Ruthless Aggression #15. No Way Out (February 18, 2007) Part 5

Previously on On the Card: Deuce and Domino and Cherry.

Cole is fucking up his voice as he shows us Bobby’s family. His dad was never there. He was a college wrassler. He walked up a mountain. He wrassled for the army.

Cut to Kennedy, the fucker. Kristal is smiling at him. She asks him what Kennedy thinks of Bobby Lashley’s recent success. He likens them to LA: phony wannabes. The crowd boos. He slags off the crowd. His promo is going nowhere so he brings it back to Bobby, saying he’s beaten him once, he can beat him again. Bobby turns up and the two square off. Kristal gets straight out of the shot, knowing full well that the pair of them were going to punch each other out.

Bobby’s music hits, fresh from punching out Kennedy. Bobby takes his damn time coming out, though. Obviously the interview was miles away from the Titantron. The cameras make sure that they stay away from the entrance until he appears. The pyro goes off mere feet from Bobby’s back and he’s not even three steps away from the entrance when Mr. Kennedy rocks down, beating lumps out of the ECW champ.

Lashley fights back, rips the shirt off Kennedy. An official arrives to remind the boys to get to the ring. Lashley drags Kennedy and tosses him into the ring. Once both men are inside, the bell goes.

ECW World Championship match: Mr. Kennedy def Bobby Lashley (c) via disqualification in 15:27.

Lashley hammers on Kennedy and Cunt JBL says that this is Darwinism at its best. Surely that’s just evolution? Cunt JBL then bigs himself up, saying that he was the first man to have a championship match with Lashley. The two men roll out of the ring then toll back in. Not much is happening, both men are playing it very conservatively until Bobby hits a lovely back body drop on Kennedy. After a faired Irish Whip, Bobby ruins Kennedy with a clothesline. Lovely delayed vertical suplex and a pin attempt.

Kennedy gets Bobby into the corner and kicks him for a bit. This match is very, very slow. They don’t do any spots at all, it’s just two men slapping each other. Kennedy goes for the pin, fails, and attempts some odd leg extension. It looks clumsy as shit. Kennedy is working on Bobby’s ankle and it is very slow. Not much to say. Lots of rest holds. Half Boston crab. Bobby reaches the ropes. Bobby fights back and the crowd wake up for a bit before Kennedy takes the knee out from underneath Bobby, pin attempt. More slow action… or lack of action. Kennedy missile dropkicks Bobby, pin attempt, fail. Choking in the corner for a while. Michael Cole isn’t speaking at all and Cunt JBL is taking over, which makes the match even more boring.

Really crappy DDT by Kennedy, a pin attempt – as in, he attempts a pin and somehow cannot figure out how to pin Bobby – and fails. Cunt JBL gives off to the crowd for a while. Another half-Boston crab. Bobby’s laces are out. Kennedy does a rolling Samoan drop followed by a Swanton bomb, but Bobby gets the knees up. Both men have a sit down for a bit. The men punch each other, Bobby hits a fallaway slam and a delayed back body drop which gets a pin fail. Another torture rack followed by a backbreaker and Kennedy kicks out. Ref takes a bump. Kennedy hits the leg. He jumps out, gets the chair for no reason, bops Bobby in the back. Bobby attacks, dodges, gets the chair, hits Kennedy, gets the DQ in 15:27.

2017 comments:

It was not a match. It was an exercise in stalling the crowd.

2007 comments:

Shameful, horrible attempt on both parts

Grade: D.

Bobby beats on Kennedy as he rolls away. Weak chair shots. Super, duper weak ones where he hits the ground instead of Kennedy. Officials pop out and they break it up. Bobby poses and his music hits.

On the Card will return on March 25 2017 with the sixth and final part of No Way Out 2007!

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