Previously on On the Card: Mero botches constantly and Sable can’t keep time.
Backstage, Dok Hendrix is speaking to Sycho Sid, wearing a wee baseball cap over his curly blonde Jew Fro. Sid cuts a mental whispery-shouty promo where he laughs, then is serious again. He’s like a proto-Joker but with more teeth. I can’t hear a damn word he’s saying but who cares? It’s Sid.
Back in the arena, Terry Gordy The Executioner is coming to the ring with our boy P-Bizzle.
But to a promo where we see Taker get backstabbed by Paul, Executioner and Mankind. The burial of the Undertaker was a symbolic one, where he was reborn as a legit demon or whatever.
This match is an Armageddon Rules match, where there are no disqualifications, no countouts and even a pinfall or submission is followed by ten seconds where a defeated wrestler may continue the match. So it’s basically a “this isn’t even my final form” match.
Taker has the fastest entrance of his career as he just comes out, walks into the ring and takes off his gear before being on the Executioner.
Armageddon Rules Match: The Undertaker def. The Executioner (w/ Paul Bearer) via pinfall and ten-count in 11:31.
Undertaker has makeup on that makes him look like he is frowning. He takes over instantly, rocking Executioner back and forth with back-body drops and throws. Executioner counters one Irish whip but gets a big boot in the face for his effort. JR says, “Have you ever had a friend turn his back on you? It’s heartbreaking.” Vince agrees. Jerry then says, “Have you ever had a friend…” and Vince gives off to him.
Undertaker has old Terry Gordy in the corner and is beating on him. He slowly strolls to the other side of the ring, gives Paul a dirty look and then charges into Executioner, misses, but wins him over once again, but misses his elbow drop. Undertaker is tossed out where Paul bops him in the back of the head with the urn. Big Red is showing his roots as Terry tosses him about. Undertaker takes over, reveals the concrete floor of the arena and is about to Tombstone him onto it when Mankind appears and he and Executioner double team Taker. It’s okay though because he sits right up after being knocked to the ground. What a guy.
Taker beats on the two cowardly heels and they move backwards to the locker room at a pleasant rate. They are outside the false house, walking over the astroturf when Taker chucks Mankind into the house, tearing down the front window. They disappear for a while until Mankind explodes through the door. Paul Bearer passes in front of the camera, wailing, “Mankind! Mankind!” Terry finally wins over Big Red and drags him back to the ring as the crowd chant, “Rest in peace!”
Undertaker beats on both Mankind and Executioner. Some officials in lovely turquoise shirts spray mace into Mankind’s face and Undertaker drags Executioner backstage to beat upon him in the lobby. Executioner is running for his life and making his way out of the arena, followed by fans. Back in the arena, the turquoise people finally get a straightjacket onto Mankind and he stumbles about, being corralled like a wild animal. Out comes Gorilla Monsoon and we cut to the outside of the arena where Undertaker knocks the Executioner into the filthy water of what appears to be the Atlantic Ocean.
Undertaker walks back to the ring, dipping his head as he walks through a door (the boy is super tall) and attacks poor, defenceless Mankind in his straightjacket. Reminds me of Thrill Kill, remember that game? It didn’t really exist, it was stopped in development for being too violent and changed into the Wu-Tang game Taste the Pain.
Executioner arrives. Apparently it wasn’t the Atlantic Ocean, it was just a huge fountain. Undertaker instantly Tombstones him, McMahon asks us to forget about it and the ref starts the ten-count. It is a fast ten-count and The Undertaker wins in 11:31.
Not very good by anyone’s standards. It seems, like so many of Undertaker’s gimmick matches recently – Boiler Room Brawl, Casket Match, Buried Alive Match – to be based around one or two big spots and stretched for too long.
How did the Executioner survive landing in American waters?
Big dyed Red, the Undertaker celebrates with barely-restrained frustration. Paul Bearer hides within the false house as Taker walks slowly towards him.
On the Card will return on January 12 with the fifth and final part of In Your House 12: It’s Time 1996.