Previously on On the Card: Undertaker tears the house down in a crap match.
Backstage, Dok Hendrix is speaking to Bret “The Shitman” Hart, as Stone Cold calls him. Dok reminds us of the fight that Bret had against Sid this morning on Superstars where Shawn Michaels, Bret and Sid had a roshambo outside the arena.
Shawn’s music hits, interrupting Bret’s interview. Bret shouts over the music and walks off. Some real heat there between the pair of them. Don’t worry, Bret, it will only be eleven months until you’ll be free from Shawn for some time. Shawn does his pose mid-ring, which is nice of him. He touches some fans, clearly destroyed on his drugs. Vince tells Shawn that it is loud in the arena and only due to get louder when Bret arrives. Shawn says, “It doesn’t get much louder than when HBK is about.”
Bret’s music hits and the crowd goes mild. After Shawn’s entrance, they find it hard to psyche up. Pyro goes off, Shawn bounces about the ring and finally people chant his name. Bret gives his shades to the kids as Shawn rambles on. The boy is strung out. He’s a bit embarrassing, actually, especially when he can’t put two words together.
Sycho Sid’s music hits. I love Sid. He’s charismatic as fuck. He probably loves his cocaine as well. He’s punching fists left and right. Shawn calls him, “The WWF’s most expensive piece of luggage.” Christ, Shawn. Sid’s pyro hits, spelling his name, which is Sid. The crowd isn’t as excited for Sid at this point, but they’re all cheered out by this point, probably. Shawn is rambling on. Why doesn’t Vince cut him off? Because money.
Before the bell goes, Bret attacks Sid with his back turned! Just like earlier today! By God!
WWF Championship Match: Sycho Sid (c) def. Bret “The Hitman” Hart via pin in 17:03.
Bret beats on Sid in the corner and gives him a fierce headbutt before moving to the other turnbuckle and being countered. Sid takes over, kicking Bret mercilessly and hitting a body drop on him. Lovely kick to the face and Sid stomps on Bret for a bit. Irish whip and Sid ducks but Bret sees it a mile off, dragging Sid’s eyes on the ropes. Bret hits the knee drop, goes for the headbutt to Sid’s balls and the pair trade punches, which Sid wins. Bret runs outside, around the ring and back in but Sid catches him, shouts at the crowd and gets told off by Earl Hebner, who, as we all saw earlier, will push a wrestler if he needs to.
Back in the ring, Sid is beated by Bret, who he tosses over the top rope. Sid batters Bret against the barricade, removes the protective padding for the second time the night and is about to hit the powerbomb when Bret fights back, charging Sid into the steel ring post. It takes a lot out of him, however, and Bret rolls him in, goes to his own rope and ropes the double axe handle onto Sid’s back. Shawn is in one half of the screen and bigging up the Sharpshooter. Rest hold and chin lock city as Sid has a wee lie down. Irish whip into the corner followed by a lovely snapmare. Bret lays into Sid’s ribs and then gets some more chinlocks, because why not? Another side-by-side shot of Shawn and the action. He is unable to keep still while talking.
Bret goes straight to the turnbuckle and removes the padding, exposing the steel. Isn’t that a heel move? Isn’t that the mnemonic? Heels use steel? Faces use… stfaces? Sid stops his hard head hitting the steel ring and is knocked back. Pin attempt by Bret followed by a Russian Leg Sweep, another pin attempt, a suplex and a jump to the second rope and a double axe handle with another pin attempt. Vince wonders what you need to do to defeat Sid? Maybe something bigger than a double axe handle smash. Bret goes to his rope, Sid tosses him off, gives him a big boot and finally he’s in charge once again. Lovely powerslam by Sid onto Bret and Shawn points out that “Sid hooked the leg… every now and again, the big man will surprise you.”
Sid takes over, going for a pin after a clothesline. He misses the leg drop and Bret goes for the Sharpshooter, but Sid fights back. Then Stone Cold comes out for the third time this PPV. Then Owen Hart, King of Farts turns up with Bulldog and drag him back. Bret’s knee is hurt and Jr says that Stone Cold’s new ally is Sid, even though Sid doesn’t seem to know that Bret is hurt. He almost seems offended that Stone Cold would do that. The gall of him! Cheeky Texas Rattlesnake!
Sid gets Bret into a shoulderbreaker and Bret falls off his shoulder, tries to throw Bret into the corner but Sid botches the toss into the corner so tries again. This time, Bret’s head hits the exposed turnbuckle face-first. It’s an awful embarrassment. Sid chokeslams Bret to a big applause. Big pin and Bret kicks out. The crowd explodes. Michaels puts Bret over and Sid goes to clothesline Bret but the Hitman tosses them both over. Bret steals Shawn’s chair but before he can use it, Sid knocks him down. Bret, Shawn and Sid are standing near each other and Sid pushes Shawn down. Michaels goes to the apron and Sid Irish whips Bret into Shawn, hits the powerbomb and the pin in 17:03.
Good ending, but slow, plodding match due to Sid’s lack of cardio. The Shawn bits seemed tacked on.
Is Shawn Michaels on The Weed?
Shawn rolls on the floor as Sid celebrates, going to the top rope with his WWF Championship. Both Bret and Shawn sell their “injuries” from the head bump and Bret has a legit bloody nose. Bret beats on Shawn, pulls on his shirt like a hockey player and the referees have to break up the fight, seing Bret to the back. Sid stands over them both, still the champion. Shawn runs backstage, angry and shouting at fans. Replays of the head bump, powerbomb and pin end the PPV as Sid slowly walks down the ramp. Shawn shouts into an unworking mic.
The Go Home Stats.
Man of the Matches: I wasn’t too impressed with anyone here other than Leif Cassidy and Flash Funk. Considering both of their records within the Fed, I’d like to give it to both.
Woman of the Matches: There were literally no women in this PPV… other than Sable, but I forgot about her until right now.
Montel Vontavious Porter Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence: Leif Cassidy and Flash Funk.
Best Spot: Flash Funk’s moonsault to the outside.
Hatches: The Executioner as a competitor.
Matches: Owen Hart and The British Bulldog retain their Tag Team Championship, Hunter Hearst Helmsley retains his Intercontinental Championship and Sycho Sid retains his WWF Championship.
Closing Statements: A real let down after Survivor Series, but it was clear that they were saving their best matches for the Rumble the next month.
On the Card will return on January 19 2017 with the Royal Rumble 1997.