwards-fall out of the ring, punches Paul and is shoved into the ring by Taker. Bearer crawls about, shouts, begs at Taker but is caught in a chokeslam. Vader is back in the ring, kicks Vader, punches Paul, clotheslines Vader out and falls with him. The French Announcer’s table (just replaced) is now the site of an Undertaker jump. Bearer pulls Vader to safety, but Taker has been hurt, hurt by that pesky guardrail!

Both men are taking their time and Paul smacks Taker on the back of the head with the urn, kisses it and sneers off. What a man. RIP in peace. Vader goes for the Vader Bomb slash Vader Drop slash fall, goes for the pin and takes Taker out in 13:19.

2017 comments:

Good match, just the right length, shame there was a lot of sitting around.

1997 comments:

God damn, but Vader got out of the ring quickly, didn’t he?

Grade: B

Vader escapes with Paul as his music hits. Undertaker is up, stares at the ref, as if to say, “Did you just let that happen, bro?” He then chokeslams the ref. Poor ref was hospitalised by Vader as well. He can’t get a break. Taker is angry, gosh, he is mad as hell. He starts tossing up chairs, shouting, throwing things, points at Vince, acts like it’s a screwjob of some kind. We see replays of the urn shot, the Vader Bomb/Drop and Taker shouts at the camera as he leaves.

Before he leaves, though, Jerry drops an absolute cracker: “That was a hard urn’d victory.” Actually amazing.

Cut to Stone Cold jawing off to the camera, telling them that he will not speaking until he goes through twenty-nine other pieces of trash.

Cut to the British Bulldog, who says he is amazing. And he is.

Back in the arena, no-entrance Jerry Estrada, Heavy Metal and Fuerza get ready for their match with Hector Garza, Perro Aguayo and Canek! The from AAA are ready to show these damned Americans who is the best Mexican.

Hector Garza, Perro Aguayo and Canek def. Jerry Estrada, Heavy Metal and Fuerza by pin in 10:56.

I don’t know much about these guys, so it’s going to be hard for me to tell you who does what. We have Estrada apparently starting off with Garza. Screw it, I’ll call them by their pants. We have yellow and black “Bee pants” vs. “Zebra pants”. JR says that these guys sometimes throw the rules out the window. Jerry says, “Like me!” and Vince replies with, “Yeah, but they’re atheletes.” Perro comes in, black pants and beats on star pants for a while. Lots of fast movements, here, stoppig and showboating. A lovely back body drop and star pants does bananas. The two luchas, red pants and singlet, run the ropes with a lovely hip toss, nice lariat.

JR explains the Lucha wrestlers. There is a missed senton and bee pants and zebra pants face off. Lots of backflips from zebra pants and a springboard back elbow followed by a lovely top-rope arm drag and a tiltawhirl backbreaker, second rope backflip and the two men shake hands before tagging out. Very nice. Red pants and star pants come in, do a test of strength and the two men do some lovely arm-drag-takedowns and dropkicks. A roll up gets nothing and singlet is in versus black pants. Lots of kicks from singlet until black pants knocks him down. Lovely arm drag takedown and black pants attempts a baseball slide, flying through the first and second ropes before tagging in bee pants and red pants.

Figure four attempt and zebra pants is in, dragging bee pants about with a lovely jumping clothesline and an STF. Zebra works on bee pants, tagging in black pants, who works bee pants legs over. Fallaway slam followed by a senton splash. Bee pants reaches for the tag but gets naught. Red pants is back in and bee pants dodges a spinning heel kick and is attacked by his own teammate by mistake. A tiny schmoz takes place and red pants lifts star pants up for the gorilla press. Zebra pants hits a jump to the outside and inside bee pants is press slammed by red pants, double stomp to the chest and the pin in 10:56.

2017 comments:

Fun match, but very disorganised with every man trying to get as many spots over as possible.

1997 comments:

Will we see these men again?

Grade: B

Vince tells us that we have the Royal Rumble match and the WWF Championship match to look forward to. There’s a promo for In Your House 13.

On the Card will return on February 2 2017 with the third part of Royal Rumble 1997.

Attitude Era #7. In Your House 12: It’s Time (Dec 15, 1996) Part 4

Previously on On the Card: Mero botches constantly and Sable can’t keep time.

Backstage, Dok Hendrix is speaking to Sycho Sid, wearing a wee baseball cap over his curly blonde Jew Fro. Sid cuts a mental whispery-shouty promo where he laughs, then is serious again. He’s like a proto-Joker but with more teeth. I can’t hear a damn word he’s saying but who cares? It’s Sid.

Back in the arena, Terry Gordy The Executioner is coming to the ring with our boy P-Bizzle.

But to a promo where we see Taker get backstabbed by Paul, Executioner and Mankind. The burial of the Undertaker was a symbolic one, where he was reborn as a legit demon or whatever.

This match is an Armageddon Rules match, where there are no disqualifications, no countouts and even a pinfall or submission is followed by ten seconds where a defeated wrestler may continue the match. So it’s basically a “this isn’t even my final form” match.

Taker has the fastest entrance of his career as he just comes out, walks into the ring and takes off his gear before being on the Executioner.

Armageddon Rules Match: The Undertaker def. The Executioner (w/ Paul Bearer) via pinfall and ten-count in 11:31.

Undertaker has makeup on that makes him look like he is frowning. He takes over instantly, rocking Executioner back and forth with back-body drops and throws. Executioner counters one Irish whip but gets a big boot in the face for his effort. JR says, “Have you ever had a friend turn his back on you? It’s heartbreaking.” Vince agrees. Jerry then says, “Have you ever had a friend…” and Vince gives off to him.

Undertaker has old Terry Gordy in the corner and is beating on him. He slowly strolls to the other side of the ring, gives Paul a dirty look and then charges into Executioner, misses, but wins him over once again, but misses his elbow drop. Undertaker is tossed out where Paul bops him in the back of the head with the urn. Big Red is showing his roots as Terry tosses him about. Undertaker takes over, reveals the concrete floor of the arena and is about to Tombstone him onto it when Mankind appears and he and Executioner double team Taker. It’s okay though because he sits right up after being knocked to the ground. What a guy.

Taker beats on the two cowardly heels and they move backwards to the locker room at a pleasant rate. They are outside the false house, walking over the astroturf when Taker chucks Mankind into the house, tearing down the front window. They disappear for a while until Mankind explodes through the door. Paul Bearer passes in front of the camera, wailing, “Mankind! Mankind!” Terry finally wins over Big Red and drags him back to the ring as the crowd chant, “Rest in peace!”

Undertaker beats on both Mankind and Executioner. Some officials in lovely turquoise shirts spray mace into Mankind’s face and Undertaker drags Executioner backstage to beat upon him in the lobby. Executioner is running for his life and making his way out of the arena, followed by fans. Back in the arena, the turquoise people finally get a straightjacket onto Mankind and he stumbles about, being corralled like a wild animal. Out comes Gorilla Monsoon and we cut to the outside of the arena where Undertaker knocks the Executioner into the filthy water of what appears to be the Atlantic Ocean.

Undertaker walks back to the ring, dipping his head as he walks through a door (the boy is super tall) and attacks poor, defenceless Mankind in his straightjacket. Reminds me of Thrill Kill, remember that game? It didn’t really exist, it was stopped in development for being too violent and changed into the Wu-Tang game Taste the Pain.

Executioner arrives. Apparently it wasn’t the Atlantic Ocean, it was just a huge fountain. Undertaker instantly Tombstones him, McMahon asks us to forget about it and the ref starts the ten-count. It is a fast ten-count and The Undertaker wins in 11:31.

2016 comments:

Not very good by anyone’s standards. It seems, like so many of Undertaker’s gimmick matches recently – Boiler Room Brawl, Casket Match, Buried Alive Match – to be based around one or two big spots and stretched for too long.

1996 comments:

How did the Executioner survive landing in American waters?

Grade: C

Big dyed Red, the Undertaker celebrates with barely-restrained frustration. Paul Bearer hides within the false house as Taker walks slowly towards him.

On the Card will return on January 12 with the fifth and final part of In Your House 12: It’s Time 1996.

Attitude Era #6. Survivor Series (November 17, 1996) Part 2

Previously on On the Card: One amazing opening match.

Cut to the “bowels of the building” where Kevin Kelly is there to interview Mankind and Paul Bearer. Kelly tells them that Paul has to be raised above the ring in a cage. Paul claims that he is no animal. Mankind screeches out some threats to the Undertaker in the form of cannibalism.

Back in the arena, the cage is ready for Paul to enter. Mankind’s music plays and Paul comes out, claiming that he is not going into a cage, but we all know he will. He bumps into a cameraman and shouts at him for some time. Cheeky rascal. Paul gives Mankind the urn and the pair of them rock and screech mid-ring. JR reminds us that it has only been six years since Undertaker arrived in the WWF. The announcers wonder if Paul will fit into the cage.

The bells toll and the arena dips into darkness as the Undertaker descends from above with huge bat-like wings. As he lands, the spotlight on him disappear and some men get him out of his harness. When he reappears in the blue light, we see he has a teardrop tattoo on his cheek. The Undertaker has killed a man, it seems, and done hard time for it. JR comments on Taker’s ring attire. It’s very leather.

Paul is finally in the cage and as the bell rings, Mankind sneaks from behind and shoves Undertaker’s head into the metal bars of the cage. Bastard.

Paul Bearer in a cage match: The Undertaker def. Mankind via pin in 14:52.

Camera from within the cage – CAGECAM – shows Paul. We can hear him screech from within. Mankind and Taker beat on each other outside of the ring before rolling back in. Taker throws Mankind into the corner with ruthless abandon and follows it up with a drop-toe-hold, something that JR tells us he has never done before. Taker gets Mankind into an armbar in an attempt to hyperextend the elbow. He gives up, stomps Mankind’s right hand – his claw hand – and rolls outside to continue the battering. JR considers that Mankind’s hand is broken.

Undertaker goes for a big elbow and Mankind moves. He knocks Undertaker outside, but the Deadman lands on his feet. The fight spills into the fans. We have an idiot with an ECW shirt on. Fool. The men go back into the ring. Another shot from the cagecam featuring Paul Bearer. Mankind does a wee senton onto the standing Undertaker from the apron. JR considers that Mankind’s hand might well never function again. The boys are courting disaster being in the ring with Bearer suspended above them. Mankind flings Taker into the corner and Vince asks us to kindly forget about it. Another throw into the corner and Taker springs off it to hit the elbow. Mankind attempts to escape and fails. Taker actually bites Mankind’s fingers, becoming a cannibal in the interim. Taker gives Mankind the Irish whip, ducks for a slam and Mankind gives him a brutal piledriver.

Mankind calls for the claw but Undertaker refutes him, getting him into the chokeslam. The crowd ask them to “Rest in Peace!” Mankind escapes the chokeslam and is put into the Tombstone position. He escapes from this and gets Mankind in the Mandible Claw. Mankind is thrown into the barricade and JR tells us that Mankind wears no helmet. Undertaker goes for Old School and some smart cunt in the crowd hits the airhorn as the crowd hit a revival of the “Rest in Peace!” chant. Mankind goes to the top rope and Taker sits up – always a bad move when a big man goes aerial. Taker tries fight Mankind off, but is thrown to the mat. As Mick hits the double-axe-handle-nothing, Mark reverses it into a chokeslam which is reversed into a Mandible Claw and we have a lovely lie down from the lads. Vince says, “Progress is totally halted!”

My favourite spot comes up as the ref holds Undertaker’s hand aloft and drops it thrice. On the third drop, Taker holds tight and reverses the Claw into a chokeslam. JR tells us that Mankind’s hand is surely damaged. Mankind hits another senton but Taker dodges it. He rolls Mankind into the ring and gets the madman on the ropes. A reversed Irish Whip into a sleeper into a backdrop. Mankind pulls a shiv out of his trunks and hits Taker with it. The official sees naught. Paul Bearer shakes the cage – be careful, Paul, you could kill every man in the building if you fall. Mankind on Taker’s back in the corner and Taker turns it into a Tombstone Piledriver, pinning Mankind mid-ring for the win and Paul’s soul in 14:52.

2016 comments:

Good match. Shoot, that makes two matches in a row! What is this? The Attitude Era? Must be… oh wait, that’s not due to start for another year… oh well.

1996 comments:

I am so scared for Paul Bearer.

Grade: A-

Paul is lowered to the ring and Taker removes his prize. With Taker now being an ex-con, we can only imagine the horrors he has ready for Paul Bearer in the-

Oh wait, what the fuck? It’s the Executioner, Terry Gordy! Out he runs to defend Paul Bearer’s honour! Executioner beats on Taker mercilessly. Taker fights back and Exectutioner escapes with Paul and Mankind. Undertaker never got a chance to get his hands on Bearer. Rascally. Undertaker paces in the ring and we see some replays of the Tombstone Piledriver as Taker takes a knee in the blue ring.

Cut to backstage and the WWF is on AOL! Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon have two people with lanyards and the biggest laptops I have ever seen. They look very uncomfortable.

Back in the ring, Sunny runs down to the announcer’s desk, shaking herself with reckless abandon. Nice wee wave to our man Howard Finkel. Vince dances with Sunny and we cut to Dok Hendrix in the back with Crush, Jerry “The King” Lawler, Intercontinental Champion Trrrrrrrriple H and our boy Goldust with Marlena. Goldust plays with Hunter’s hair. Trips and Jerry both cut promos on Marc Henry. Crush and Goldust say about three lines. The music hits as Crush arrives to the ring, all dreadlocks and goatee, followed by The King, who shouts at the crowd and tells them to shut up. Goldust arrives with the letterbox screen. JR complains that Goldust was… “short” with him. Sunny complains that Triple H has the gold… but lost his valet. Sunny calls JR chubby.

Sable’s music hits and out she comes… with her husband, Wildman Marc Mero. No one pays attention to Mero. His Roman candles hit as Mrs. Future Lesnar claps politely. Sunny makes an implant joke. Out comes The… Stalker? Barry Windham? The member of the Four Horsemen? Some weird music hits and Rocky Maivia comes out. Who is this new man? Who is this- Oh, we all know who The Man Who Would Be The Rock is. Let’s not lie about it. He recently did a Rock Reacts video on this, his debut, and I will slip his reactions and points in with the review. He has a mop of curly hair. He looks like a Flintstones reject and he doesn’t know where the hard cam is. He thinks its behind him, so we’ll see him back a lot. The Rock looks amazing.

Mero is on the mic and hyping up the crown with his mental mullet. He introduces our man Jake Roberts, who walks out with Revelations his huge python. The size of his snake! He can barely lift it over his head, by God!

Wee shot of MSG on the outside as we get set up mid-ring.

Survivor Series Tag Team Match: Rocky Maivia, Jake Roberts, The Stalker and Marc Mero (w/ Sable) def. Crush, Jerry Lawler, Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Goldust (w/ Marlena) via elimination in 23:44.

The faces chase the heels out of the ring and Mero is due to start with Jerry. The two men are about to fight until the audience chant, “Burger King!” to The King. The Stalker gets tagged in and Jerry tags out, pulling in Trips. Mero goes after him and the blueblood rolls outside, desperate to get his title back.

Straight-up Shoot Fact: Mero’s debut was at WrestleMania XII when Sable was his Valet. After a loss to a no-selling Ultimate Warrior, Trips beat on Sable mercilessly until her husband came out and saved her. Trips and Mero have a storied past, it seems.

Goldust slides in and the two married men with their wives outside beat on each other mid-ring. Lovely hip toss from Mero followed by a great back body drop. Goldust is being thrown about like a ragdoll. Attempted pin as Sunny rips on Sable and praises Marlena. The Stalker comes in and whips Goldust about until HHH is tagged in. They go for the test of strength and Mero is tagged in as Trips tags out. Crush pops in with his white-boy dreads and forehead tattoo. Rocky is tagged in and the “powerhouse” as Vince described him is thrown into the corner where The King legit cracks him a few times, shoulder barges him down and Rocky just pops right up. So sexy. Double jumps and a dropkick as King falls out of the ring, retreating from fear.

Vince then drops that Dwayne Johnson is taking the name of his father and grandfather. Alright.

Trips and Rock are in the ring and we see a foreshadowing of main events of future past. Goldust comes in after Trips hits a great suplex and hits an elbow. Cover attempt and Rock survives. Lovely drop on the top rope and Crush is in with a ribbreaker. Lovely slap to Rock’s face followed by a body slam and The King is back in, being an arse. Trips is tagged in and batters Rock in the corner. The two men share some sloppy punches with Rock lifting Trips for a back body drop, calling in Jake the Snake, who clears house. Another back body drop and Jake calls for the DDT but Hunter fights back. Mero jumps in to protect his friend but Goldust is taking over. Jerry is in now, a sequel to their matches earlier. Jake is sloppy on his feet and Lawler insinuates that he is drunk. Jake hits Lawler with the DDT and eliminates King with a pin.

Jerry “The King” Lawler has been eliminated by Jake “The Snake” Roberts in 10:01.

Goldust is in and taking over where Jerry failed. Goldie holds Jake in a sleeper hold for some time as The Stalker hammers his feet on the apron. Jake escapes and tags Barry who attacks Goldust with a brutal Irish Whip and great suplex. Harvey Whippleman is outside. Great lad. Goldust goes for the double-axe-handle nothing, gets a punch to the gut as he lands and hits a great flip. Crush kidney-punches The Stalker and gets a curtain call for the pin. The bell doesn’t even ring.

The Stalker has been eliminated by Goldust in 12:44.

Mero is in, kicking his husband-brother in the face. Goldust replies with a kick of his own and Hunter is tagged in to take over. Mero is beaten in the corner and Sable hits a terrible beat on the apron. 4/4 timing, Sable, for Christ’s sake. Trips hits an awful knee drop, missing Mero by a good half a foot. Crush is tagged in and gives Mero a bearhug as he walks him around the ring. A pair of rib breakers followed by a leg drop but Mero kicks out. Goldust comes in, hits Mero with a great shoulder barge and barely gets the pin. Crush comes back in and attempts the cover but Mero is still kicking out. Someone is battering the steps. Who is it? Some cunt.

Trips has Mero in the abdominal stretch and holds it forever as Sable attempts her beat but fails once again. Give it up, Sable, you’re never going to be a musician. Abdominal stretch city over here. Mero finally escapes, hits the sunset flip and Trips aloha-Arns it forever before finally tagging in Goldust. Goldust quickly tags out and Trips is back in, getting a spinning head scissors for his effort. Mero falls out of the ring, jumps to the top rope and hits the Merosault – a moonsault from the top rope – for the pin.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley has been eliminated by Wildman Marc Mero in 19:20.

Crush is in now, headbutting Mero, attempting a gorilla press, forgetting it and taking a dropkick from Mero. Mero attempts a senton suicide dive but hits the floor instead. In the ring, Wildman takes another headbutt and Jack comes in to save him-

Oh. Wait, what? It seems Wildman was actually eliminated. Huh.

Wildman Marc Mero has been eliminated by Crush in 20:36.

That was pathetic. Obviously the lads are running over time then because that’s two eliminations in just over a minute.

Jake is in with Crush and is hit with a brutal throat shot, the “Heart Punch”.

Jake “The Snake” Roberts has been eliminated by Crush in 20:54.

Rocky is on his own. He looks back to his corner and finds it wanting. He looks to Crush and Goldust. He’s fucked. The crowd legit starts chanting his name. For real. This is his debut match and the crowd are chanting The Rock’s name. Crush goes for the test of strength. The kids shout, “No!” yet he does it anyway. Rock goes for a small package and fails, hitting a body slam, beating on Goldust, getting some babyface fire. A double Irish whip followed by a crossbody on both heels. Rocky is pounding it stacks but Crush is taking over. Both heels are mid-ring and Crush attempts a heart punch, receiving a crossbody for his effort followed by a pin.

Crush has been eliminated by Rocky Maivia in 23:12.

It’s now Rocky and Goldust! Two of my favourite wrestlers!

Straight-up Shoot Fact: When The Rock pinned Crush, he hid his face and thanked him for it. So sweet.

Goldust takes a punch from Rock, fights back and Rocky hits his running shoulderbreaker, his original finisher, getting the pin and the win in 23:44.

Goldust has been eliminated by Rocky Maivia. The survivor is Rocky Maivia!

2016 comments:

Good debut from our man The Rock. The fact that this newcomer started in MSG, on Survivor Series, won his first match and eliminated two people in less than a minute is nothing short of prophetic. I don’t always like The Rock, especially later when his main events versus Trips were boring as all hell, but he pulls out all the stops here tonight. Fair play.

1996 comments:

I don’t like that Rocky lad. He looks like a Samoan Hogan. Samogan.

Grade: A

Three great matches in a row? Truly this is the end times.

Rocky is looking at the entrance, where he believes the hard cam is. It isn’t. He’s a damn fool. Why doesn’t the ref tell him? Sunny says she’s proud of Rocky and hasn’t even had the chance to seduce him yet. What the fuck?

On the Card will return on December 1 with the third part of Survivor Series 1996.

Attitude Era #5. In Your House 11: Buried Alive (October 20, 1996) Part 4

Previously on On the Card: An androgynous man in latex is beaten by a feral child as who huge men attempt to lift one another.

Cut to a promo for the Mankind vs. Undertaker feud involving Mankind attacking Taker repeatedly, beating a casket, appearing in places he should not be, stealing an urn, forcing Paul Bearer to betray his beloved Undertaker, cutting the ring and emerging from it, the Boiler Room Brawl, and now… this, the first ever Buried Alive match where The Undertaker is going outside his usual duties of embalming bodies and arranging tasteful floral decorations for the dearly departed and is actually becoming a gravedigger, which is a different job entirely. But, when you put your body into the care of the Phenom, you get the full package.

In the arena, Vince reminds us that this match is unsanctioned and the Fed takes no responsibility for what happens in this match. Mankind appears with Paul and they nervously make their way to the ring. Vince describes Paul as “bulbous” and Jerry calls him a Jack o’ Lantern.

The gong hits and The Undertaker’s music blares. The Undertaker makes his way to the ring slowly, taking his time to walk past the grave. Jerry says that it is raining. When the lights come back on, little time passes before Taker runs at Mankind and the bell rings to start the match.

Buried Alive match: The Undertaker def. Mankind (w/ Paul Bearer) via vivisepulture in 18:25.

“A slugfest ensuing, right off the bat,” according to Vince. The fog clears quite quickly as Taker takes over, kicking Mankind right into the barrier, cracking his head on the metal. Undertaker takes no time in jumping from the turnbuckle to the outside, diving on Mankind. They are close to the grave right now, close already to the hole that they need to push themselves into. Mankind attacks Taker with the butt of the shovel and attempts a suplex into the hole, but Taker reverses it into a roll-up and the pair fall down the hill and back into the ring.

Close up to a child in the audience who Jerry describes as “a creature, all right!” Taker gets the microphone cord to choke Mankind and Jerry makes a sports reference. Mankind is in the crowd now and they fight through it, with Mankind eventually being thrown back over the barrier and Taker dives over it to attack him. Crazy son of a bitch. Vince describes the match as, “Mankind and the Undertaker, having a row.” It’s a bit stronger than a row, Vince.

In the middle of the ring, Undertaker goes for Old School and Paul Bearer pulls the rope, sending Taker to fall, testicle-first onto the ropes. Mankind takes over, screeching like a stuck pig and choking Taker. The announcer’s talk about Mankind’s mangled ear. Paul passes Mankind some kind of shiv and he uses it on Taker. Vince, who, I might remind you, owns the company and allows this unsanctioned match to happen (thereby unofficially sanctioning it) claims that even if it is a no-holds-barred match, a shiv should be illegal. Well, yes. That makes sense. Anything that can legit kill a man should be illegal, even if the match is no-holds-barred.

Undertaker gets the shiv, fights back and hits the leg drop on Mankind before going after our boy Paul. Mankind has a chair, though, and is chasing Taker with it. Taker replies with a boot to the balls to disable Mankind but Paul blindsides him with the urn and Mankind cracks Taker with the chair before… licking it. The crowd chant, “Rest in peace!” at them both.

Mankind walks Taker up to the grave and kids reach out to touch them. They’re at the edge of the grave and Undertaker rolls in! He’s done for! Go, Mick, cover Mark in some dirt! Undertaker fights back, though, pulling Mankind in. Mankind replies with dirt to his face and attempts a hip toss into the grave but it is reversed and Mankind rolls down the hill before they go back into the ring. Mankind hits a brutal piledriver and Jerry marks out at his own move. Mankind then attempts a pin, obviously fails because you can’t pin your opponent in a Buried Alive match and pulls his own hair out in punishment. Taker fights back with some great punches.

Mankind DDTs Taker onto a metal chair. Absolute bastard. Undertaker sits up paranormally and hits Mankind in the back with the chair followed by a leg drop with the chair on his face. Paul shakes his head in disgust but then looks up, sexily, his finger on his lips as if to say, “I won’t tell.” Jesus Paul, come on. This is 1996. Wrestling is still PG, you tease. I just realised that the referee is Earl Hebner. This is how much fun I’m having with this match. Mankind takes off the mat and attempts a piledriver onto the concrete but Undertaker reverses it into a Vertebreaker/sit-down combo. The Steel steps are thrown into the ring and Mankind takes a shot to the face for his effort followed by a shot to the back. Undertaker hits Mick with the Tombstone Piledriver, points to the grave plot and drags Mick to the edge, lifting him in a fireman’s carry and bringing him there.

At the grave plot, Mankind hits the Mandible Claw on Taker and steals the urn to crack Taker but the Deadman gets a chokeslam for his attack. Mankind moves to the end of the plot to… find his oxygen canister, I guess and he is covered in barely enough dirt to finish the match in 18:25.

2016 comments:

Great match. Wasn’t the biggest fan of the constant roll-to-the-grave-have-a-fight-then-roll-back-in-the-ring-for-a-while-then-back-to-the-grave aspect of the match, but absolutely great storytelling, fantastic gimmick and the lads really gave it their all. No need for blood, no need for death-defying moves, just two men who hate each other and want to almost-legitimately kill each other.

1996 comments:

Mankind was in it. Match of the Year.

Grade: A+

Undertaker is told to stop burying Mankind but he does not. He pushes away not one but two referees and continues to throw dirt on Taker. Then… wait… what? Who the fuck is this? A masked man? A lucha? He hits Taker with the shovel and jumps into the grave to dig out Mankind. This masked man then covers the Undertaker in dirt. Mankind helps. Lightning flashes with lots of mental strobes. I’m having a seizure. A confused and swervy seizure. The crowd chant, “Rest in Peace!” and Goldust arrives with a shovel, followed by Trips and Cunt Bradshaw. Paul oversees it, could probably do with a bit of physical work as well, but he does have to hold the urn, I suppose.

The men turf the dirt on Taker, each one potentially murdering a man. People are throwing things in, sodas and the life. You gotta believe that each of these men legitimately are concerned that Mean Mark might not get out of this alive. They’re throwing about a ton of dirt onto a man, like. Jerry sounds concerned as well. I’d like to think that they actually knew everything about this gimmick and that they knew Mark would be safe… but a part of them would probably be figuring out an alibi as well.

After five minutes, the heels have almost completely filled the hole in and thunder booms. The heels… wait… is that Crush? Did Crush come out as well? When did he get here? Anyways, the heels scarper at the sound of thunder but Paul, Mankind and Executioner throw some final handfuls of dirt in the grave and retreat.

Cut to a Coliseum Home Video exclusive of Paul shouting at Mankind in the Boiler Room as Karl Orf’s O Fortuna from the Carmina Burana plays in the background. Mankind talks about maggots eating the Undertaker. Paul introduces The Executioner, a huge, silent, masked man.

Back in the arena, a very badly CG’d lightning bolt hits the graveside and an explosion of sparks erupts as The Undertaker’s hand bursts from the grave, curling into a fist for the audience.

(Note: Though Dark Matches normally take place before PPVs begin, in this instance, there were two dark matches after the Buried Alive match. The reason for this is not entirely known as both matches were PPV quality with one being a six-minute filler tag match between The Godwinns and the New Rockers with the second… being Shawn Michaels defending his WWF Championship title against Goldust! Goldie had already fought an 11-minute match with Marc Mero for the Intercontinental belt and just buried Taker alive and then had another 13-minute match with Shawn for the WWF Championship! Mental stuff. We may never know why these matches were relegated to dark matches however a few reasons might be… Wrestlers wanted a payday and there was no time for their matches on the card… Shawn might not have wanted to be on a PPV and not main event it and as this PPV was based around the Buried Alive match, Shawn would need to be on the undercard and he wasn’t happy about that… Shawn and Goldust weren’t feuding at the time and Shawn and Sid were about to start feuding for Survivor Series… Vince didn’t want the audience to leave on a bum note… The dark matches could be reshown or redone on RAW or a later PPV…)

The Go Home Stats.

Man of the Matches: No one really stands out here other than both Undertaker and Mankind but I’m choosing Undertaker for putting on one of the best matches of his career.

Woman of the Matches: Between Sunny and Marlena…? Again? Oh, wait, Sable was there too. I’m going to choose neither.

Montel Vontavious Porter Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence: The Undertaler.

Best Spot: Undertaker flying over the barrier onto Mankind.

Hatches: The Stalker (Blackjack Mulligan), The Executioner (Terry Gordy, one of the Fabulous Freebirds).

Matches: Owen Hart and British Bulldog retain the Tag Team belts. Wildman Marc Mero retains the Intercontinental belt.

Dispatches: None.

Closing Statements: I liked this PPV and it was certainly one of the better In Your House shows. The main event was fantastic and I am honoured to have been alive to see it… unlike the Undertaker.

On the Card will return on November 17 with Survivor Series 1996.

Attitude Era #4. In Your House 10: Mind Games (Sept 22, 1996) Part 3

Previously on On the Card: We saw Owen Hart wrestle. Glorious.

Cut to Kevin Kelly backstage in the boiler room with Mankind and Paul Bearer. Bearer is brilliant, shrill and eeeeeevil. Bearer blames everyone for his betrayal. Mankind hugs the urn and tells everyone that he lives so that others may feel his pain. His destiny is to win tonight, reportedly. He does tell us to have a nice day, however.

Back in the ring, Jerry “The King” Lawler comes out to verbally abuse the crowd for a while. That’s not like you, Jerry! In the middle of the slagging, it cuts to Superstars earlier and Free-For-All when Jerry pours water on Mark Henry and slaps him. We can’t hear Jerry shout, though he does ask, of the Olympics, “If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do they all drown?” In the middle of his rant, music hits and out comes “The World’s Strongest Man” Mark Henry. He’s wearing a USA singlet, throws his XXXL jacket into the crowd and Jerry is still slagging him. Jerry, listen, Henry is 400 pounds. You can’t lift him.

Mark Henry def. Jerry “The King” Lawler via submission in 5:13.

So, once again, we have a match where the winner is obvious. Will the wrestling legend win or the young upstart who did not compete in the Olympics? Either way, it is not a strong win because the opponents are not equals.

Jerry knows all about mind games, according to Vince. The King walks about the ring and USA chants rise for Henry. They lock up and King keeps him in a headlock. Henry reverses it to a hammerlock and pushes Jerry down. JR states, quite correctly, that Mark Henry does not need to do anything fancy. Just overpower Jerry. Do what you are booked to do. Mark gets Jerry in a headlock and it’s the King’s turn to reverse into a hammerlock. Henry reverses that hammerlock into another hammerlock and throws Jerry into the turnbuckle. Big clap rises and the pair chase each other about the ring. Jerry goes to bodyslam Mark and Henry lifts Jerry into a gorilla press and chucks him away.

Jerry runs at Mark… and bounces off him. He runs to Henry and is tossed through the ropes. Jerry cracks his head off the ground on the way out, goes back into the ring and puts his hands down his tights to hold something in his right hand, strengthening his punches. That son of a bitch. Henry gets the fight back and whups on Jerry mercilessly. King tries to escape and is placed in a backbreaker submission, where he almost instantly taps out. Mark Henry wins his debut match in 5:13.

2016 comments:

This was actually a very good match, psychologically speaking. Other than the (foolish) body slam attempt, Jerry uses his superior wrestling knowledge to keep control of Henry and when he is overpowered, he cheats sneakily, but is not caught. Henry comes across as the good, honest, All-American babyface and Lawler is the snide, wicked, arrogant heel. Jerry tapped too quickly on the backbreaker for my liking.

1996 comments:

I hate jingoism… but I hate Jerry “The King” Lawler even more.

Grade: B+

I am pleased but also disappointed that the best match so far is a Mark Henry and Jerry Lawler match. This might be the only time these two men make this list. Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy come in to beat on Henry but are thrown out. Then, young upstart Hunter Hearst Helmsley runs in, the rascal, and is tossed out onto the lads on the outside. JR: “Mark Henry beat the King and all the King’s men!”

Henry does a wee dance mid-ring as well. Fair play to him. Pyro goes off above the ring. All right. Calm down.

Coliseum Home Video Exclusive of Dok Hendrix in the locker room with new Tag Team champions, Slammy Award Winning Own Hart, the British Bulldog and Immigration Clarence Mason. The boys come over as faces despite their alliance with Camp Cornette. Owen says Clarence brought the boys luck. Mason is now their new manager. Good man.

Cut to a promo of the Undertaker working as a blacksmith, trying to make some extra money. We are reminded of the Taker/Goldust rivalry. Mankind is mentioned as well. Over the last few PPVs, Taker has only fought Goldust or Mankind. Great feud.

Back in the ring, Goldust has arrived with Marlena. Goldust falls from the ceiling.

The gong rises and the audience go mental as they await the Undertaker to walk out of the house. There he is, walking slowly to the ring, wasting all our time, like Randy Orton would years later. He enters the ring and the two men are about to square off when Taker boots Goldust between the legs and the bell rings for this match.

Final Curtain match: Undertaker def. Goldust w/ Marlena via pinfall in 10:23.

The rules of the Final Curtain match are not stated, but I assume that they are a “Winner leaves town,” stipulation of some kind. Taker launches Goldie from turnbuckle to turnbuckle as Irish Referee Tim White looks on. Taker hits a very high leg drop and Goldust rolls to the ouside, Marlena looking on unimpressed. Taker is hit with a chindrop and Marlena gives him a slap for good luck. Goldust hits a swinging neckbreaker and Undertaker sits right up. Fantastic suplex from Taker followed by another quick sit-up and almost three count.

Goldust takes one hell of a hip toss followed by Old School. Three minutes in and Goldust has barely had any offence as he is thrown out of the ring like a bad child. But wait… he has something illegal in his hand… a bag of gold dust! As Marlena distracts the ref (after being picked up by Taker), Goldust flings the gold dust in Taker’s face. Blinded, the Deadman is as the critic’s mercy. Goldie drives Taker’s face into the steel steps and rolls back into the ring. Taker doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Taker gets his head bounced off the Spanish announcer’s table and rolls back in the ring as Goldust feels himself up. Taker is Irish whipped into the ropes but holds on, turning slowly, his eyes still stinging from the gold dust. Taker gets beaten in the corner and Irish Referee Tim White chastises Goldust for holding a choke on too long. Taker finally fights back with a great backdrop and both men are up on their feet, still beating on each other. Undertaker is rallying as best he can and Goldust is still unable to put the Deadman away.

Marlena goes to the turnbuckle and Goldust feels himself up again, holding the Undertaker’s head at groin level. The Deadman strikes back with a choke and several body shots, sending Goldie flying. A hard Irish whip and Goldust hits a beautiful body slam. Undertaker sits up quickly, the pair run the ropes and a high jump knocks both men down. Goldust goes to the top rope but Taker hits the chokeslam on Goldie, performing the “slit throat” taunt followed by the Tombstone Piledriver for the pin in 10:23.

2016 comments:

Great match. This is starting to pick up. I love Goldust anyways, but the psychology here was wonderful. Goldust seems to be Undertaker’s equal, but his hubris is too much for him to simply win, he has to humiliate Taker and that is his downfall.

1996 comments:

Jesus Goldust is creepier than the actual dead man in the ring.

Grade: B

Undertaker reaches to the heavens, looks about for his urn but Paul Bearer is nowhere to be seen. Will Goldust leave town now? Only time will tell…

On the Card will return on October 13th with the fourth and final part of Mind Games.

Attitude Era #3. SummerSlam (August 18, 1996) Part 4

Previously on On the Card: Jesus Christ, Jerry and Jake.

Vince introduces the Boiler Room Brawl promo, which is a fine promo. We see Mankind decimating Taker over five months. The Dead Man barely gets a look-in. Mankind batters pipes, holds rats and is generally a bit weird. The title card for the Boiler Room Brawl match has steam appearing from… just about anywhere. Doesn’t even need to be pipes, apparently.

Undertaker’s music hits and out comes big Paul Bearer, holding the Undertaker’s urn, talking to it and heeling it up, at one point becoming Nuclear Bearer. JR says, “It is impossible to predict what will happen here, there is no precident, nothing like this matchup has ever happened before and I am surprised that Gorilla Monsoon has sanctioned this,” which is a fair enough statement to make, mostly, until we remember that it is basically a race from a boiler room to the ring. Like a ladder match, it is a simple match to win no kayfabe but is seems impossible for professional wrestlers to do it.

A bunch of TVs have been set up around the ring for the crowd to witness the action backstage. Unless you have a front row seat, you can probably see fuck all. I re-read the part in Mankind’s first autobiography, Have a Nice Day: A Tale of Blood and Sweatsocks, and in it, he mentions nothing about the monitors, other than the crowd were watching them. He does mention that it was his concept and he had pitched some similar ideas to WCW and the entire setup was one that could only really be shown on TV and so was a great ratings draw. He explains that the actual match was filmed in one take with one cameraman the day before the PPV aired and that when they escaped from the boiler room, with Mankind leaving first, they finished the filming and continued where they left off the night of the PPV.

Cut to Taker standing outside the boiler room door, with a referee opening it for him because dead men don’t use knobs, apparently.

Mankind def. Undertaker via urn steal in 26:40.

Mick mentions that the match was too long, so let’s see if that’s true. There is little commentary, really, and this makes the match all the more sinister. Undertaker takes his time opening the door that says BOILER ROOM DANGER, obviously wishing to kill Mankind, but also understanding the importance of following instructions.

The boiler room is pitch dark, with only a light from the camera and some fluorescent lights above to show the action. Lots of tension here as Taker walks slowly through the boiler room and the commentators describe the action, building up the fight that is yet to happen. Taker walks in and Mankind sneaks out, hitting him with a 2×4. He breaks apart a palette and starts going to town on the Deadman. Of course, Mankind is squealing like a pig. He has been interrupted and was in the back, building a cabinet for Ahmed Johnson to hold his kidneys. He has a fresh one each day. Very expensive. Thousands of people die.

The two men really go at it – Makind’s workbench gets a doing as well, no tools to be seen, though. It looks like a gymnast’s horse, so he was probably getting a bit of exercise in before he and Mark Henry go to the Olympics. Taker is thrown into the boiler and Mankind starts making velociraptor sounds. The screen goes all fuzzy for a while and Vince says, “Technical difficulties.” Undertaker is thrown into the corner and knocks over lots of stuff. This boiler room is an absolute mess. Mick clearly has much better things to be doing with himself, apparently.

Mick doesn’t run back to the ring, he jogs back and forth, allowing the Deadman to get a weapon. Mick spins a wee wheel and some “steam” hits Undertaker in the face (probably a gimmicked pipe or fire extinguisher). Lots of bins are thrown about and people are hit with sticks. Mankind was involved in all the Boiler Room Brawls during WWF’s time and it makes sense because he spends all his time in boiler rooms. This doesn’t make sense once you consider that they are different boiler rooms, but presumably he lives in all boiler rooms at once. Mankind’s arm is sliced and there’s a wee bit of blood coming from him, but not enough to keep us happy. We wish for more blood, Mick!

His squalling and screeching is getting on my tits, though.

Mankind finds a ladder attached to a wall and decides to go for a wee walk up it and a jump off it onto Taker followed by the shittiest DDT in history. He beats Taker with a stick and then… drags him backwards? Listen, man to Mankind, Mick, just run outside. Go. Run to the ring, get the urn, be done with this insanity. If you want to win the match, you can. If you lose, it’s no one’s fault but your own. Screen goes a bit weird again and the crowd boo so much. When it comes back, we see a glimpse of a bodyslam of some description, followed by our boy Mick climbing up another ladder, this one wooden and free-standing. Vince says, “He’s going for that elbow again,” and Undertaker sits straight up, starts yanking at the ladder and is tipped back.

Straight-up Shoot Fact: This was a botched move that caused Mick to have sciatic nerve problems for the next seven months. It was so bad that he thought that he may have to retire.

He’s up and getting hammered by Taker and the Deadman is leaving. Foley is after him, whipping at him with chains and he takes a wicked uppercut for his troubles. Undertaker has a cut elbow, too, which is bad because about a week later, he would have a staph infection so bad that Mick said, “his elbow was swollen to twice its normal size. Staph infection was a common casualty of the business, but this was the worst case I had ever seen. A doctor was brought in and lanced the elbow. He then squeezed hard, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that pus shot ten feet across the room.”

Sexy.

The pair of them hang out for a bit and Taker hits Mankind with a fire extinguisher in the face. That is, he turns one on. He doesn’t abtually hit him with it. As Mankind fights his way out, one of the announcers says, “Unbelievable,” in the most bored tone he can muster, as if personally offended at what he’s just witnessed, frustrated that Mankind has a can-do attitude.

The camera angle changes and we see Mankind bursting out of the boiler room, hitting Taker and pushing him back in. He then uses a bin to barricade the door. Lots of wrestlers are out in the corridors, shouting and getting on. Undertaker bursts out, passed the Godwinns and several other unnameable wrestlers including SkipZip and Mark Henry! As the fight continues, Al Snow (Leif Cassidy) stands to one side and Goldust sneaks out, presumably to pinch Undertaker’s bum on the way past. We go past shirtless Stone Cold and… who is that? Is that Billy Gunn?

Nope, it’s cunt Bradshaw. Fuck him.

One of the referees quips that it looks like a prison riot, which is nonsense as no one is being shivved or raped. Mankind throws some “scalding hot coffee” over the Undertaker and someone sets a fire or turns on the smoke machine to sell it. Mankind escapes into the arena but Undertaker is after him with a brutal clothesline and cracks Mick with a 2×4. They beat each other gradually towards the ring. Wires from the TV screens trail across the floor. Not very safe and JR states as much seconds before Mankind rolls one over. Paul Bearer is in the ring, literally larger than life. He’s looking very relaxed though, probably because he knows what is coming up next. Mankind exposes the concrete floor and hits a weak looking piledriver.

Paul Bearer wobbles back and forth. God I miss him.

Mankind is on the apron. Bearer could run away, but doesn’t. Taker has Mankind’s ankle and the pair of them are on the apron, punching and grappling. JR says, “Their bodies just have to be achy.” Aye, Jim, like a breaky heart. Undertaker slingshots Mankind off the apron by pulling on the top rope. Undertaker is in the ring and the crowd are going wild. Down he goes onto the one knee… and Paul Bearer does nothing. He looks away. Mankind is in! Paul Bearer is laughing! The motherfucker! He’s done betrayed Taker! Mankind crawls towards Uncle Paul. Taker sits up and Mankind, in true Mankind style, just runs back and beats on Taker some more. Bearer drops the urn and kicks Taker, falling to the ground and wailing. Between Mankind and Bearer, the pair of them will just squeal like pigs all night. Bearer cracks Undertaker once again with the urn and hands it to Mankind for him to get the win in 26:40.

2016 comments:

A great concept match and a great match in concept. Mick says himself that it was seen as either a classic or a disaster. I would say both. It could have been done far better if more time was dedicated to the spots, maybe even having two or three cameramen in the room at once, add to the tension, or even have the whole thing done via security cam footage. As it stood, the opening was amazing, the middle bit was okay, the run through the locker room area was great fun and the ending was naff. All in all, an okay match.

1996 comments:

This is the greatest thing ever. They should use weapons more often.

Grade: B

Bearer and Mankind leave the arena, with Bearer yelling, “Ohhhhh yeeeees!” in his own classic style. Vince says, “the treachery of Paul Bearer,” and the man himself looks dead in to the camera and shouts, “I’m Paul Bearer and you’re not!” He winks at the camera and taps his head as well. Brilliant man. The crowd are throwing shite at the ring.

Undertaker’s music hits for one second, one single “Dong!” and the lights go down. There is druidic chanting and a bunch of lads in hoods walk to the ring. Two of them enter the ring and lift the Undertaker up, walking him to the edge of the ring where the rest of them carry the Deadman backstage. The music hits once more and then stops again. A hushed silence as the Undertaker is carried back by the druids.

On the Card will return on September 15th with the fifth and final part of SummerSlam 1996.