Previously on On the Card: Best match of the card with the triple threat for the Intercontinental Title betwix Johnny Nitro, Shelton Benjamin and Carlito. Surely it can only get better.
The video shows RVD’s rise in 2006 through his wins at WrestleMania, One Night Stand and the stand-off that Edge and he had at Raw leading up to this match. It’s pretty standard go-home feud fare with the face being lauded as a hard-working star who tries his hardest and it has paid off with the heel being a cheating, no-good liar. Honestly, it would be far more interesting to me if Edge had used their similarities – Money in the Bank winners and cashers-in – as a beginning point for their feud as opposed to Edge, “taking back what’s [his].” If Edge fought RVD out of genuine respect, maybe even taking part in “Extreme” matches to show how hardcore he is (the man was co-holders of the Hardcore Title with Mick Foley, after all) and did so without cheating then this feud would be more interesting. Alas.
Edge’s best music hits and out of the smoke he comes with Lita. She’s feeling herself up and he humps the ring because why not? JR tells us that six years ago, The Rock was getting ready for his sixth title reign. Edge gets on the mic and drops some Canadian bombs about the Stanley Cup, which is a hockey thing. Oh gosh. Edge then tells them, once again, that he and his girlfriend are going to have sex, which is similar to the audience only Edge says that he and Lita are not brother and sister. Hilarious.
RVD comes down wearing both titles around his waist. And look! One of them spins! RVD lets the ref take his title off and the bell rings with little fanfare.
WWE Championship match: Rob Van Dam (c) def. Edge w/ Lita via pin in 17:55.
As the boys hug it out I wonder if it would be cocky for a wrestler to keep a belt on in a match and use it as a weapon? Has it been done before? For a wrestler to keep the belt on and use offence that uses the belt as a weapon? Discuss.
RVD goes to catapult Edge but the man lands it. Lots of RVD vs. Edge spots where one tries to outdo the other athletically. They hug some more and Edge gets RVD in the corner. A punch reverses them and an Irish whip shoots Edge into the opposite corner. He leaps over RVD, who moonsaults upon hitting the turnbuckle. Edge turns that into a lariat, misses, and RVD hits a standing moonsault on the Rated-R Superstar. Edge rolls away from RVD and the crowd chant the champ’s name.
Lots of chain-wrestling and reversals. RVD attempts Rolling Thunder and as Edge speaks to Lita, RVD baseball slides him in the back of the head before hitting a moonsault off the barrier. No pop. Come on, crowd, the dude did three backflips. RVD’s leg is caught by Lita and as he kicks her away, the crowd cheer for that! Come on! Edge sunset flips over the top rope, catches RVD on the apron and powerbombs him to the outside. It only gets a two-count.
The pair scuffle in the corner and Edge hits RVD with a hard Irish whip. JR and King are talking about sex. Edge rakes RVD’s eyes and the ref does nothing. Rest hold. Is this going to be us for the match? Not ten minutes in and we’ve met the first long rest hold. RVD has a wee word with Edge and kicks him in the face. The pace is very, very slow now as Van Dam runs at Edge on the apron and cross-body sends them both to the floor. A suplex onto the barrier and Van Dam goes for his spinning leg kick but misses. Edge rolls RVD into the ring but gets only the two.
Edge tosses RVD to the outside again and Van Dam takes the time to adjust his ponytail. As he crawls to the barrier, Edge powerbombs him into it. Edge rolls him back into the ring and gets only a two and a half count. Edge boots RVD and he actually just shouts, “Ow!” Edge hits RVD with the backbreaker and the crowd chant that, “Lita swallows!” which is another crime, apparently. JR speculates that RVD would probably be better if he just allowed himself to be disqualified, much like Mick did earlier in the night.
A big boot sends RVD to the mat and Edge takes the opportunity to ram his opponent’s head into the turnbuckle. The two men talk and RVD actually nods in agreement. An attempt at a super DDT is thwarted by Edge but he gets a kick to the face twice for his effort. Both guys are gassed and the pace is glacial. RVD chant rises and a bunch of clotheslines and body drop followed by German suplex to a pin but the champ only gets a two and a half. Van Dam attempts Rolling Thunder again but Edge jumps up and catches RVD in mid-air, body slamming him onto the canvas. Van Dam hits a dropkick from the top rope and goes for the Five Star Frog Splash but Edge moves away. Van Dam then hits a super Rolling Thunder followed by a split-legged moonsault but still can’t get the win. What will it take to put this boy away. The two mon reverse each other until Van Dam accidentally hits the ref. With the official out of commission, Edge calls for the belt and is about to use it to hit his opponent but Van Dam boots him in the head, busting him open.
Van Dam goes up high but Lita interferes and drops him on his nuts. Edge then gives a hanging DDT to RVD from the top rope and goes for the pin but RVD kicks out at the last moment. Edge is now bust and Lita holds the steel chair in the corner. Edge goes to spear RVD into it but the champ dodge and Edge spears Lita, the chair and himself. Five Star Frog Splash and RVD gets the pin in 17:55.
Good start, good ending, unresponsive crowd and both men gassed in the middle. I will admit that this is not main event status but then it shouldn’t be for the bloody championship if it was.
That darn Lita. She’ll pay for this!
RVD rolls on his back like a fat man who can’t get up. He parades about the ring as Edge lies bust on the canvas. And they just changed it after Ric Flair bled all over it, too. Shameful. The replays of the Five Star Frog Splash show that the move really hurts both people. What’s the point in it?
Cut to the ECW locker room where the boys all cheer for RVD and ECW. Paul E. Dangerously comes in to remind them all about the lumberjacks in the Extreme Lumberjack match later. When Paul mentions Sabu, Stevie Richards in the background does the Sabu pose, pointing at the roof.
Cut to the ring and the pyro as Kane walks to the ring. See, now, this is where the brand split thing is annoying. Waaaay back in April, we saw the beginning of a feud between Kane and before-ECW-Big Show where a voiceover played and reminded Kane of May 19th, the date of his movie See No Evil. What happened on May 19th? Nothing, but on May 29th, an imposter dressed as Kane appeared on Raw wearing Kane’s old mask and ring attire. Oh, that old chestnut. Who else had a real vs. imposter match again? Only everyone. But also Kane’s half-brother, The Undertaker. Oh yeah. Someone in the crowd has a sign that says “Will the real Kane please stand up?” which is a reference that is only six years old at this point in time.
Kane’s old theme hits and pyro goes as the Imposter walks out. I tell you what, he has Kane’s walk down but the outfit looks awful. As JR tells us that he interviewed Kane earlier in the week and the man himself said that he knew who the Imposter was, Kane actually says that himself in the ring and the lines sync up, which is nice. Imposter Kane has no beard. As the Imposter goes to set off the ring pyro, Kane starts wailing on him.
Imposter Kane def. Kane via pin in 07:00.
Well, this is a gimmick match and so should be difficult to watch. I love Kane but this match does not deserve to come after the WWE championship match. Imposter sits up and as the imposter lands on his feet outside, he checks his wig. Kane and his Imposter roll back into the ring and there is a choke in the corner. Imposter turns on the ref who almost runs out of the ring in fear. Kane goes for the Imposter’s mask and once again goes for the ref. Imposter takes the time to hit Kane with the sidewalk slam. Jerry says that every move the Imposter does is exactly like Kane.
Lots of matwork where the Imposter checks his wig and mask and glove. Big powerslam from the Imposter and more chinlock city. The crowd couldn’t give a shit. This is filler before the double main event, which is to say, no main event. Both Kanes grab at each other’s throats and Kane hits his Imposter with a great DDT and powerslam. Despite Kane’s shape at this point in time (bad), he is moving very quickly, hitting his opponent with a sidewalk slam, attempting the choke slam, missing, countering a chokeslam of Imposters and getting a boot to the face. Imposter goes up top (why? We know you’re not going to jump) and Kane goes to give the Imposter a modified safe superplex. Kane goes to chokeslam the Imposter and goes up to himself for the knee but the imposter grabs him mid-jump, chokeslams him and goes for the pin in seven of your earthly minutes.
Bad, bad match. Poor Kane, reduced to this garbage. Neither competitors wanted to be there and other than Imposter’s occasionally amazing mimicry of Attitude Era Kane, this was nonsense.
I went for a pee, what happened?
Imposter does Kane’s old back fall out of the ring.
Straight-up shoot fact: Imposter Kane is actually Drew Hankinson AKA Festus AKA The Freakin’ Deacon AKA Director of Chaos AKA D. O. C. AKA Luke Gallows. He was unmasked one day later on Raw and buggered off for ages. He came back as Festus then buggered off again only to return as Luke Gallows and part of CM Punk’s Straight Edge Society. Then he went off to other promotions, joined the Bullet Club and finally returned in April 2016 with Karl Anderson.
On the Card will return on July 16th with the fourth and final part of Vengeance 2006.